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Celebrity AD&D Character Sheets
Posted by
CmdrTaco
on Sat Apr 05, 2008 11:00 AM
from the kinda-funny dept.
from the kinda-funny dept.
GnomeIllusionist writes "In their continuing tribute to Gary Gygax, Wired has created character sheets for nine celebrities. Apparently, Stephen Hawking can do 10D6 radiation damage to his enemies and Rick Astley is a 20th-Level bard. Steve Jobs' black turtleneck is actually magical armor with +6 against edged attacks." Most of them are kinda cheesy and obvious- I wonder if you can do better.
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D&D Co-Creator Gary Gygax Has Passed Away 512 comments
Mearlus writes "In the recent past co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons Gary Gygax has worked with Troll Lord Games, a small tabletop RPG publisher. Their forums have up a post noting that Mr. Gygax has apparently passed away. Gygax was known, along with Dave Arneson, as the Father of Roleplaying." Saddened reactions from well-known designers have already begun to appear online. Consider this is an in-memoriam Ask Slashdot question: How has D&D (and tabletop roleplaying) touched/improved your life? Update: 03/04 23:16 GMT by Z : With more time, official announcements have had time to appear. Many sites are featuring posts on Gygax's impact on gaming, including touching entries on Salon and CNet.
Submission: Celebrity AD&D Character Sheets by Anonymous Coward
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CmdrTaco's Sheet (Score:5, Funny)
Web Master
Chaotic Basement Troll
Strength: Pi
Intelligence: 4
Wisdom: 12
Constitution: 18
Dexterity: 7
Charisma: 1
Special Abilities: Posses the inability to discern between 'there' and 'their' while at the same time lacking any clue of what news is.
It's Only Funny When It's Not You (Score:5, Funny)
But if I hurt Cmdr Taco's feelings, I'll make it up to him:
eldavojohn
Slashdotter
Narcotic Basement Sheep
Strength: i
Intelligence: 3
Wisdom: 4
Constitution: 18
Dexterity: 19
Charisma: 2
Special Abilities: Will suck dick for karma. Extreme dexterity gives him ability to stick foot in own mouth. Often acts like a know-it-all about topics he has no right commenting on. When challenged, often flies into frenzied rage and adds +7 to defensive rhetoric with a tree hugging hippy slant to it. Member of Slashdot hive mind mentality.
Christ, if you can't laugh about everything what's the point of living?
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Re: (Score:3, Interesting)
What would have made a better article (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:What would have made a better article (Score:5, Funny)
Let's see... William Shatner has the ability to randomly pause; if you roll a 13 on a 13-sided die, he pauses and in spite of looking ridiculous, he is miraculously unharmed by any attacks for an entire round. Also, every round, he gains experience points through sleeping with every non-human female currently in play.
:-D
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Should use Stormbringer System.... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Should use Stormbringer System.... (Score:5, Funny)
He's in a wheelchair.
Rolling is his only mode of transportation anyway.
Parent
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
What feats the building gets when leveled is uncertain till edition 4.5.
Pug
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Should use Stormbringer System.... (Score:5, Funny)
(You don't think Hawking radiation only applies to black holes, do you?)
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Obligatory Onion reference (Score:5, Funny)
REDMOND, WA--Microsoft head Bill Gates, already considered by many to be among the most powerful men in the world, further increased his powers Monday, augmenting several of his key statistics to near-immortal levels.
Re:Obligatory Onion reference (Score:5, Insightful)
Parent
Opens new tab to read article... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Opens new tab to read article... (Score:4, Funny)
Next story, please.
Parent
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Their whole expression of their public existence and acceptance speaks volumes of an appallin
Gives a whole new meaning... (Score:3, Funny)
Even for nerds... (Score:2, Insightful)
Re: (Score:2)
First ADHD post! (Score:5, Funny)
Some people seem to feel that ADHD is critical to being a geek somehow.
There - fixed.
