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The 10 Most Dangerous Toys of All Time
Posted by
Zonk
on Sat Dec 16, 2006 04:04 AM
from the watch-your-hands dept.
from the watch-your-hands dept.
Ant writes "An article at the Radar lists the ten most dangerous toys of all time, those treasured playthings that drew blood, chewed digits, took out eyes, and, in one case, actually irradiated. To keep things interesting, the editors excluded BB guns, slingshots, throwing stars, and anything else actually intended to inflict harm." My favorite: 'Feed Me!' begged the packaging for 1996's Cabbage Patch Snacktime Kid. And much like the carnivorous Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors, the adorable lineup of Cabbage Patch snack-dolls appeared at first to be harmless. They merely wanted a nibble--a carrot perhaps, or maybe some yummy pudding. They would stop chewing when snack time was done -- they promised. Then they chomped your child's finger off."
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Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab (Score:5, Insightful)
Exactly. It has the N-word in it so it must be dangerous, right? I highly doubt kids who played with this would have even got a fraction of the dose that they normally get from naturally occurring radon. But any risk is too great, right?
Part of the reason the world is so anti-nuclear is that simple science educating toys like this are banned and exaggerated anti-nuclear views (like that of the author) remain unchallenged. Perhaps my generation was the last one where parents normally bought their children electronics and chemistry sets. Today we would fear that the child would be shocked or chemically burned (regardless of the probability).
Warning (Score:5, Funny)
Stupidity In America (and I'm sure everywhere) (Score:5, Funny)
The problem with (America) is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be capital punishment for stupidity, let's just remove the warning labels from products and let the problem solve itself.
And yea, after reading the article, hehe. Wow. I wish I'd had the Atomic lab. Oh the fun I'd have had with that! Those bastards that snapped my bra in high school would have MAJOR issues now...
*Maniacle laughter followed immediately by a chase scene involving a bunch of men in white coats*
Re:Stupidity In America (and I'm sure everywhere) (Score:5, Funny)
Parent
I can't believe they forgot... (Score:5, Funny)
-only $14.95-
* Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.
* Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
* Happy Fun Ball Contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
* Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.
Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:
* Itching
* Vertigo
* Dizziness
* Tingling in extremities
* Loss of balance or coordination
* Slurred speech
* Temporary blindness
* Profuse sweating
* Heart palpitations
If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.
When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration...
Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.
Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.
Happy Fun Ball
ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!
Jarts is #1! (Score:5, Insightful)
I remember playing with Jarts as a kid (<10 years old) many times over. No one ever got hurt from it. There was enough common sense to keep people behind the shooter when playing the game. I guess it seems silly to me that people keep picking on Jarts because there are so many other "dangerous" things out there as well. Jarts is in a small way, a slow form of archery (sharp objects propelled at a target down range), and know that it can be made relatively safe if the proper precautions are taken. I suppose that even something as innocent as playing horseshoes could be dangerous too, should someone take a blow from a heavy chunk of metal to their head. But it's always Jarts that gets picked on. According to a wikipedia article [wikipedia.org] the incident that led to the banning of lawn darts was mostly a result of the combination of lawn darts and beer. That's frequently a bad combination of anything.
Of course without lawn darts, we wouldn't have neat T-shirts about them [ebay.com]. The rest of the list is interesting too. I'm surprised at how many kids that mini-hammock (ranked #3) has managed to strangle over the years.
Re:Jarts is #1! (Score:5, Insightful)
Parent
Re:Jarts is #1! (Score:5, Interesting)
You ain't kidding there, jimbo, but I wouldn't just emphasize young boys, how about twentysomethings? Years ago, an acquaintance had a kick-ass crossbow with pulleys and stuff, and on three separate ocassions that I knew of, he and his friends formed a circle while the guy shot an arrow straight into the sky. That thing was so powerful that the arrow disappeared from view for about a minute, then a buzzing sound grew louder and louder until the damn thing inserted itself several inches into the ground. Talk about stupid.
