Christian Game Developers Conference Plans Gathering

Thanks to GamerFeed for its story noting the Christian Game Developers Conference has announced its third annual gathering, to be held in Portland, Oregon on July 30th-31st. The official CGDC site has more information on the expo, which "officially expands to include card, board and paper game developers alongside interactive electronic entertainment." There's also word from conference organizer Tim Emmerich of GraceWorks Interactive: "We... plan to examine the variety of games currently on the market and successes in other media such as 'The Passion of The Christ' and the 'Left Behind' series, which proved that Bible-based products can do well in the market if they are well made."

For those paper games...

[Toxygen]

They should base them on the AD&D system. Or maybe Magic: The Gathering.

Makes me think of...

[JasonMaggini]

..."The Simpsons."
What was the game the Flanders' kids had? "Billy Graham's Bible Blasters" or something?

Mormon Games

[Anonymous Coward]

How about Mormon Games in which you spend all your time running from angry Native Americans because, you, as a Mormon, believe that Indians were too dumb to have made their own burial mounds and Israelites did it instead?

Re:What I wanna know...

[Mr. Darl McBride]

...there's got to be a joke in here. Something about being delivered on the third day...

Good times

[Wylfing]

Seriously, there are some great games out there. I recommend this [games-workshop.com] or this [games-workshop.com]. Burn, heretic, burn!

FUN

[Sevn]

Suggestions for Titles:

The Adventures of Young God

Moses vs Hoover Dam

The Great Whale Escape

Sodom and Gommorah Sims

Santa vs The Israelites

Jesus Chainsaw Massacre (aka WWJD Smackdown)

Re:Christians?

[WTFmonkey]

So it's just another day in Heaven, and Jesus and Moses are sitting up in heaven, shooting the shit as usual. Out of nowhere, Jesus starts looking a little down, almost embarassed.

"Hey, Jee, what's wrong?" asks Moses, concerned.

"Well you see, it's just been so long since I 'did my thang' that I'm starting to wonder if I've still got what it takes to maintain my reputation as the Son of God."

Moses looks sympathetic. "Well, you know, Jee, there's only one way to solve this. Let's go find out!"

So Jesus and Moses cruise down to Earth, landing in the vicinity of the Red Sea.

Moses says, "Okay man, I'm older than you, I'll go first." So he bows his head for a moment, looks up, then suddenly spreads his arms. The Red Sea parts, and Moses holds it for a moment before letting it settle.

"Yeah, baby! Thousands of years, and I still got it! w00t!"
Jesus, looking encouraged, stands up and begins to walk on the surface of the water. He gets about ten yards out and sinks like a rock.

Well, Jesus doggy-paddles his way back to shore (not ever having a reason to learn to swim, y'understand), and he's spitting out saltwater, puilling seaweed out of his hair, and he says, "Wait, I'm only two thousand years old! What's going on here? What happened?"

And Moses answers, "My friend, I was afraid of this. The last time you tried that, you didn't have those two holes in the bottom of your feet!"

Re:For those paper games...

[Anonymous Coward]

How about Call of Chthulu?

Re:How Christian is Christian?

[Haeleth]

Although extreme Bible-thumping explicitly Christian games thus far have been rare and poorly-executed, there's no shortage of mainstream games with religious over/undertones, symbolism, or commentary. Deus Ex, Xenogears, and Alpha Centauri come to mind. Can someone name more?

Um... Doom?

Worthington's Law

[Anonymous Coward]

Bob: This guy sucks!

David: None of these people seem to think so.

Bob: I don't care; I'm funnier than he is.

David: Oh yeah, if you're so funny, how come you don't have your own show?

Bob: I did until you fired me! Well, I just don't think he's so great.

David: He makes more money than you do.

[Bob ponders the thought.]

V.O.: That's right, Bob. Listen to your friend, a person who makes more money than you is better than you, and therefore beyond criticism. This is called the Worthington Law [which reads "More Money = Better Than"] and it's used to gauge the value of human worth. Carl Espick, economist, and editor of Value Magazine.