Parent
Re: (Score:3, Interesting)
We're dreaming quadcore with 4 gigs of r
Re:First ADHD post! (Score:4, Funny)
Parent
Re: (Score:2, Offtopic)
They've misused the Chaotic Neutral Alignment (Score:3, Informative)
Re:They've misused the Chaotic Neutral Alignment (Score:5, Insightful)
Parent
Re: (Score:3)
Re: (Score:3, Insightful)
Naw, he's using the law to change the law. Sending people to Guantanamo, creating stuff like the Patriot Act, even using the presidency to accomplish his bizzare goals. It all reeks of Lawful.
Evil has an implication of his motives. I like to think he's lawful good, but profoundly unwise.
If I had to draw it up:
Re:They've misused the Chaotic Neutral Alignment (Score:4, Interesting)
You can tell how "good" House is by how he treats everybody and everything else. He doesn't care about or respect them. He lied to everybody without remorse, and only decided to cut down on lying when he learned that he can get things from people if they distrust him less. He only serves his own desires, which are neither good nor evil.
Chaotic Neutral.
Parent
More on Rick Astley's char sheet (Score:5, Funny)
Rick also has a compulsion to explain to others his emotional state and how he is feeling, which results in a penalty to all rolls involving deception (except vs. ducks). However, this feature is not a Geas and is merely a personality trait.
Re:More on Rick Astley's char sheet (Score:5, Funny)
Parent
Don't bother visiting (Score:5, Informative)
Actress
Chaotic Neutral Human
Strength: 9 Intelligence: 9 Wisdom: 8 Constitution: 10 Dexterity: 14 Charisma: 18
Special Abilities: Wiggling out of jail time for DUI charges, washing cars in an entertaining manner.
George W. Bush
17th -level politician
Chaotic Neutral Human
Strength: 11 Intelligence: 10 Wisdom: 6 Constitution: 12 Dexterity: 10 Charisma: 16
Special Abilities: Always wins eligible elections, takes no damage for corporate connections, has the ability to prevaricate perfectly, and always goes first in initiative in attacks via other countries.
Ron Paul
23rd-Level Lawful Good Wizard
Strength: 10 Intelligence: 17 Wisdom:17 Dexterity: 10 Charisma: 13
Special Abilities: Can see into the future, but must roll Charisma or less on d100 to convince anyone he's right. Can summon 1,000 devoted followers on command, and can pull 10,000 GP out of his hat as needed -- but no one knows how. His presence at delivery adds +1 to all child's attributes.
Steve Jobs
21st Level Paladin
Strength: 12 Intelligence: 15 Wisdom: 17 Dexterity: 10 Charisma: 20
Special Abilities: Reality Distortion field allows him to temporarily influence any character, if he rolls less than his Charisma, minus the target's Intelligence.
Special Equipment: +6 Magical Armor appears as a black turtleneck and blue jeans, but protects him from edged attacks.
Dean Kamen
43rd-Level Human*
Strength: 10 Intelligence: 22 Wisdom: 23 Dexterity: 13 Charisma: 16
Special Abilities: Can instantaneously invent anything to solve any problem.
Special Equipment: 6-wheeled, gyroscope-balanced battle chair. Dean's Dexterity is reduced by one and STR increased by two when riding the battle chair.
Magical "water box." Powered by fire. Makes clean water and provides a bright light that can be used to reduce an opponent's dexterity by two points.
*His exact origin/species is in dispute.
Stephen Hawking
25th-Level Cosmologist
Neutral Good Human
Strength: 3 Dexterity: 2 Constitution: 10 Intelligence: 28 Wisdom: 20 Charisma: 12
Special Abilities: Time dilation at will, and Hawking Radiation. Any nongenius within a 60-foot radius take 10d6 radiation damage. Base movement: 6 ft/round
Special Equipment: Wheelchair of translation.
Richard Dawkins
22th-Level Evolutionary Biologist
Lawful Neutral Human
Strength: 12 Dexterity: 13 Constitution: 10 Intelligence: 18 Wisdom: 22 Charisma: 25
Special Abilities: Spell Resistance Infinite (because magic is not real).
All Cleric-Priest within 60 feet gain 2 negate levels due to logical paradox.
Special Equipment: Spectacles of Trueseeing (always sees things as they really are).
Rick Astley
20th-Level Bard
Strength: 8 Intelligence: 9 Wisdom: 10 Constitution: 10 Dexterity: 18 Charisma: 18
Special Abilities: Uses Dex. bonus for all Dance-related checks due to years of training in the art of '80s pop dancing. Can rickroll targets for 5d6 of humiliation damage.
