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Duke Nukem Forever Reviewed 80

Posted by CowboyNeal on Saturday April 01, 2006 @01:23PM from the future-of-gaming dept.

Aranth writes "The staff at Ars Technica has gotten its hands on a demo of Duke Nukem Forever, and has written up a review. It seems the game is near ready for release! As the article explains, the reason it has taken so long to develop is because this is the first real Web 3.0 application- it has 'been rewritten as an Ajax application written using the Ruby on Rails framework' and runs in any web browser, although some seem to have difficulties." Sadly, the game looks to be deficient in the area of ponies. :(((( But, it's playable from my hiptop!! :))))

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Duke Nukem Forever Reviewed

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Try a little harder... (Score:3, Interesting)

by tpjunkie ( 911544 ) writes: on Saturday April 01, 2006 @01:25PM (#15042224) Journal

Come on guys, this isn't even close to believable.

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- Re:Try a little harder... (Score:2)
  
  by MoonFog ( 586818 ) writes:
  
  Who says they're trying? "Everyone" knows that April 1st stories on Slashdot are bogus. Or perhaps you really think we'll be seeing this pink theme and stories about cuteoverload from now on? Laugh, it's funny.
  - Re:Try a little harder... (Score:2)
    
    by nelsonal ( 549144 ) writes:
    
    Dang, I was hoping that I'd won a pony. That ruins my day.
  - Re:Try a little harder... (Score:2)
    
    by Doomstalk ( 629173 ) writes:
    
    Laugh, it's funny.
    
    It is? Could've fooled me.
- Re:Try a little harder... (Score:2)
  
  by Sigma 7 ( 266129 ) writes:
  
  Come on guys, this isn't even close to believable.
  
  Bad advice - a true reader doesn't want them to even try mangling what would be good AFJs.
  
  A good AFJ would be the Goblin Tinker announcement. It even fooled Slashdot since they mangled it to make it look like an obvious AFJ.
- Re:Try a little harder... (Score:1)
  
  by BongoBen ( 776302 ) writes:
  
  As I read through the article, I tried to make myself believe that the game was actually going to come out soon. It made me feel kind of good.
  - Re:Try a little harder... (Score:2)
    
    by wed128 ( 722152 ) writes:
    
    To tell you the truth, by the time i got to the end, i kind of wished they weren't kidding.
  - Re:Try a little harder... (Score:1)
    
    by Jeff Hunter ( 964363 ) writes:
    
    You know, I have decided that I will be buying the game when it comes out, the day it comes out! I will be standing in line, along with the other fourty or so 60+ gamers who have been waiting most of their adult lives for this game to come out. It will be fun.
- Re:Try a little harder... (Score:2, Funny)
  
  by se7en11 ( 833841 ) writes:
  
  It got me until I saw that it was available for Linux, then I knew it was a joke. LOL!!1
- It would've been more believable if... (Score:1, Funny)
  
  by Anonymous Coward writes:
  
  ...they announced that DNF runs best with a Bitboys Glaze3D graphics card.
- Re:Try a little harder... (Score:2)
  
  by mausmalone ( 594185 ) writes:
  
  There wouldn't be much point to making it believable with the 'aprilfools' tag on it.
- Re:Duke Nukem is a nigger. (Score:1, Offtopic)
  
  by alx5000 ( 896642 ) writes:
  
  Yeah, d00d, sure, Montgomery's got the answer [lyricsfreak.com] ...
Very clever (Score:1)

by Fuzzyhaze ( 839743 ) writes:

I would've never thought of using AJAX for the game, but this looks like a winner! (Congrats to Anandtech on the screenshots though- awesome!)
- Re:Very clever (Score:1)
  
  by OmegaBlac ( 752432 ) writes:
  
  Ars Technica is behind joke & screenshots, not Anandtech.
  - Not Important!!! (Score:1)
    
    by DAldredge ( 2353 ) writes:
    
    What is important is IF THEY LIKE PICKLES!!!!
    
    do they??
First real Web 3.0 application? (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes:

So... will it run on linux?
- Re:First real Web 3.0 application? (Score:4, Funny)
  
  by technoextreme ( 885694 ) writes: on Saturday April 01, 2006 @01:35PM (#15042277)
  
  So... will it run on linux?
  Wow. I've heard of not reading the freaking article but this takes the cake. Yes it will run linux.
  
  Parent Share
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  - In fact, DNF is so awesome... (Score:1)
    
    by ickeicke ( 927264 ) writes:
    
    Duke Nukem Forever is so Web 3.0, that IT can run linux!
Didn't need the pink... (Score:3, Funny)

by Kithraya ( 34530 ) writes: on Saturday April 01, 2006 @01:28PM (#15042241)

Didn't need the pink background to know this was a joke. I mean, come on. It's Duke Nukem Forever. The day it actually is released, the world will come to an end.

