Playing Games While Not Ruining Your Relationship? 1054
Silicon Mike asks: "A nice sized group of us here at work recently picked up City of Heroes, and started playing together. While all of us were gamers to some extent, now we're all pretty addicted and want to play together online all the time. The problem some of us are running into is that our significant others aren't too happy with us gaming all the time. Other then the two obvious solutions (quit playing or dump the significant other) I'm wondering how other people have deal with it? I tried installing Zoo Tycoon on my other computer and saying 'Look honey, cute bears' but she just didn't bite."
Wrong crowd... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Wrong crowd... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Wrong crowd... (Score:5, Funny)
My wife told me it was either her or the video games
God I'll miss her!
Re:Wrong crowd... (Score:4, Interesting)
Heavily team-oriented games tend to lend themselves to this sort of balance: A large number (three or four) unskilled players can take down a skilled player with a decent plan (which can be easily derived by one of the most skilled players which is on the same team as the unskilled). Pretty much any one-on-one game (such as WarCraft III) does not lend itself to this sort of play, in spite of some attempts to balance through handicaps (Soul Calibur II is a good example of a game that attempts to balance through a handicap, and fails [for extreme circumstances]).
Re:Wrong crowd... (Score:4, Interesting)
Co-operative play is what's missing, that's all. When the skilled player can help the unskilled player, all's fine and dandy. For me, I've spent countless hours playing Bubble Bobble with my girlfriend - the funny thing about this being that she introduced me to it (years ago I mentioned that I'd found this great thing called MAME that emulates old arcardes, and her first question was whether I could find a copy of bubble bobble). She was brilliant at it (she'd got through all 100 levels when she was much younger) but since the two player mode is co-operative it was easy for me to learn it and become good at it too.
Actually, Bubble Bobble's a great game for significant others to play - the graphics are cute (if old), the game is non-violent and the gameplay is probably some of the best ever created - even today it is challenging, fast and continuously interesting, especially as you progress through the levels.
For those who are interested, the rom's called bublbobr.zip IIRC
Re:Wrong crowd... (Score:5, Funny)
This is something that has recently baffled me. All of these thirty-something guys that now have wives and families (no, not most of
I am likely one of the only people on Earth obsessed with Pitball, because it was something we could play together that I didn't totally suck at. Of course, it was limited, easy to learn, and didn't involve magic-users or anything good, so he won't play anymore. I still like it. And if I get him drunk enough, he'll play.
I know it's a teenage boy genre, but I'm checking out stupid videogame magazines in the bookstore once a month, looking for cooperative games for us to play. God knows we don't want to have to talk to each other.
Re:Wrong crowd... (Score:5, Interesting)
As someone else put it: if I thought all-out cut-throat back-stabbing competition was fun, I'd have went to business school.
As early as the text-based MUD's it was known that you basically get 4 types of players:
- socializers (like to talk and interact with other players)
- achievers (want to have the biggest score)
- explorers (not just exploring geography, but also every bit of game mechanics)
- killers (basically hostile to other players. Not just competing for the highest frag count, like an achiever would, but actually wanting to annoy, humiliate, keep others from playing, etc.)
See Bartle's paper for more detail.
And it baffles me that most games catter either to killer-achievers or plain old killers, but pretty much every single non-MMO online game thoroughly ignores the other three categories. Pretty much every single multiplayer game nowadays is about playing _against_ other players, and not together with them.
It's not even a new problem. Even aside from Bartle's paper, there have been countless articles and flame-wars on MUD boards, explaining that some people explicitly do _not_ want to play _against_ other players. And why.
But no, every new multiplayer game just _has_ to catter to the same overcrowded market segment, and ignore everyone else.
This industry truly baffles me.
Re:Wrong crowd... (Score:4, Interesting)
So based on this plus a sampling of discussions with people who worked on other games that the core problem is an overrepresentation of the killer point of view among developers.
Get her involved (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Wrong crowd... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Wrong crowd... (Score:4, Funny)
What about all those The Sims playin' 1337 chicks?
Try giving her a "I love my geek" pijama from ThinkGeek, and she might understand that it is not just a habit but a lifestyle and that you're proud of it.
She'll even be proud that all her base are belong to you!
Re:Wrong crowd... (Score:5, Funny)
I agree. I have not seen my wife since I put zoo tycoon on the computer. She is an l337 zookeeper.