Mr. T
lvl9 Fighter / lvl7 Barbarian
Strength: 18 Intelligence: 8 Wisdom: 12 Constitution:16 Dexterity: 12 Charisma: 12
Special Abilities: At will: Pity (the fool). There is no save, and it is not subject to spell resistance. The effect is 4d6 subdual damage and permanent Pity.
Languages Known: English, Jibba Jabba.
No, I haven't forgotten any stats: some people just didn't seem to deserve all 6, as far as Wired was concerned!
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Don't bother visiting (Score:5, Insightful)
Why would you suggest Paris Hilton is stupid? It's an honest question. Because the character she portrays on "reality" TV is stupid? Because she doesn't wear underwear? Because she doesn't have a job? None of those suggest stupidity to me.
I'm not saying Paris Hilton is a genius, but I've yet to find any evidence that she's an idiot. People who accuse her of being stupid, in my experience, tend to be the type that are intimidated by or easily manipulated by the blonde, bubbly, slut stereotype. She's picked an image and exploits it to her full advantage. Yes, she's blonde. Yes, she toys with men. Yes, her childhood was handed to her on a silver platter. None of that to me suggests stupidity.
Consider that Paris Hilton is rumoured to be dubbed "the most overrated celebrity" by the Guinness Book of World Records. She has attained a huge amount of fame and fortune (not all of it inherited) by doing absolutely nothing but playing the media. That doesn't sound like stupid to me.
Parent
GW Bush (Score:3, Funny)
Str: 13
Dex: 8 (choked on a pretzel)
Con: 14 (able to stomach sight of Laura Bush)
Int: 8
Wis: 9*
Cha: 14 (people still like him)
HP: 10d6+2d8+24
Skill points: 13*2 (Ari) +2*1 (Clr) = 28
Profession (failed businessman) +3
Craft (ridiculous speeches) +4
Knowledge (torture methods) +5
Knowledge (religion) +2
Knowledge (pseudoscience) +3
Perform (monkey faces) +7
Neocon Bullheadedness (Ex): Analogous to the Madness rule for clerics of Tharizdun (see RttToEE), Neoconservatives add half of their Neocon level to their Wisdom for the purpose of Will saves and any checks related to avoiding changing one's mind, but subtract this number from their Wisdom for all other purposes except spellcasting. Neocons who worship Jeebus count their cleric levels as Neocon levels for this purpose.
Cause Fear (Ex): By invoking the sacred name of Terrism, Bush can cause a disturbed fearful state in those who hear his speeches. Anyone hearing such a speech for five consecutive rounds must make a Will save (DC 18) or be shaken for 24 hours. In addition, for the next four months the victim must make a Will save (DC 13) upon future mention of Terrism, or be shaken for 10 minutes. Listeners with Intelligence 12 or greater are unaffected; listeners with intelligence 16 or greater are highly amused.
Feats: Courteous Theocracy (background feat), Dodge Draft, Thrall to Demon (Karl Rove), Weapon Focus (flag lapel pin), Dodge (for hunting with Cheney)
Typical cleric spells prepared: **can't cast spells, Wis10**
Re:GW Bush (Score:5, Funny)
Unitary Executive: Ignores rules for character generation. Can ignore any or all rules of combat, at will, as long as Memo of John Woo is in possession.
Misunderestimate Me: Is underestimated for the wrong reasons. Add +6 inherent bonus to Bluff, and a -6 inherent penalty to all Diplomacy rolls made on his behalf, even by another PC or an NPC.
Appoint Lackey: Anyone he appoints to an Administration position takes a -8 inherent penalty to all relevant skills. The only way to avoid this penalty is to not have any skills applicable to the position.
Parent
Additional character (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Additional character (Score:5, Funny)
Chuck Norris:
Strength: Chuck Norris
Wisdom: Chuck Norris
Int: Chuck Norris
Dex: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris: Chuck Norris
Parent
Re:Chuck Norris (Score:5, Funny)
Everyone knows that as soon as you introduce the Chuck Norris character into the game, it ends as all the other characters get roundhouse kicked into another alternate universe.
