The 30 Dumbest Video Game Titles In History

An anonymous reader writes "Not every game involves taking an axe to the head of a criminal; some classics from the 80's involved massacring camels from aircraft, or in the case of "How to Be a Complete Bastard" for the C64, something altogether different(unless you're a camel). CNet has collected the 30 most ridiculous game names and concepts from the last 25 years. Quite frankly, how some of these — including "Touch Dic" from Korea — ever made it onto store shelves is beyond me."

Dumb or ridiculous?

[Threni (635302)]

They are different - nothing wrong with ridiculous names.

Re:Dumb or ridiculous?

[EdIII (1114411)]

I think you are right. Childish juvenile responses to a few words.

I'm going to Game Stop tomorrow and ask them if they will give me Touch Dic.

Re:Dumb or ridiculous?

[Achoi77 (669484)]

I'm going to Game Stop tomorrow and ask them if they will give me Touch Dic.

in the internet age, only one thing comes to mind when you come across a title like "Barbie's Horse Adventures."

I'm a horrible person.

Re:Dumb or ridiculous?

[xtracto (837672)]

in the internet age, only one thing comes to mind when you come across a title like "Barbie's Horse Adventures."

But... horses can not use a keyboard can they?

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[moosesocks (264553)]

Rule 34 [xkcd.com] certainly is a cruel fucker.

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[Kedjoran (812649)]

Well if your going for ridiculous: Smashing Pumpkins Into Small Piles of Putrid Debris. If you take the first letter of each word and add an ID in front of it some of you might recognize it for something else too...

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[Reapman (740286)]

I actually played that game.. I heard he wrote it on a plane or something while he was bored. Small but interetsing little game, and the only damn way I could remember that code!!

Just the mandatory top worst list

[Moraelin (679338)]

Ah, heh, it's just the mandatory "Top X Worst Y" kind of list, that became popular in the last half a decade or so. You know, so they can show they're hip, smack-talking, unbiased and irreverent like that, and aren't afraid to say it when a game sucked 20 years ago. (Although your mileage may vary a lot if it's a game from this year and from a major publisher.) It's the videogame reviewer version of building up street cred.

On the bright side, at least these guys don't talk too much smack. I've seen too many other such list which sound like the stereotypical pimple-faced 15 year old trying to sound like a wigger gangsta. They get brownie points for not doing that.

On the less bright side, it's as stupid and grasping at straws as any other such list. If you get past the first page, it becoes a lot more hit and miss, and more miss than hit. I'm kinda at a loss to see what's wrong with some of those names. Or why they are worse than a couple thousand other games from that era.

E.g., "Gun Club" may not be the most exciting name or concept, but it's neither stupid nor ridiculous. Plus, it doesn't sound any worse than any other shooting gallery kind of game, so no idea why they singled that one out.

E.g., "Chemist Tycoon" may get extra penalty points for being yet another attempt to cash in on the "tycoon" title. (Personally I'm still waiting for someone to come up with Battlefield Tycoon, and cash in on both;) But honestly it doesn't sound any worse than, say, Shopping Centre Tycoon, Restaurant Tycoon (if I recall its title right) or the two dozen other Tycoon games.

I mean, if you think running a chemist's shop is stupid, picture a buggy simulation of running a restaurant, plus a heavy-handed attempt at a story: that you're fighting to save the world from someone who cornered the market by having cheap prices and good quality. No, seriously, it's not even my interpretation of it, you have the "quest giver" (so to speak) tell you exactly that. So you're fighting to make the world safe again for overpriced and poor quality restaurant owners again, I guess.

E.g., "How To Be A Complete Bastard" may be morally questionable (but then they don't have a problem with GTA too?), but it sounds like it describes the game's content perfectly. And they endorse it as an old game to check out, so it can't have been that dumb a game idea either. As a sidenote, they're also wrong that no similar game has been made ever since. Check out Neighbours From Hell [boese-nachbarn.com] from Jowood.

E.g., "Barbie Horse Adventures" doesn't sound all that exciting for an adult, but, here's the important part, it's a game for little girls. It's not supposed to be Return To Castle Rammstein... err... Wolfenstein. Now I'll give them some slack there, because truly most games for little kids are an abomination, and those for little girls doubly so. But still, I'm curious, is there any reason to single out Barbie Horse Adventures there? I can think of a dozen titles along similarly silly premises for kids, and those didn't seem to make the list. Some even, yes, about riding a pony or caring for a pony. Was Barbie Horse Adventures that much dumber than those? I'm genuinely curious. Or is it something about Barbie that makes that concept dumber than usual?