Once I intercepted these guys at a ranch when they were out night-hunting on a Saturday. I'm not a hunting man myself, so I got there late with a couple of friends, we popped open some beers and waited while staring at the Milky Way and getting a little philosophical. When the hunting expedition returned, my jaw dropped open in disbelief: a compact pickup truck sped towards us, bumping and lurching in the bad dirt road. Three guys were sitting in the front while three guys were standing in the back and leaning forward into the truck's roof. All of them had rifles, except the center guy inside the cabin. The driver had one hand on the steering wheel and another on his rifle, which was resting on the rear-view mirror! Guns were pointing in four or five different directions.
Beer was flowing freely, while a seventh guy was seated on the icebox in the back of the truck, stoned out of his mind and finishing off a full joint all by himself, while holding his upright rifle between his knees. It was un-fucking-believable. Finally, a bizarre little twist - one of the guys was on vacation from studying to become a catholic priest!!!
However, I must admit that the grilled rabbit was quite excellent, and next morning three of the guys woke up early, grabbed some fishing poles, walked down a canyon leading to the ocean, and returned with fish for breakfast. Call them what you may, but they knew how to get food and cook a great meal.
Parent
MIRV's for kids: the Stewie Griffin story (Score:5, Funny)
Parent
Kinda Surprised (Score:5, Insightful)
Pratchett's Hogfather (Score:5, Funny)
The mother took a deep breath.
"You can't give her that!" she screamed. "It's not safe!"
IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather, IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.
"She's a child!" shouted Crumley.
IT'S EDUCATIONAL.
"What if she cuts herself?"
THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.
Needs chemistry lesson (Score:5, Informative)
Some observations (Score:5, Interesting)
Also, the motorcycle one that jams the throttle sounds really dangerous. The kids didn't do anything wrong - it was just defective.
I'm surprised the Honda Kick and Go didn't make the list. I remember that I got one of those as a kid just before they were pulled off the market because they were dangerous (I'm not sure exactly why they were dangerous.)
My parents still have mine, I think. The last time I was at their house, they had my daughter riding it and I was like "no way - those things were recalled" and they were like "you rode it and you are still alive" and I was all like "yeah, and you guys kept a vicious dog that mauled children and I have scars on my face to prove it, so I'm not interested in hearing parenting advice from you".
So, there you go.
I loved the hammock (Score:5, Funny)
Wham-o (Score:5, Funny)
First (and more obvious), the Slip N Slide, and all of its various incarnations and copycats.
Second, was a sort of tetherball variant they sold in ~1985 called "Zing Zang". It featured an adjustable steel pole with a spike on one end (designed to be inserted into the ground), and a wire coil on the other end, onto which a cord with a captive tennis ball was attached. The tennis ball cord would theoretically start in the middle, with each player (holding a hard plastic "raquet") assigned a different direction (clockwise or counterclockwise). The goal was to get to the top or bottom of the coil to win. But most kids I knew would just swing the pole around like a giant two-handed flail, bringing down tennis ball torture on opponents... while trailing a steel spike behind them that would often go forgotten until it lodged in someone else's knees or groin or chest.
Mr. Football! Rah! Rah! Rah! (Score:5, Interesting)
This took only a day or two, and soon my friends and I had Mr. Football out and operating without any adults around. This was wonderful because we knew well that a football was about the least interesting thing you could load into a catapult. We started with rocks, then open soda cans, and eventually insects. It was extrodinarily fun. Until the accident.
While trying to launch a caterpillar, we were waiting for the catapult to go off, when the little creature managed to get to the edge of Mr. Football's powerful plastic hand. With the timer only a couple seconds from going off, one of my friends went over to make sure the caterpillar didn't escape. I warned him to get away from the thing, but too late -- it went off and smacked him right in the face. He fell to the ground and was crying. We went over to check him out. He had a bright red abrasion on his cheekbone and brow, but he seemed okay at first. Then we noticed that his eye was filling with blood. Specifically the iris; the white was normal save for being a bit bloodshot, but the bottom half of the iris was filled with blood. He said he could see but that it was blurry. We sent him home and told him not to tell his mother or we'd all get in trouble.
