Uwe Boll Has Three Picture Distribution Deal

1up is reporting that famed, beloved film-maker Uwe Boll has landed a three-picture deal with a company called FreeStyle. They're going to be releasing three Boll-helmed films to theatres across the country. The three films are Postal, Dungeon Siege, and an original work by the director called Seed. "The high-profile cast of In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale -- Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Ron Perlman, Leelee Sobieski, John Rhys-Davies, Matthew Lillard and Burt Reynolds -- means Freestyle's putting their muscle behind the fantasy epic. Opening January 18, 2008, the film's scheduled to appear in at least 2,500 screens -- a nice score for Boll, considering BloodRayne's distribution problems."

Three full length movies?!

[Chris Burke (6130)]

I saw the headline that said "three pictures" as in still images and thought to myself "Yeah, that's about the right length for a Uwe Boll film".

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[RingDev (879105)]

Oddly enough, last I heard his Dungeon Seige movie was like 4 1/2 hours and was getting split into 2 releases (thanks giving/x-mas).

-Rick

Pavlovian Reaction

[Puff of Logic (895805)]

Am I the only one who involuntarily flinches whenever news comes out about movies based on games? I swear, it's an actual physical reaction to mental trauma!

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[Spazntwich (208070)]

Far from it. It's a wonder the man has enough self-respect... or lack of shame to continue making films.

He's a disgrace to the notion of art, and humanity.

Not him, them!

[dazedNconfuzed (154242)]

I can see Uwe making more films.
What flabergasts me is that major actors are still voluntarily acting in them.

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[frosty_tsm (933163)]

John Rhys-Davies just wants to be a dwarf again.

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[Spazntwich (208070)]

Hollywood has always functioned on its own rules of what could be loosely referred to as "logic," but you're right: The actions of movie studios, actors, and Uwe himself all serve to confuse the everloving crap out of me.

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[notreallyunique (1049146)]

What flabergasts me is why studios still like him. House of the Dead (2003) Budget: $7MM; Domestic gross: $10MM Alone in the Dark (2005) Budget: $20MM; Domestic gross: $5.13MM Bloodrayne (2005) Budget: $25MM; Domestic gross: $1.55MM In all 3 cases I couldn't find any significant foreign box office numbers (might have missed those somehow though). Ignoring film quality, I could understand studios taking a risk and giving him more small films to take a crack at. The risk/reward is probably pretty good given

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[Rude Turnip (49495)]

It's all about tax write-offs.

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[Ngarrang (1023425)]

Leelee Sobieski...

That was all I needed to read. I would watch her reading the phone book.

Favors?

[frooddude (148993)]

How many times does Uwe Boll go down for a deal like this? Silver tongue? Hypnosis? Pact with Satan?

Distribution?

[WidescreenFreak (830043)]

"considering Bloodrayne's distribution problems"??? You're joking right? The problem was that Bloodrayne was distributed at all! *shudder* And once again he's trying to hide his pathetic movie making "skills" with some high-profile name. Hey, if Ben Kingsley and that honey Kristianna Lokken couldn't save Bloodrayne I'm not sure how he thinks that doing it again will someone work. Apparently, this company that's giving him these three films has not heard of the phrase about learning from history.

Ooh. I'd better be careful lest Boll challenge me to a boxing match. Unfortunately, he's a better boxer than filmmaker. Then again, he probably does everything better than filmmaking. :P

Problems

[Bugs42 (788576)]

Opening January 18, 2008, the film's scheduled to appear in at least 2,500 screens -- a nice score for Boll, considering BloodRayne's distribution problems.

Silly me, and here I was thinking that BloodRayne's failure was due to it being a crap movie.

Sweet Finally

[Sciros (986030)]

Uwe Boll is my favorite movie director and producer, and fight choreographer of all time. He should make a movie a week because I would watch them all! Bloodrayne was one of the best movies ever because of Kristanna's amazing breasts and Billy Zane's pimp toupee that looked like he kept it in a pocket right up until the camera started rolling in every scene and hastily kinda just slapped it on, barely checking if it was even right-side-up.

Forget Peter Jackson and Halo. Uwe Boll is the only man for that job. And for Zelda as well. I can't wait for his awesome Oscar-sweeping epic Dungeon Siege movie; I assume Burt Reynolds plays the donkey.

Finally!

[brainlessbob (973044)]

His movies gets the attention they deserves and I hope it atleast ends the overall negative publicity his movies gets. They may not be masterpieces but they definently are alot better than what many says.

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[DurendalMac (736637)]

No, they are not a lot better. They are festering warts and cancerous polyps on the rectum of filmmaking. Boll has absolutely no talent and churns out some of the worst garbage Hollywood has ever seen. Here's hoping this is Boll's last gasp. These three films are going to tank, FreeStyle will abandon him, and then hopefully no one will ever fund his films again.

Big name actors

[MontyApollo (849862)]

"The high-profile cast of In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale -- Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Ron Perlman, Leelee Sobieski, John Rhys-Davies, Matthew Lillard and Burt Reynolds

The big name actors made Bloodrayne seem even worse to me - I kept thinking what the fuck are you doing in this crappy movie?

And what are you even doing in this type of movie? I'm looking at you Michael Madsen. And you Michelle Rodriguez.

And the material they had to work with made them look like really lousy actors. What

Mandatory Penny Arcade Link

[JMZero (449047)]

Dungeon Siege: The Movie [penny-arcade.com]

Oversaturated

[Shky (703024)]

This is good, people! If Uwe floods the market with his crappy films, perhaps poorly acted, written, and directed films will fall out of favour! People will go to the cinema and think: "Wow, looks like they totally Uwe'd this movie, let's check out something else."

So don't worry everybody, we can count on the market and people's good sense and intelligence to fix the problem.

Right...?

Re:Oversaturated

[suv4x4 (956391)]

People will go to the cinema and think: "Wow, looks like they totally Uwe'd this movie, let's check out something else."

It's not how it works. You see, some movies are so bad, I mean SO BAD, that they're good. The canonical example is "Plan 9 from outer space" (you gotta check this out).

If you thought Plan 9 is funny, then you will love Uwe's "Alone in the Dark" quite a bit more. The movie is so hilarious, that if they marketed it as a parody, I'd never suspect anything else.

The script, acting, editing, effects: everything is going to crack you up. And this is why, I like Uwe's movies and watch them. Especially good if you go watch it with some friends.

Burt Reynolds?

[kidcharles (908072)]

Burt Reynolds in a medieval fantasy movie? Here's some working titles:

Smokey and the Rogue
The Longest Furlong
The Best Little Whorehouse in Middle Earth
Cannonball Run

License to kill movies

[Dewser (853519)]

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Why hasn't someone taken this man's movie making license away!!!??? And what frickin suckers would give this guy money to make movies in the first place?????

The best scene in Bloodrayne was Meatloaf's naked vamp chick harem, then you he actually had to throw meatloaf in that scene which took it down a bunch of notches.

I saw a brief story a while back on Postal and thought to myself, um, like the game REALLY didn't have much of a story line. It was pretty much "

Ugh

[jollyreaper (513215)]

That man takes to the movie camera like Jason Vorhees and hockey masks.

"Uwe Boll and the German Tax Code" (Escapist)

[Allen Varney (449382)]

For the second time in two days, I get to plug one of my Escapist articles: "Uwe Boll and the German Tax Code [escapistmagazine.com]," which answers the perennial question "Why do people keep giving Boll money to make movies?" (Link goes to HTML text version.)

Re:What I really want to know is

[Ray Radlein (711289)]

"Eeeew! Blows!"