Bah. (Score:4, Insightful)
Definitely. (Score:5, Insightful)
Admittedly, it's not like you can expect whoever you fall for to have the same interests... so for the standard reality-check - make sure your girl's getting enough time, and that your gaming isn't taking away from your relationship... then Hero away. A couple other things to remember:
1) The game will be there when you go back. If life's calling, hang up on the game... so maybe you lose some exp, or you annoy your group - there are far worse things to lose than that.
2) Try to make sure that you're not losing time - telling someone you'll be home (or will meet them, pick them up, etc.) "in an hour" and coming home three hours later is being an ass no matter what you were doing. I used to be terrible about that.
3) Take care of your responsibilities out-of-game. The game is more likely to be the focus of anger for your partner if you're not doing your share of housework, food prep, dog feeding, all that stuff. (It also means that your gaming time is much less likely to be interrupted with timed demands to do chores.)
Good luck, and it is possible.
Re:Bah. (Score:4, Funny)
Thereby robbing us of our last shred of masculinity. If you take away our video arcades and our comic books stores, what do we have left? I mean, come on! Don't you women mock us enough as it is? Is it not enough to break our wills and rob us of anything vaguely resembling dignity by simply having two X chromosones? Has it gotten so boring for you that you now feel the need to make our lives miserable by beating us at our own games? Are you not intimidating enough as it is?
Once upon a time we had our sacntuaries! We could stride confidently (or the closest to a "stride" as we geeks could muster) into a gaming store and know that there wouldn't be anybody within ten kilometers that would make us feel like stuttering morons! It didn't matter that we were still stuttering morons without you around to remind us, becuase we could still stutter moronicly about each other about the evils of Pudding Workshop or discussing our favorite kinds of dice! Heck, it was about the only situation where we could make you as scared of us as we are of you; in small numbers we're amusing oddities, fun to torment and watch squirm, but when we collect together in a basement somewhere we were downright creepy!
But now we have women like you, by far the worst example of the species! You know it's all a front and you enjoy exposing us! I've seen your kind! You go to conventions and get a kick out of the way how, no matter how crowded the place is, there is never anybody within ten feet of you! Heck, how much longer will it be before you and a few of your friends use your natural anti-geek fields to herd us all into a corner and having those conventions all to yourselves?
We geeks have tried to let you have what you want with the hopes that you'll at least leave us with something we could call our own! We've sacrified so much in the interest of trying to coexist peacefully with you (just so long as you do your existing way over there somewhere)! Well, it's time for us to band together, take the stand we were never able to take in gym class and finally say No more!
You've taken my internet! You've taken my anime! You've robbed me of almost every reason I ever had to continue living! You've probably even stolen my soul somewhere along the line! By God, woman, you are not going to take my video games!
Of course, I hope by my saying this to you I haven't... well... you know... ruined my chances with... well... um... I hope I haven't come off too...
Soul-stealer!
Re:Wrong crowd... (Score:5, Insightful)
I'm having difficulty with your second assertion. Just how does the use of backspace end up being equivalent to an "All Your Base" joke? Granted he was making a "nerds don't have girlfriends" joke, but the use of the backspace in this instance says, "Why are you asking me.... Oh wait! I mean why are you asking them?" and it becomes self-deprecating humor. I believe you may have missed that since people who take themselves too seriously often don't understand that type of humor.
Re:Wrong crowd... (Score:5, Funny)
May I refresh your memory?
In Soviet Russia, dead horse flogs YOU
I, for one, welcome our dead horse flogging overlords
All your dead horses are belong to us
BSD has been flogged to death
????
PROFIT!!!
etc, etc, etc. Do not expect any originality here.
Re:Wrong crowd... (Score:5, Funny)
how can you forget a beowolf cluster of dead horses!
Re:Wrong crowd... (Score:5, Funny)
Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Insightful)
If you have to be gaming all the time, as you say, it's time to grow up. And if you can't just do a little, then maybe you should give it up all together.
I've been married 15 years, and it's largely because my wife and I both make sacrifices. There's no getting around it. I hope you work things out for the best.
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Funny)
The only difference is after she's done she actually thinks I'm interested in how ugly her best friends brother's cousin's roomate's nephew's baby is while I'm fully aware she couldn't give a crap if my Necromancer leveled !twice! tonight.