Also, Chuck Norris always wins, even with a 1. Nobody else dares roll the dice to counter. It is said that someone tried once - they rolled a blank - the pips on the die had turned white in fear of Chuck Norris.
Parent
Re:Chuck Norris (Score:5, Funny)
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22th? (Score:5, Funny)
how about 22nd..
looks like an editor just failed an intelligence check.
Re:22th? (Score:4, Insightful)
How about "22nd-Level Troll" ?
Dawkins isn't best known for his scientific work. He is best known for his crusade against religion. Publishing one tirade after another about the subject is hard to consider anything but trolling; and he's been pretty succesfull in that, as proven by books like "The Dawkins Delusion" - how many Slashdot trolls can say they got dead-tree books published just to counter their posts ?
If one wanted to be really nasty - considering his convictions - one could even call him a "22nd-Level Crusader" :). Also, I seem to recall there was a prestige class which concentrated on jamming the powers of clerics and denying that deities were anything worth worshipping, as opposed to simply powerful but ultimately ordinary beings; I can't recall what it was called, thought.
Parent
Re: (Score:3, Informative)
He propably is. The time and effort he has put into his anti-religious efforts suggests he's quite obsessed about them, too.
However, this doesn't change the fact that Dawkins is known for attacks on religion far more than his work in science. This, I believe, justifies calling him a troll, whether these attacks are a weird practical joke or a genuine obsession.
What a cop out! (Score:5, Funny)
"Good and evil need no explanation" ... if you've figured out what's good and what's evil in this crazy world, please share!
Not funny! (Score:3, Funny)
Slashdot is an awesome place to find out about the latest Internet Explorer vulnerabilities and the hippest Linux distros. But it's a truly dreadful, forsaken, necrotic place for getting legal advice and for finding the funny.
Funny is embedded in an underground cavern on the dark side of the moon from Slashdot. Funny is being cryogenically frozen in carbonite while Slashdot looks on and taunts funny with the voice of James Earl Jones. Funny is imprisoned in Florida, recounting hanging chad from the 2000 election, while Slashdot rules the country for eight years and mispronounces the word "nuclear".
King of the Hill, My Name Is Earl, Wonder Showzen, Look Around You: all funny! Linux startup scripts, Microsoft patent trolling, packet sniffers going 1.0, DVORAK keyboards, anything written to be sung to the tune of anything else, parodies of Magic cards depicting tech moguls: all not funny!
There exists a damned fine reason why the Slashdot moderators are making millions writing PHP and perl scripts, and not making millions writing Hollywood sitcoms. 'CAUSE SLASHDOT IS NOT FUNNY!
Now I'm going to be moderated a troll by someone who writes parodies of Gilbert and Sullivan operettas. Sigh.
Re:Not funny! (Score:5, Funny)
I am the very model of a modern Slashdot forum troll
and when I post and moderate I always will be very droll...
Parent
Priceless (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Error in 'George Bush' (Score:4, Insightful)
AFAIK, his INT score shouldn't be higher than 9.
I'd also say 16 isn't his rolled CHA score; he couldn't possibly have rolled more than 12. At best.
All the rest is the doing of a few magical items, circumstance bonuses and followers.
Also, since he left my benighted country just a few hours ago, he also possesses a magical shield aura along with several hundred guards: no-one can enter the area within 300 m from him.
Setting your eyes on him can also probably turn you to stone or suffer the effect of Baleful Polymorph; what other reason could there be that people living in vicinity of the route he took were told to shutter their windows and stay inside?
Parent
Re:Error in 'George Bush' (Score:4, Funny)
I'd also say 16 isn't his rolled CHA score; he couldn't possibly have rolled more than 12. At best. All the rest is the doing of a few magical items, circumstance bonuses and followers.
Parent
Re:Error in 'George Bush' (Score:5, Funny)
"Fear and Confuse"- This spell has a nation wide area of effect causing any creatures with below 14 INT to see enemies in every shadow and to believe that the caster is their best hope of salvation. Any mage attempting to cast a "Dispel Fear" will immediately be lynched by the effected creatures. Duration: each effected creatures rolls 2d4 for number of years under the spell.
Parent