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- Re:Didn't need the pink... (Score:2, Funny)
  
  by OmegaBlac ( 752432 ) writes:
  
  I mean, come on. It's Duke Nukem Forever. The day it actually is released, the world will come to an end.
  
  Nope. A few apocalyptic signs such as the appearance of the Infinium Phantom Console, Windows Vista, and 99.8% of slashdotters getting "laid" still needs to be fufilled before the end is to come. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it), the last sign will take ages before it even comes close to fruition. ;)
  - Re:Didn't need the pink... (Score:1)
    
    by LordOfTheNoobs ( 949080 ) writes:
    
    We have. We just don't like to say anything because it would make you guys feel bad.
  - Re:Didn't need the pink... (Score:1)
    
    by kesuki ( 321456 ) writes:
    
    It feels so good to be included as the .2% who don't get laid. I'm glad you included all 1,800 of us, who won't get laid. (wrongly assuming that there are 900,000 slashdotters, which is greatly infladed by mass accounts etc.) so really being one of 18 slashdotters who will not wind up being laid, not even as a sign of the apocalypse just kinda makes me feel special.
    - Re:Didn't need the pink... (Score:2)
      
      by kesuki ( 321456 ) writes:
      
      ahah found it i needed to save an april foold day page, and taek the fools.css copy it and change everything with 'red' -fools and a 'high red color' and modify them.
- Re:Didn't need the pink... (Score:1)
  
  by hedwards ( 940851 ) writes:
  
  I think the pink and the ponies was a diversion.
- Re:Didn't need the pink... (Score:2)
  
  by Edward Teach ( 11577 ) writes:
  
  Duke Nukem Forever is the 64th disk in the end of the world Towers of Hanoi puzzle. Once it is released, the monks' job is complete.
I had a problem... (Score:2)

by AnonymousPrick ( 956548 ) writes:

FTFA: So I installed the demo, but thought there had to be more.
I had a problem installing. The install program seams to have a problem with installing as a "Run as.." admin account. But when I install it after logging in as the admin through the startup screen, no problems.
This needs a lot of work and I think it's going to be a while before it's released.
any torrent? (Score:1, Funny)

by necromcr ( 836137 ) writes:

any?
- that's illegal (Score:2)
  
  by G3ckoG33k ( 647276 ) writes:
  
  WTF, torrents of an unpublished demo? That's illegal. You should know that. Don't you remember HL2 or NT4? They came down hard on those dudes, like Duke himself would've.
Ponies! (Score:1)

by The Lerneaen Hydra ( 885793 ) writes:

Nooo!!111oneoneone I wnated PONIES!!! :(:(:(:( I hoep tehy make make a duke nukem pony edition!!! that wud so fit in and be perfect!!!! dont you think???????
PonnyCops (Score:2)

by mobby_6kl ( 668092 ) writes:

How is that possible? I always thought those pigcops were actually mutated ponies, and not ehm... pigs.
Great! (Score:1)

by bhunachchicken ( 834243 ) writes:

Anyone got a torrent???
LOL SODOMY (Score:2, Informative)

by rock217 ( 802738 ) writes:

From TFA
The Good:
* Bright, cheery graphics
* Hilarious hatred of women
* Violence that brings back fond memories of the first Mortal Kombat
* Why grow up? Get some Duke in your life
The Bad:
* Hatred of women maybe not so hilarious after all
* Slim multiplayer pickins'
* A little bit on the short side
* Not enough sodomy
The Ugly:
* It has sodomy at all

Uhhh...Yeah...
- Re:LOL SODOMY (Score:2)
  
  by bckrispi ( 725257 ) writes:
  
  Well. You *do* remember what happened after Duke told that alien, "I'm gonna rip off your head & shit down your throat", don't you?
Best line from the article... (Score:5, Funny)

by Whackjack ( 890964 ) writes: on Saturday April 01, 2006 @01:37PM (#15042294)

Opera 8.5 was a bit glitchy, with some of the dialog being rendered in what sounded like a Scandinavian accent.

Classic.

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Seriously (Score:2, Informative)

by wideBlueSkies ( 618979 ) * writes:

If April Fools on this site wasn't so overdone, and if this story was inserted in the middle of a bunch of real ones, it would have made for a very good joke. Without the AJAX reference of course...