Carl: Yeah, that's right. So what do you think? Wrong! Whatever you were gonna say doesn't matter because I make more money than you. That's if you're 80% of the public. So, I'm right. Each year, Value Magazine ranks the 500 best people in the history of the world. Did you know that, according to Worthington's Law, the opera singer who called himself The "Great" Caruso was nowhere near as great as Sammy Hagar, The Red Rocker? So shut up, Caruso! Hey! Who's greater than Saint Francis of Assisi? How about, uh, Darryl Strawberry? See ya later, Saint Frannie, ya schmuck. Hey, guess who's better than Van Gogh. Let's see, after adjusting for inflation...[uses calculator] almost everybody! He made nothing! [shot of John fixing car]

John: So that means that I'm better than Van Gogh and Galileo put together!

Carl: And I'm better than you, brainiac. In 1995, Steve Peaters had no money. He was a public school teacher, so his opinion wasn't worth very much. But then, in 1996, he won the lottery, and he was a great man. Greater than Einstein, who made very little. But then, guess what this genius-for-a-day does. He goes and gives his money to charity. Now he's about as dumb as Einstein. Way to go, Einstein. So, read Value Magazine [unoriginal.com], and get to know the 500 best people in the world.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:Atheism a faith like any other

[dont_think_twice]

What? There is no Flying Purple People Eater? My existence is meaningless.

Conflicting Christian Denominations

[Allison Geode]

I think a big problem is that methodists and catholics and lutherans all have different variations on the belief, and the you get a bunch of christian programmers, but they all have differeng beliefs, and we end up with the dreck that the market puts forth under the Lord's name! we should pick one denomination to make the games.. the one that has the most faith, I'd say. so I propose that all the other christian denominations leave the christian video game scene to one specific denomination who will do it the most justice and make the best christian electronic entertainment of all: the Amish.

Re:licensing options

[macdaddy357]

Here is an idea for a Christian video game. It's called Crusade.

In phase one, you go to the Middle East to kill moozlim ayrabs in Christ's name, [medievalcrusades.com] but don't stop at just the men. Kill the women and children, too. They are all heathens. Kill anyone on your path. Kill the livestock and burn their crops!

Phase two is set back in Europe. Now, we are hunting for witches. With your trusty copy of Malleus Maleficarum [sacred-texts.com] by your side, go from town to town, put the witches on trial, and burn them all! Don't leave a single woman or girl alive, they could easily be witches. Make sure to destroy any synagogue, and and Jews therein. The strange things they do in there are probably witchcraft, too.

In phase 3, we are here in the good old US of A. Take up serpents! Drink poison and survive, speak in new tongues. Deny children medical care, but instead pray, and go door to door telling people how they will burn in hell if they don't join your church!

Last Year's Disaster!

[superultra]

Boy, I sure hope this year's is better. I had a big booth for my game, "Win the Wicked," (selling for $49.99) and last year some weird Jewish guy with a whip [gospelcom.net] came through the hall yelling and overturning tables everywhere. Something about his father's temple. WTF? Guy was on speed or something. Probably cost the developers at the conference a thousands of dollars each. The damage he caused to my equipment was why I had to push back the game a few months. Who did he think he was anyway, stopping me from selling my Christian games? This is America, a Christian country!

I hear they got an injunction against him this year though. For all the trouble he caused me, he could be rotting in a grave for all I care.

The one I am really looking forward to ...

[Nice2Cats]

The Christian game I am really looking forward to is Crusades:

In the name of Jesus and with the blessing of the Pope, invade countries that are your technical, scientific, and cultural superiors, slaughter the inhabitants, and on the way there, get rid a few of the Church's main Christian rivals.

The other one that looks good is Witch Hunt:

In the name of Jesus and with the blessing of the Pope, go whole hog on S/M: Randomly pick women to torture, rape, and murder (not necessarily in that order). Women who have helped liberate France from foreign invaders get extra points!

I've heard there is a newer version of that called Stone the Homosexual, but then I'm probably going to get modded down enough as it is.

Seriously, people, where does this idea come from that Christian games will be any more tolerant, life-loving, or enlightening than the past 2,000 years of Christian history have been?

Re:Do these people have a CLUE?

[ZX-3]

The text on the page was, needless to say, completely illegible.

Was it? Or maybe, the problem was that your faith was not strong enough...

Re:Atheism a faith like any other

[Eevee]

Is there an invisible, bloodthirsty unicorn hiding behind you right now, waiting to pounce?

Why, yes. Yes, there is. But he likes me. He really likes me. He didn't like my roommate. No, he didn't. He didn't like the police officer, either. Oh, no. He didn't like them at all.

Strangely enough, the other police officers didn't believe in invisible unicorns either. But they never could prove he didn't exist. They never could prove...anything.