E.g., Ship Simulator, well, it might not sound that exciting as a concept, but it's also not the worst. Perhaps more importantly, it's not there just because some devs were too retarded to come up with a better game concept. It's actually a training program that only incidentally also got sold as a video game.

But if we're going to include that and Bus Driver, how about Der Planner 3. It's also a training program, only this time for business. And not only it got published as a game, but also got saddled with some of the most uninspired things in history, to make it more game-like. Like it got a sorta Sims-like "at home" mode, except it missed all the points that Sims fans liked in The Sims. Plus a wife which could d

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[zarkill (1100367)]

Regarding "Chemist Tycoon": I think that title is much more odd as an American, where we don't refer to our pharmacists as "chemists". When I hear the word "chemist", I picture a chemical engineer, or some kind of research scientist mixing test tubes in a laboratory.

It's kind of ridiculous to imagine becoming a "tycoon" at that.

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[bofkentucky (555107)]

That or an unlicensed game taking the plot from Breaking Bad [amctv.com]. Hey kids, want to cook some crank today?

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[morari (1080535)]

Return To Castle Rammstein

I'd buy that. The guys from the band look like they could easily kick ass (save for the keyboardist)! Besides, it'd have a pretty darn good soundtrack for a FPS.

Re:Just the mandatory top worst list

[discord5 (798235)]

Personally I'm still waiting for someone to come up with Battlefield Tycoon, and cash in on both

Man, Battlefield Tycoon... It'll be awesome! You'll be put in the chair of the CEO of EA Games, and forced to come up with new excuses for releasing the same formula over and over. Then you'll have to do some clever marketing, so that the public will keep on buying your overpriced rehashed goodies, while at the same time keeping eye on your profit, and pushing your staff in 24/7 crunch time.

It'll be so awesome, they'll have to make a sequel, Battlefield Tycoon 2. Twice the options in the marketing department, three times the excuses, and a killer crunch time mode.

After a couple of sequels, we'll try and be original again. We'll release Battlefield Tycoon Tycoon. You get to sit in the chair of the CEO of EA games, forced to come up with new excuses for releasing the same formula over and over ...

That sounded better in my head...

Reminded me of perfect game for /. crowd...

[sznupi (719324)]

...which I have yet to find again. (for C64)

Basically it was a variant of Q*bert ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Q*bert [wikipedia.org] ) where Q*bert was replaced by representation of...penis and enemies by...yep, vaginas.

Why "perfect game for /. crowd" you ask? Well, Q*bert-inspired gameplay wasn't modified much, so when penis touched/entered vagina (with a suggestive sound, as far as SID capabilities went) you actually...lost a life.

PS. Frustrating that I can't seem to find it even using the title - Spermen (but I might remember that wrong)

Re:

[sznupi (719324)]

PPS. Oh my, I just had a reveletion as to the purpose/history behind this game - this must have been a plot by catholic church to discurage sex or smth...

Re:Reminded me of perfect game for /. crowd...

[Perseid (660451)]

http://www.gamebase64.com/game.php?id=7193&d=18&h=0 [gamebase64.com]

Looks to me like a hack of the actual C-64 Q-Bert.

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[sznupi (719324)]

Ahhh, Sperme*r*.

Thanks, I guess ;)

(yup, might as well be demoscene/warez group hack, expecially since it was on warez compilation floppy (in this country that was the only thing available...the concept of copyright didn't even exist until ~1992))

Re:Reminded me of perfect game for /. crowd...

[mentaldrano (674767)]

Only on /. would a link to a game about penises avoiding vaginas be modded "+5, Informative"

You are doing it WRONG! (Unless you a gay.)

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[Psychotria (953670)]

I am still playing Lemonade Stand in search for the perfect score you insensitive clod.

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[vux984 (928602)]

Well, Q*bert-inspired gameplay wasn't modified much, so when penis touched/entered vagina (with a suggestive sound, as far as SID capabilities went) you actually...lost a life.

Luckily I... I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence.

I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, Mandrake.

But I... I do deny them my essence.

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[jonaskoelker (922170)]

Thanks a lot for the coke shower

--jonaskoelker's employers keyboard.