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Insightful)
I'd like to see a vote on how many guys here have encountered that double-standard. I get in trouble if I look bored when hearing about something boring, but I get a bored look if I try to talk about my latest Genossian Lab raid in SWG.
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Insightful)
Women deal with their lives by talking about things that delve into the minutae of their daily existence.
Men like to get really absorbed into something that doesn't envolve talking or an excessive amount of conscious thought like a game or tv.
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:4, Interesting)
Not here. Not w/my wife. (Man, she's awesome!)
We both have needs for time alone. We both get it by acknowledging this need.
I'm *required* to pay attention to her when she's talking to me about "relevant" (kids, money, etc) things, and she's *required* to listen to me when I want to talk about 'relevant' things (software, client conversations and contracts, etc)
Everything else is fair game for the axe. As in - "I'm sorry, but I'm really not interested in this right now" or "Do you mind if I (X/Y/Z) right now?".
Your choices extend beyond Games/GF.
How about telling her your concerns? Rather than say "Jesus, chick, you b0r3z me!", try "A conversation is a 2-say activity, and I find it difficult to engage in this conversation because I don't feel you are interested in what I have to say".
Interestingly enough, I find that I DO find my wife's interests far more interesting when I feel she's interested in mine. You may find that she really IS interested, and that you are just assuming she isn't!
Other than that, another good piece of advice is to NEVER, NEVER, NEVER allow for insults. Just don't do it. Never "bitch! / asshole!". Rather, say "I feel the urge to call you a bitch because NNNNN"
This leads to a solution, rather than exacerbating the miscommunication. Sounds crazy and "shrink-ish" but in my case, these attempts at more direct and meaningful communication have worked amazingly well.
It does take time - lots of it, and for me, it's well worth it!
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Funny)
Of course, when I tried to explain that calling Japan for 6 hours was more expensive than me gaming, I got the "What's your point" look.
Oh, and I cannot disturb her during that 6 hour conversation. Cannot! Under any circumstances.
However, when she is done, it does not matter that I am in the middle of a battlefield running from a cunning sniper trying to find a medic. Oh no! I am to disconnect immediately!
This is why netcafes are a godsend.
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Insightful)
if you want respect, act respectably.
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Insightful)
AMEN brother (Score:5, Funny)
Suchetha
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Funny)
Your balls called... they said when you're ready to play CS again they'll be waiting.
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:4, Interesting)
Ah yes...I believe normal people do things like take walks, for us it's "maybe we can fit another mission in before bedtime!"
I feel so pathetic...and yet wonderful.
So my suggestion to the slashdot crowd is to meet girls ON the games...but then...they aren't always girls
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:4, Insightful)
There are a number of computer games my wife and I like to play together, separately, etc. Gaming and relationships are not mutually exclusive, so you need to figure out if the gaming is the problem or not. I've had girlfriends that were the problem, but that is what "breaking up" is for.
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Funny)
And fill in the blank with any habbit except maybe "flowers buyer"
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Insightful)
Compulsive anything (even cunnilingus) isn't going to work in a relationship unless you both have the same compulsion. And then while it's a relationship, it's certainly not healthy.
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Insightful)
Don't get me wrong, that's not a slag -- for some people, their friends, online or in the flesh, are more important than being in a committed relationship. Just don't leave the other person in limbo.
Also, recognize the difference between "friends" and "gaming" -- is it the game you want to play, or the friends you want to play with? If it's the former, time to evaluate your priorities.
Well (Score:5, Insightful)
Why? Well, as you said, relationships are give and take. Pat of that is both of you need time to do things that YOU enjoy, even if the other does not. Those should, of course, be limited, but people need time for their own fun even in a commited relationship. If your SO can't handle that, you probably are in an unhealthy relationship.
I know far too many people, mean and women, where their life is all about what the other person wants. If the SO doesn't like it, it has to go entirely. If the SO want to do it, then they do. Not a healthy way to be.
So if a woman wants you to cut back your gaming to not be the dominant activity in your life, that's a good thing. If she wants you to cut it out entirely, that's not and you need to talk about it.
Re:Well (Score:4, Insightful)
This is true. However, I surmised that the problem was of the first kind, given the questioner said:
"The problem some of us are running into is that our significant others aren't too happy with us gaming all the time."