Of course we all got in trouble. He had to go and get several surgeries on his eye to correct the damage, and I was told it wouldn't ever be 100% again. He moved away a year later so I don't really know. A lawyer or someone like that came by once later to pick up the device, because I think there was a class action suit, though my family wasn't involved in that. I don't think the item was on store shelves a year later. Not sure how much my friend's injury had to do with that.
Anyways, I was sort of hoping to see it on the list, but no dice.
Cheers.
The #1 Most Dangerous Toy (Score:5, Insightful)
Anyways, I think we should ban bicycles.
Just kidding.
Re:Great List (Score:5, Insightful)
Talk about someone with a grudge against Americans. Sure, make fun of them when they earn it (which is often, I will concede), but this is a bit much. Considering the target market is between 4 and 10 years of age, I think expecting a constant level of common sense IS a bit much to ask. That's why children are treated like children.
Parent
Re:Great List (Score:5, Insightful)
i.e. the supid ones need to be weeded out early. It's not like we don't have fun making more of the little bastards. Wanna put some common sense into little Johnny's head, assuming his head is capable of holding such?
Just look him right in the eye and say, "Go right ahead. It's not like you're my only one."
Knowing that mommy and daddy not only will not always be able to protect you, but knowing that they won't even necessarily try teaches you to bloody well look out for yourself.
Maybe we were just funny that way, but back in the day we thought that being able and willing to take care of yourself was something of a survival trait.
But what did we know.
KFG
Parent
Re:Asshole (Score:5, Insightful)
And I have to say the metal playgrounds are miles better than the "awesome wood playgrounds" they replaced. Wood playgrounds were shitty--they were built small, often very unimiganitive design-wise, they splintered terribly, and they were never maintained.
As for gravel--that's the second worst to use on a playground* and I've never understood why people would choose it. Sand is much better, and I see sand a lot more often than I see rubber mats (which are actually quite hard) or shredded rubber.
Of course, my experience with playgrounds may not be representative, since I live in a pretty affluent area and thus we can probably afford more expensive gear.
I'm not entirely sure why you're so hostile about it. It's a playground. Get over it.
*The first worst is woodchips. Yes, I've seen it once. It didn't last long because the kids kept scraping the shit out of themselves.
Parent
Re:ohhhhhhh myyyyy Goddddd! (Score:5, Funny)
Have you looked in a chemistry set lately? They've taken all the fun stuff out. What fun is a chemistry set supposed to be when you don't even have any potassium nitrate? Lame.
Now, you can't even get an alarm clock with radium dials on it anymore, because "oh noes, the terrorists will get it!" Well, let me tell you: if a kid can't play with radioactive materials in the privacy of his parents home anymore, the terrorists have already won.
Parent
Re:ohhhhhhh myyyyy Goddddd! (Score:5, Funny)
As far ast the U238 set, I would say that it was a safe toy compared to my "Junior Chemist" chemistry set which I got when I was 8. The thing had the lot - KMnO4, NaOH, NH3 solution, S, HCl and many other wonderfull things. In reasonable quantities and concentrations (where in solution). The floor of my room kept the scars from some successfull experiments for years to come.
Same for the cannon - it is a joke compared to my neighbout T34 remote controlled battle tank (my parents bluntly refused to buy me one). That thing could shoot plastic rounds circa 5 mm in diameter and move. Both on remote control. Ideal toy for an eight year old and a six year old to chase the family cat. The only advantage the cat had was that the tank while remotely controlled had a manual reload so we had to fetch it after every shell to pull the reload lever. The fun continued until the cat found out that he should attack the person with the remote, not the tank. After that we called a truce.
Parent
Re:ohhhhhhh myyyyy Goddddd! (Score:5, Insightful)
You've got to be kidding me. I think your brain shut off the second you heard nuclear and radiation. I am astounded that the first thing you think of when you see this isn't, "children might swallow the slightly radioactive material, and get sick from heavy metal poisoning." but, "terrorists are going to buy a whole bunch of these kits, and then use the marginally radioactive material to slightly irradiate people with a small pipe bomb! ZOMG!!11 TERRORIRST!!"
Parent
Re:ohhhhhhh myyyyy Goddddd! (Score:5, Insightful)
Parent
Re:ohhhhhhh myyyyy Goddddd! (Score:5, Interesting)
Parent