The timing would have been beleivable, given that we haven't heard from 3d realms is a while.
- Re:Seriously (Score:3, Funny)
  
  by DerCed ( 155038 ) writes:
  
  You will all get the joke the editors had in mind when you wake up tomorrow morning and ./ is still pink. :)
- Re:Seriously (Score:1)
  
  by blueflash2o ( 931322 ) writes:
  
  i read it at around 1am before i went to sleep it had me untill i realized it was april 1
- Re:Seriously (Score:1)
  
  by Iron Condor ( 964856 ) writes:
  
  ...which is of course exactly what Ars did. Ars: write it up matter-of-factly and sprinkle it in with the rest of the serious articles: subtle adult humor. /. : quote it, spray-paint it pink, write "OMG PONIES" on it and mix it with other obvious jokes: sophomoric junk.
from http://www.3drealms.com/duke4/ (Score:2, Interesting)

by Anonymous Coward writes:

No, you cannot pre-order the game. If you see some online store saying "We are taking pre-orders", they're just trying to get your money (they usually also make up their own supposed "insider release date info", too). There is no release date set, we are not taking pre-orders for the game. End of story.

Once we begin taking pre-orders, believe us, you'll know about it. :)

The release date of this game is "When it's done". Anything else, and we mean anything else is someone's speculation. There is no date
- Re:from http://www.3drealms.com/duke4/ (Score:3, Funny)
  
  by Guppy06 ( 410832 ) writes:
  
  "There is no date. We don't know any date."
  
  You and every other Slashdotter.
Frist Prost - 4/1 Mod me up. (Score:1)

by xsspd2004 ( 801486 ) writes:

xoxoxoxoxoxo OMG Kitten Cannons.
I for one, welcome... (Score:1)

by Eli Gottlieb ( 917758 ) writes:

Our new Messianic overlord. With Duke Nukem Forever out, he surely can't be far behind!
Color (Score:3, Insightful)

by siliconvortex ( 235693 ) writes: <{siliconvortex} {at} {xetrovnocilis.com}> on Saturday April 01, 2006 @01:48PM (#15042336)

I used to think the games section had the worst color scheme.

I am sad that I was wrong.

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I'm seeding it TorrentPonies.com (Score:2)

by Jackie_Chan_Fan ( 730745 ) writes:

no really.
Not news (Score:2)

by Midnight Thunder ( 17205 ) writes:

This is not news. I have just found out that the music industry has just abolished DRM (Draconian Rights Management) and the DMCA (Draconian Management of Consumer Assets) has also just been been banned.

Apparently it has been decided that the consumer has been screwed enough and that there are better ways to make money from those people. Also the term consumer has been replaced with the term 'those buying suckers' (TM).

This is some day. :-)
- Re:I am no longer reading Slashdot. (Score:2)
  
  by Mistshadow2k4 ( 748958 ) writes:
  
  You obviously didn't wind up on the same page as I did when I went to Fark earlier today. It was all frog porn. Earlier there was a picture of a squirrle with a huge pair of nuts. Not edible nuts.
You know it's bad (Score:2)

by Geoffreyerffoeg ( 729040 ) writes:

when you think the purple games.slashdot theme is easy on your eyes.
Any REAL news? (Score:1)

by garyr_h ( 955473 ) writes:

Is there going to be any REAL news today? Or is it just going to be filled with ponies and pot of golds?
Awww Cmon! (Score:1)

by Apocalyps3 ( 885437 ) writes:

It may be April fools but there's only so far you can push it, I mean yeah sure the layout etc, actually on that note, omg k33p it pweaszeeeee!!!!! s0 cutttttttteeeeeee!!!!!!!!!11

ok but cmon! Duke Nukem Forever review too far guys! more effort, kthx
I don't think so (Score:1)

by Symp0sium ( 961148 ) writes:

There is more chance of Windows Vista being released than this even making it to demo.
Gonna do them all? (Score:1)

by 4D6963 ( 933028 ) writes:

C'mon on, please don't tell me we're gonna see them all on /. today (by "them all" I mean these : http://aprilfools.urgo.org/ [urgo.org] )
gift certificate! (Score:2, Funny)

by Jaryn ( 880486 ) writes:

this isn't even funny! :p

in january 1999, i received a gift certificate from 3drealms for $35 dollars because i won one of their camera captioning contests... and, foolishly, I decided that I would wait a lil while until DNF (Duke Nukem Forever, not Did Not Finish) was released and use it on that!