I play some games, but nothing like a single young geek (I do not mean that unkindly) can. I have a PS2, and mainly play games that don't require hours and hours to have any fun, so RPGs are pretty much out for me. That's OK. I've found as I get older that I prefer drawing and painting for relaxation.
However, your point about moderation is a good one. You have the right to make some demands on your SO, but not to force said SO to give up something he/she loves (may not apply when that thing is heroin, affairs, serial killing, listening to Neil Diamond, and so on).
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Informative)
Yahoo Groups: Everquest Widows [yahoo.com]
Also, if your relationship has already gone south and you really want to keep it, don't be afraid to go talk with a counselor-- by yourself at first, but you might need to both go together to someone else, too.
Finally, if games are really more important than time with her-- stick with what you enjoy. Keep in mind that you might be making a long-term mistake for some short-term satisfaction.
Join me, Luke... (Score:5, Insightful)
I must confess... I've tried it with my wife, but thus far have had no luck. Back in the day she was a relentless MUD'er, but now doesn't seem to have any interest in computer games whatsoever (I feel like Luke trying to drag Vader back to the Light side of the force... "there is good in him... I have felt it").
Still, sacrifices are what makes a relationship work. She's intelligent, beautiful, funny, a good cook, a great mom, and makes more money than I do. Her only flaw seems to be that she married far beneath her station... a flaw for which I am eternally thankful.
I'd give up the games for her... but she'd never force me to do that... give-and-take is a beautiful thing.
I agree with the parent poster... you don't end a relationship for a lousy video game... I don't care how 1337 it is.
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Insightful)
I wasn't paying attention to the wife, I wasn't doing housework, I wasn't cooking... nada, just a gaming freak for a few months. Almost had to get a divorce, mainly because I would jump down her neck if she tried to kiss me good night or something that would interrupt play.
Finally recognized the signs of addiction and scaled back, got to playing 2 hours per night, and not at all on weekends. Then, thanks to the mechanics of DAoC, I couldn't accomplish much and I couldn't talk to the players that I wanted to talk to in 2 hours, so it made it easier to quit.
MMORPGs are the devil on relationships because you can't always just turn it off because there's always something to do in game before you turn it off.
The best thing to do, is get some single player games, or, even better, get in to FPS's where you can log in, go in Rambo mode, or just follow a couple of guys around and get the fragging out of your system for a couple of hours a week.
But if you have any addictive tendencies, and have the propensity to melt into your computer game, cut out your MMORPG right away, and trade it in on a FPS, single player.
Or, even better, spend your evenings drinking, talking and laughing with your SO. You did marry them for some reason.
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Insightful)
Maybe you're just deliberately missing the point, but just in case...
It doesn't mean 15 years of sacrifice. It means that for 15 years, we both have made some sacrifices. For example, I don't go out with my friends every night like I used to. And sometimes I stay home so SHE can go out with friends. I don't even know what it would mean to be married without any sacrifices. That sounds like, "I'm doin' what I want, baby - if you don't like it, too bad."
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:5, Insightful)
IMO, the parent is far more likely to have a successful marriage than the dozens of uber-moderated posts I've seen so far that have repeated the conventional wisdom of "relationships are all about sacrifices!" What's the point? Sacrifice for its own sake?
A good relationship doesn't make you change, it makes you want to change. In a good relationship, you don't have to stop playing games, but you end up wanting to play them less. Once you start talking about doing things "for the good of the relationship," it's over; the relationship is supposed to suit the couple, not the other way around, and if either of you fall into that trap both of you will only end up with a lot of pain and resentment.
I'm sure we all know at least one person that has been through marriage more than twice. Their problem isn't their since of independence or their unwillingness to change themselves, their problem is their focus on marriage as an end unto itself. "Oh, this isn't how marriage is supposed to be like! Time to move on!"
And, by the same token, I'm sure we all know that one divorced couple that actually get along far better after the divorce than when they were married. They may even still live with each other, and people that didn't know them personally might think they were still married. What's their secret? Wittingly or not, when they found themselves stuck with having to choose between the other person and "marriage," they opted to scrap the ideal and hang on to the other person. And that's what marriage is really supposed to be about.
Whether you like it or not, the parent poster has a far healthier attitude about relationships than the person who submitted the article. The parent isn't going to try to force themselves to change for the other person and end up resenting them for it.
Anybody who wants to "protect the sanctity of marriage" has already failed, no matter what their motivation.