Please tag NSFW.

--jonaskoelker

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[rsilvergun (571051)]

Well, Q*bert-inspired gameplay wasn't modified much, so when penis touched/entered vagina (with a suggestive sound, as far as SID capabilities went) you actually...lost a life.

Wow, that may be the most accurate simulation of marriage ever.

Irritating Stick

[Wilson_6500 (896824)]

I was a little surprised not to see that one up there.

Then again, it was kind of a pointless list to begin with.

This is my personal winner:

[Perseid (660451)]

http://caesar.logiqx.com/php/emulator_game.php?id=mame&game=mjegolf [logiqx.com] Mahjong Erotica Golf.

WHAT?!

[Kenoli (934612)]

BULLSHIT! ZOMBIES ATE MY NEIGHBORS IS A GREAT GAME!

Seriously. I like that game. It has nice music too.
The article refers to its levels as being all essentially the same, but that's not really true. There aren't bosses at the end of levels either. I wonder if they actually played the game.

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[Psychotria (953670)]

They got one of my favorites as well: Barbie Horse Adventure.

As well as having superb gameplay it had digitized voices... or was that another Barbie game? In any case, they were both great.

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[mooingyak (720677)]

The whole Barbie series is really a collection of well-thought out masterpieces.

Re:WHAT?!

[Eudial (590661)]

BULLSHIT! ZOMBIES ATE MY NEIGHBORS IS A GREAT GAME!

Seriously. I like that game. It has nice music too.
The article refers to its levels as being all essentially the same, but that's not really true. There aren't bosses at the end of levels either. I wonder if they actually played the game.

The article is also completely oblivious of how it's a spoof of cheesy horror movies of the 80's and 90's. Which is absolutely groundbreaking. Any game taken at face value without any sort of cultural circumstance is going to look ridiculous.

I personally think whoever wrote the article just went through a list of games, picked out those who looked silly, and then badmouthed them without ever really playing them, thinking they could get away with it because nobody plays them anymore.

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[greedyturtle (968401)]

RTFA - They didn't badmouth Zombies Ate My Neighbors, they just said it's name was bad, and bring up a good point - would the game have been more popular if it didn't have such a cheesy name?
    (Cultural spoof notwithstanding, many video game players at that time mostly weren't allowed to watch zombie movies in the 70s and 80s.)

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[MoriaOrc (822758)]

Tactics Ogre is another good game on that list. A great early TRPG. And the name isn't even that "silly" compared to most of the list. I agree with one of the other posters, stick Irritating Stick (or some other stuff) on the list, and drop the good games.

Re:WHAT?!

[jonnythan (79727)]

It's a list of dumb titles.

The article admits that the game is a classic. Read the blurb:

Premise: A horror shooter, in which you battle through over 50 levels of zombies, destroying them with an imaginative variety of weapons. Think Resident Evil meets Half Life 2.

This has to be one of the greats. Dozens of levels, all essentially the same, big bosses at the ends of stages, gallons of shooting and piles of mutants. The tongue-in-cheek title may have killed its chances of success, but it reflected the innocence with which the game approached mindless violence. Published by Konami, this genuine cult classic was the precursor of the amazing Silent Hill games.

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[hansamurai (907719)]

Yeah, Zombies Ate My Neighbors is a fun game, plus you can just call it ZAMN which is awesome too.

Let's see what else... I've played Spanky's Quest, that's actually a decently fun game. Leisure Suit Larry 3 and the Long Alliteration, I'm sure I played that sometime in my youth. Tech Romancer was a fun rental a decade back, and that has a cool name if you ask me. I own Tactics Ogre but I never knew the subtitle was "Let Us Cling Together". That's pretty hilarious.

And honestly, if you would think about som

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[ProppaT (557551)]

Yeah, that one made no sense why it was on the list. But, honestly, some of the games on the list were great. Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom still remains one of my favorite NES games just because of the quirkiness of it all. And who doesn't like defeating a boss by playing Paper, Rock, Scissors?

Name this game

[CrazyJim1 (809850)]

Atari 2600 during the depressed years of 83-84 when carts were being dumped. Someone decided to make a game without a name called,"Name This Game." Some other Slashdotter once said it was part of a contest that they never did.