And so.. yeah, fast forward to 6 years later..

my heart skips a beat! ...

anybody want a $35 dollar gift certificate?
Until the tags (Score:2)

by tprime ( 673835 ) writes:

I had forgotten what day it was until I looked at it and saw the:

aprilfools, gay, straight, dnf, vaporware (tagging beta)

tags... Ruin a perfectly good joke...
L@@K!!!!! (Score:1)

by MattEOtournaments ( 965329 ) writes:

Come to www.eotournaments.com we have the best playersz ever! Cum wathc out touranmanets, u won't be diaspointed!
Oh man (Score:2)

by Taulin ( 569009 ) writes:

When I first saw the article, I too was dissappointed it was finally coming out, as if a part of me had died. When I read it ran in a browser, I was happy again it was not out yet. Had me fooled until I read the Ajax comment.
Oh man... (Score:1)

by kentrel ( 526003 ) writes:

404.. Funny Not Found
APRIL FOOLS! (Score:1)

by Eideteker ( 641508 ) writes:

APRIL FOOLS!
The review forgot some facts. (Score:2)

by master_p ( 608214 ) writes:

DNF was also released for ZX Spectrum, C64, Amstrad CPC6128, BBC, Acorn Electron, Atari 2600 and Atari XL. That is why it took them so long to make.

Brussard stated that they were going to make an Apple I version, but the hardware was not powerful enough.
If I was 3D Realms (Score:1)

by Wescotte ( 732385 ) writes:

I would make sure that when it's actually done it really is realized on April 1st as a big fuck you.
FPS? (Score:1)

by neo1k ( 837159 ) writes:

Too bad there was no mention of how many frames per second they got. :(
DNF (Score:1)

by curtlewis ( 662976 ) writes:

Ah, yes, good ol' Duke Nukem Forever, aka DNF, which is a common acronymn for:

Did Not Finish

Coincidence or planned? You decide!
- Gamie is Released? (Score:1)
  
  by SpamBoxer22 ( 968139 ) writes:
  
  The same day this article was posted my friend showed me a website he said it is sorta like NFORCE or something although kept more upto date and more quickly. Guess what showed up in the releases for 4/01 on PC Games
  Duke.Nukem.Forever-1LiRPA (http://www.tehserver.us/Games [tehserver.us])
  It seems highly unbelieveable although have to admin good April fools joke although, it is very obvious that it would stir things up.
  Well, I cannot wait to pick it up in stores if and when it comes out.

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Try a little harder... (Score:3, Interesting)

Re:Try a little harder... (Score:2)

Re:Try a little harder... (Score:2)

Re:Try a little harder... (Score:2)

Re:Try a little harder... (Score:2)

Re:Try a little harder... (Score:1)

Re:Try a little harder... (Score:2)

Re:Try a little harder... (Score:1)

Re:Try a little harder... (Score:2, Funny)

It would've been more believable if... (Score:1, Funny)

Re:Try a little harder... (Score:2)

Re:Duke Nukem is a nigger. (Score:1, Offtopic)

Very clever (Score:1)

Re:Very clever (Score:1)

Not Important!!! (Score:1)

First real Web 3.0 application? (Score:1, Funny)

Re:First real Web 3.0 application? (Score:4, Funny)

In fact, DNF is so awesome... (Score:1)

Didn't need the pink... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Didn't need the pink... (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Didn't need the pink... (Score:1)

Re:Didn't need the pink... (Score:1)

Re:Didn't need the pink... (Score:2)

Re:Didn't need the pink... (Score:1)

Re:Didn't need the pink... (Score:2)

I had a problem... (Score:2)

any torrent? (Score:1, Funny)

that's illegal (Score:2)

Ponies! (Score:1)

PonnyCops (Score:2)

Great! (Score:1)

LOL SODOMY (Score:2, Informative)

Re:LOL SODOMY (Score:2)

Best line from the article... (Score:5, Funny)

Seriously (Score:2, Informative)

Re:Seriously (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Seriously (Score:1)

Re:Seriously (Score:1)

from http://www.3drealms.com/duke4/ (Score:2, Interesting)

Re:from http://www.3drealms.com/duke4/ (Score:3, Funny)

Frist Prost - 4/1 Mod me up. (Score:1)

I for one, welcome... (Score:1)

Color (Score:3, Insightful)

I'm seeding it TorrentPonies.com (Score:2)

Not news (Score:2)

Re:I am no longer reading Slashdot. (Score:2)

You know it's bad (Score:2)

Any REAL news? (Score:1)

Awww Cmon! (Score:1)

I don't think so (Score:1)

Gonna do them all? (Score:1)

gift certificate! (Score:2, Funny)

Until the tags (Score:2)

L@@K!!!!! (Score:1)

Oh man (Score:2)

Oh man... (Score:1)

APRIL FOOLS! (Score:1)

The review forgot some facts. (Score:2)

If I was 3D Realms (Score:1)

FPS? (Score:1)

DNF (Score:1)

Gamie is Released? (Score:1)

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