Re:Adulthood calls... (Score:4, Insightful)
If the relationship is healthy neither of you should have to sacrifice anything.
From this I can only conclude that you have never had a healthy relationship.
If you have to be gaming all the time, as you say, it's time to grow up.
In short, fuck you and your mother. We are grown ups, the fact that we prefer Counter-Strike to football and budweiser or NASCAR doesnt change that.
Geez, you read a lot into what I said. If you have to be watching football or NASCAR or drinking Bud all the time, it's also time to grow up.
And if you can't just do a little, then maybe you should give it up all together.
So in your opinion he should give up something that makes him happy just to keep getting laid regularly?
I see the problem: lack of comprehension. Let me help: Did you see where I said "if you can't just do a little, then maybe you should give it up all together?" See, the IF and MAYBE indicate that this is a possibility he might consider.
That you seem to think the sole point of a relationship is getting laid further strengthens my suspicion that you've never had a healthy relationship.
This double standard makes my blood boil.
That's pretty potent for something you merely imagined. Maybe you could show me where I said that advice only applies to males? There isn't any? Goodness, it seems you pulled this double standard out of your hinder.
If this was a mundane woman talking about how her boyfriend gets angry because she spends too much time gardening or knitting people would be telling her to dump him for trying to control her. But since this is a man who wants to play video games, you and people like you are telling him that he has to change, grow up, compromise, sacrifice; things that no one would suggest if he had a different gender & hobby.
Bull Fucking SHIT! BOTH PARTIES have to compromise equally, and nothing I wrote even implies otherwise. You just made that up. What a fun game! Invent somebody else's opinion, then flame them for it!
It doesn't matter what the gender, or what the hobby. If you have to be playing with your hobby - ANY hobby - all the time, then you don't have time for a relationship. Fine. But you have to make a choice to either make compromises or forget the relationship. It may not have occurred to you, but when you spend all your time playing a game and ignoring this person you claim to have a relationship with, the relationship isn't really there, is it?
He didn't ask if you thought he should stop playing. If he does give up gaming entirely, he'll probably resent her for it.
I said he should cut back, and only suggested he consider giving up entirely if he can't manage anything but all or nothing. Did you give any consideration to reading what I wrote, then using your brain to parse the sentences and extract their actual meaning before jumping on the detonator? Guess not.
Why don't we try an experiment? You set yourself up with a girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever, then resolve NEVER to compromise. Make the ground rules clear: You do whatever you want, whenever you want, and if he/she doesn't like it, tough, you'll do what you want anyway. Report back later and tell us how it goes.
Lucky (Score:4, Funny)
You're lucky, I'd have bitten your head off after a comment like that.
Re:Lucky (Score:5, Funny)
That is what you meant right?
Solution (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Solution (Score:4, Funny)
Tried that with DOOM I. Didn't work too good. (But if it does, marry her.)
Good old BUNNY.MP3, the best end game music ever [doom2.net].
Nice try, but... (Score:5, Insightful)
Besides, women are more fun to score with.
Get the Significant other Involved in the game (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:Get the Significant other Involved in the game (Score:5, Insightful)
Now City of Heroes. I didn't like it for the first few days(because from what I saw of the gameplay, it sucked...but that was because it was just for the first few levels, so the combat seemed slow because of lame recharge times)...so it looked like he was choosing a crappy game over me.
But now I'm into it. And I'm lucky that my boyfriend encourages the inner gamer geek in me. He helps me and suggests strategies for when I'm/we're playing Soul Caliber 2, Diablo 2, City of Heroes, etc. etc. I say I'm lucky because he could just as easily be protective of his Xbox or computer(mine's old and can't handle much more than Alice). I also got over my aversion to City of Heroes because we had a talk about it. I made a big assumption that was wrong: he was choosing the game over me. But the reality, he said, was that he was choosing the game over doing nothing. I was afraid to speak up and ask to do things with him because I assumed I would annoy him and interrupt his levelling. Turns out that isn't the case; it was just a vicious cycle of him playing, me assuming he doesn't wanna be with me, me not saying we should do something, him assuming I don't wanna do anything, so he played the game. Luckily it was only a few days before that was straightened out. :)
Well (Score:5, Insightful)
When you're 60 years old and remembering the great times of your life, no ones going to say, "You know, I should have dumped that old broad and played more video games..."