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[AKAImBatman (238306)]

Bah, you think that's good? How about Communist Mutants from Space [atariage.com]? What's bizarre is that it was actually a good game! One of the best shmups on the 2600, in fact. I often wonder if the name wasn't an attempt to get kids to do double-takes at the store.

"Lemme see, Atlantis, Chopper Command, Demon Attack, Enduro, Communist Mutants from Space, Moonswe-- wait... what?"

Of course, it probably backfired at the register:

"Mommy, mommy! Can I buy Communist Mutants from Space? Please, please, pleeeeease?"

Yeah, you c

Cheats

[muffen (321442)]

They should make a list of dumb cheats, think it'd be even more amusing than the title names...

I think it was fifteen years ago I last played New Zealand Story, but I'll never forget the cheat.
Since it's a little vulgar I'll just link [gamewinners.com] the cheat code.

Yes Prime Minister?

[by Anonymous Coward]

Why is that game on the list? What exactly is ridiculous about the name or the concept? I've played and enjoyed it, by the way.

How to be a complete bastard

[DrXym (126579)]

The game title might sound odd but its based off a book [wikipedia.org] of the same name.

A couple of titles....

[lbbros (900904)]

... that should have been included, IMO:

- Brad Zoom in "Better Dead than Alien"
- Attack Of The Mutant Zombie Flesh Eating Chickens From Mars (starring Zippo the Dog)

Especially the second (a Spectrum game) is worth mentioning.

Minter Madness

[Drasil (580067)]

There was only one title from (gaming genius) Jeff Minter: Attack of the Mutant Camels. Personally I think Megagalactic Llamas Battle at the Edge of Time or Sheep in Space would have been better examples of his unconventional naming style. As some have already pointed out some of the game names that made the list make perfect sense when taken in context.

CNet syndicates /b/ ?

[Alex Belits (437)]

The author's language (and choice of titles, and sense of humor in most of the entries) is full of fail.

YIC

[Guppy06 (410832)]

Mega Man.

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[Nimey (114278)]

Mega Man was actually fun, though. Too hard, and cheesy, but fun.

I nominate this article for the

[hlomas (1010351)]

'30 worst articles ever posted to Slashdot' list.

It's not really surprising, though

[raddan (519638)]

Look at how they come up with them [cracked.com].

Time Race / Leisure Suit Larry

[weighn (578357)]

I had this knock-off game for the Atari 2600 called Time Race. IIRC it was a side-scrolling space shooter, like scramble but with a few more colours. Neither the concept of time or racing had anything to do with it ... actually that's so dumb as not to be even remotely funny.

As time went by I got a C64, but never did find myself "keeping up" and going to the Amiga. I always thought that Leisure Suit Larry was a great name for a game, but never got to play it.

Cobras vs. Chimps FTW

[ari_j (90255)]

So, this game Space Marines? Part of the lame farm. But I have an awesome new video game that I have invented, and I call it ... Cobras vs. Chimps [wikipedia.org]!

Who could forget "Desert Bus"?

[Animats (122034)]

Penn and Teller once had a game produced, "Desert Bus" [desertbus.org], in response to complaints that video games were too violent.

The player gets to drive a bus from Tucson, Arizona to Las Vegas, Nevada in real time at a maximum speed of 45mph. The game cannot be paused. The bus contains no passengers. The road is empty. Nothing happens. If the player makes it to Las Vegas, they score one point. Then a supervisor characters shows up and says "You want to pull a double shift?" The player can then drive back to Tucson. On the return trip, it slowly gets dark. That's it.

If you run off the road, the bus stalls, and eventually a tow truck shows up and tows the bus back to the starting point. In real time.

Somebody got six points once. This is believed to be the record.

"Bastard" is a book tie in

[rbanzai (596355)]

Adrian Edmondson (From "The Young Ones" TV show) wrote a funny little book called "How be a complete bastard" and this game is an obvious tie-in. I still have that book somewhere and I expect it is still funny and worth reading, unlike this shitty cnet article.

Immature gits

[Trogre (513942)]

Spanky's Quest *smirk*, Frogger: Helmet Chaos *snigger*

What are these guys, like 13 or something?

Re:

[antek9 (305362)]

And besides, that was a great title, even back then. I somehow feel the urge to play this, especially after watching that episode of the IT Crowd. "Do these sunglasses make me look like a bastard? - No, they make you look like an idiot?!" "I'm a bastard, all right. Trouble, is what I am." Classic.