Re:Well (Score:5, Funny)
Yeah because "Man I bent over backwards for that cow and she STILL dumped me" is so much better.
How's the parent rate a "funny" ? (Score:5, Funny)
In short, video games are better than a bad relationship by orders of magnitude. I'd rather play Daikatana than spend ten minutes with my ex. Yeah, relationships are a give and take thing, but when you're doing all the giving and SheBitch, Queen of the Universe is doing all of the taking, well.... fuck that noise. GTA calls.
A good relationship, on the other hand, is a completely different story. Bad relationships drive me to video games. Good ones leave me with little inclination to pick up the control pad.
Re:How's the parent rate a "funny" ? (Score:5, Insightful)
Leaving your dirty underwear on the pillows is one thing. A girl goading you into changing your hairstyle, lifestyle, POSITION IN LIFE, etceteras, is NOT someone who's going to make you happy. At all. Ever. Women and boys are like Linux geeks and Linux- they see a lot of things they want to change and approach the guy from a standpoint of Potential, as opposed to what he Actually Is- and they set about to make changes. This in and of itself seems to be an inherent compulsion (in my experience and observation), and how (badly) it manifests depends largely on the woman's personality.
Marrying the first girl who's willing to have sex with you is not a recipe for success- surviving a handful of relationships will teach you what you want out of one, what you need to change about yourself, and what you shouldn't change about yourself.
Oddly enough, relationships are like video games in the standpoint that the more you "play" them, the "better" you get at them.
Time to grow up a little, IMO (Score:5, Insightful)
If the two of you can't work out a comprimise (spoken or unspoken), then you really don't belong in a relationship with one another. Gaming isn't the only thing that's going to eat into your life in the next few years -- work, children, clubs, friends, PTAs, softball games, etc. will all potentially require some kind of balance if you're going to continue a workable relationship. So look at this as a test run.
Relationships are about cooperation -- they're about *not* just considering your own needs, but taking the other person into serious consideration. I used to play hours of Quake each day in college, but when we moved in together I realized I was ignoring her and I cut way the heck back. Now, I play where I have a chance; it's not a set schedule, just something we worked out (you can't live together without having time alone, IMO). I'll play some GTA while she reads or watches a chick flick on HBO. She understands it's something I enjoy, but I understand that I can't blow the unhealthy amount of time I used to on it. Welcome to adult life.
Anyhow, my girlfriend (er, fiance... gotta get used to that before the wedding) is more important to me than numbing my mind in front of the Xbox. If yours isn't, well, maybe it's time to cut her loose and pursue your real interests.
Weirdly, I actually found myself on the other side of this one back with Girlfriend 1.0; she started playing MUDs our freshman year of college and got absolutely addicted. Our three-year relationship went right into the crapper because she *obviously* preferred being in character in her little fantasy world to me (or reality in general for that matter -- she flunked out of school because she wasn't bothering with classes). I suppose that gave me a bit more empathy in terms of this situation...
Re:Time to grow up a little, IMO (Score:5, Funny)
Too late, just start using wife.
My wife gave me a quite an "interesting" look when I referred to her as my girl friend after the wedding day.
Tried to convince her that it meant that I would always consider her more then just my wife
Re:Time to grow up a little, IMO (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Time to grow up a little, IMO (Score:5, Funny)
Balancing Act (Score:5, Informative)
I was involved in a competitive gaming league which held matches once a week. Even though our team played in a fairly low bracket in the league, we still took the time to practice before we played our weekly match. It got to the point where I was investing a significant percentage of my free time gaming and it began to wear on my significant other.
Eventually I said to my team "hey guys, I can practice once or twice a week for X hours and play in our match." That worked out fine and I had a lot of fun playing. But more importantly, I kept my relationship and gaming time well-balanced.
If you feel like spending significantly MORE time gaming than being with your significant other, then take a step back and decide whether one or the other is really worth it. I'd choose the gal, myself.
I've been fortunate enough to have a girlfriend who will accompany me to LAN parties and put up some respectable numbers on the fragboard.
how about the third obvious solution? (Score:4, Insightful)
How about limiting your playing time each day to something you both agree on, and then spend your non-playing time together. You definitely need your free time away from your SI, everyone does, so just use it to play the game. It sounds like you may have a problem when you say "want to play all the time". Just do it in moderation.
Ruining my relationship? (Score:4, Funny)
The secret... (Score:5, Interesting)
My wife turned her nose up at the cute fluffy games that I thought she would like. At first blush I thought perhaps computer games were not going to be something she would like. Then she saw me playing Quake3 Arena one day and has become quite adept at it.
Most importantly is to talk about your game playing habits. Find out why it is a problem for them. This will prevent countless hours of arguing and pouting (on both parts!).
If the problem is "just" because your chores are suffering, then the solution may be as easy as finishing your chores quicker; not finding a game for her so you can say "You play too!".
Who cares? (Score:5, Funny)
I think I speak for a collective 47.6% of all slashdotters when I say... WHA-PSSSH!!!
Re:Who cares? (Score:5, Funny)
What Worked For Me (Score:5, Funny)
We did get in a fight one night, though, when I called her Aeris . . . .
Cue the jokes (Score:5, Funny)
</bitterness>
Seriously, you just need to budget your time. A few games, then some time together doing whatever, then another game.
Or you can always just wait until she goes to bed to start playing.
You asked for it... (Score:5, Funny)
Wait a sec... (Score:4, Funny)
Don't make her feel like she's 2nd place (Score:5, Insightful)
People ARE second place in my life. (Score:5, Insightful)
Oh yeah, and there's the day job. Combine that with the graphic novel and I have about six hours of free time a week. Broke up with the girl I was dating the week I started the project in earnest. I told her I had finally started work on the thing- which I have been planning since 1994- and her response wasn't "sweet!" or "nice!" or "it's good that you're starting to realize your dreams!", it was "I'M NOT TAKING A BACK SEAT TO SOME STUPID WEBCOMIC!"
And so, quite suddenly, she wasn't.
When I'm 40, my memories of my mid twenties will be a haze of production striving to pull together a story that has been taking shape in my head for ten years. I will have ACCOMPLISHED something, rather than suffering the tyranny of an ice queen who wanted my creative energies for herself.
Fortunately, the woman I'm half-dating now understands exactly where I'm coming from (she's a writer)- and has caught more than a few typos.
If you have to sacrifice something you love, then it's pretty obvious that there's a more compatible girl out there.
How I find time to play with my baby daughter (Score:5, Interesting)
Even with other things: I hate doing laundry, and she hates to cook. So I cook and she does the laundry (mostly because I'm a much better cook though).
It is all about compromise, but as long as you can both come to an agreement that works it would be an issue.
-i
Re:How I find time to play with my baby daughter (Score:5, Insightful)
Well, I am still addicted to FPS games, and I just stay up a few hours after everyone else goes to bed. That is my time, and I can do whatever the fuck I want to do with it. I have all of 2 pastimes, collecting and djing music and fragging tanks in bzflag. All of my remaining time goes to work and raising 2 kids.
If you are having a problem with your SO, maybe it is because you expect to be able to play whenever you feel like sitting down at your deck. You need to structure your time and make sure that you pay sufficient attention to you SO. Make sure you respect each other's free time, by speaking about it. Don't just disappear into the computer right after dinner. Communication will get to the bottom of your issue.
You may have been joking about zoo tycoon, but that game just sounds LAME. Do you even know what kind of games she likes? When my wife was pregnant I bought Hoyle Board Games 2003 so she could play mahjongg to her hearts content. Lots of women enjoy the Sims from what I know, and the above poster is lucky enough to have a wife that plays Quake 3. Now THATS hot! Anyway, either try to involve her in your hobby (who knows it may even be fun) or find her a game she can enjoy.
As soon as my kids are old enough you can bet that we'll be going head to head on our playstation 3. I've been waiting years to frag the little rugrats ! Also considering buying dance dance revolution since we all enjoy dancing, and it could be a real fun family activity.
Just Say No (Score:5, Insightful)
These games are specifically designed to maximise addiction and require as much of your time as is possible. They are designed to make it impossible to just sit down for 15 minutes and have a fun little game.
There is a whole world out there with actual real things that games only exist to simulate. Computer games are great while they are augmenting your real life. They are good for a little off time every now and then.
When you reach a point where your wife/girlfriend/whatever feels neglected because of a video game, you need to question your priorities. Perhaps the proper question isn't how to get her off your back, but rather, is this game worth the time I am spending?
Same prob (Score:4, Insightful)
Second, arrange times that you are going to play a couple days in advance so you can warn significant other. Set a time limit like 2 hours or so. You will always run over the time limit, so you should aim toward the lower end of the spectrum that you really want to play for.
Third, it is ok to play once significant other has fallen asleep, but never...I repeat...NEVER let her go to bed by herself. If you do you are just asking for it. Now if you can pull off the cuddle for awhile bit until she is asleep and then get up and play you may get away with it, but that laying down till fall asleep time seems to be very important to women.
This has worked for me. I must admit that I don't play as much as I used to, but that is probably for the best. Just remember to spend at least as much time as you plan on playing with your significant other. I don't mean sitting in front of the tube time, but realy quality time. Also let them know you are going to play, so it does not come as a suprise.
Just a thought... (Score:5, Insightful)
You don't have to level your character before leveling your clothes. You don't have to camp a spawn for seven hours. You don't have to do ML10.
The game is perfectly able to be played an hour or two at a time. In fact, it caters to casual gaming. If you're spending so much time playing City of Heroes that your girlfriend is getting pissed, there's probably a good reason.
There is a world out there (Score:5, Insightful)
We made $2.15 per hour. Operators would wait for someone to call to have a disk changed, and we would mechanically change the disk and run the predecessors of fsck (icheck, ncheck, dcheck, etc.). The systems ran Version 6 Unix, and there were two VAXes which ran 4BSD.
There were several ways to entertain yourself while waiting for a call to do something. You could do your homework. You could try to learn more about Unix and C, which they didn't teach in the college because they had little practical application at the time in the eyes of the CS department. Or you could play rogue, an interactive computer game that ran with really primitive graphics on the VT100 terminal.
Most of my colleauges chose to play rogue. I read the Unix and C documentation, which was only one book and about a foot of papers at the time. I had some computer programming experience, including assembler, but no formal classes in programming, as I was a communication arts student. But once I had read all of the available literature on Unix and C, I was able to get a job as an assistant systems programmer and start moving up in the lab. That eventually got me to Pixar.
The folks who played rogue? They did OK, I guess. But I think they would have done much better if they'd taken the opportunity as seriously as I did.
Look around. There is probably something to do that would be much more important, and eventually more fun, than the game-playing. You only get one life. Start living it.
Bruce
Re:There is a world out there (Score:5, Insightful)
Back in my younger days when I had a lot of downtime on my hands, the very last thing you'd find me doing would have been to have my nose buried in a book. Given that, these days, the choices would be more like studying or fragging my co-workers, I'd choose a gut shot to the Notes admin in a split second.
Granted, I'm a big-time geek, and I like learning new stuff at least as much as a good geek should. I'm a coder, network engineer, systems admin, and security guy rolled into one, and I like to think I'm pretty damned good at all of those. However, I wouldn't also be highly- (some might say over-) payed, and also working with people who I truly consider friends, if it wasn't for the relationships I formed at previous jobs. Based on my experience, it's hard to get people to really care about you five years after if they just remember you as the guy who was always reading the Unix manual in the corner.
Obviously, I'm replying to someone who did pretty well for himself using the other approach. I'd just like to submit the opposing view that time spent screwing off with friends and co-workers isn't necessarily time wasted.
go ahead, mod me troll (Score:4, Interesting)
Its no wonder geeks are lonely. They have no interpersonal skills. Not that I'm so much better, I really screwed up my last relationship via 'harmless' personal time to dawdle and hack together various computer bits, only realzing too late that I could have spent that time on picnics or walks through the park or taking in a good movie or discussing a book or learning something about my ex that I didn't know before.
I'll say it again: CHERISH AND APPRECIATE EVERY MOMENT with your significant other. They are choosing to be with you and if you continue to debase them by ignoring them for video games, you'll get what you deserve: a broken heart and a bunch of uncaring unfeeling pixels staring back at you in your emptiness.
Amen (Score:4, Insightful)
Really, this comes down to personal space. IMO a relationship isn't really all that healthy if you can't spend a certain amount of time alone without one or the other of you becoming unhappy. Women just need to realize that at certain times in a guy's life she is going to have to share top-priority, or even be runner-up for a short while. In other words:
Attention to all women: Guys fixate on stupid crap once in a while. Let us burn ourselves out on it and we will always come back to you happier and perhaps smarter.
just think of your woman as a game (Score:5, Insightful)
making your woman happy and the resultant behaviors she will perform for you are infinitely more rewarding than any intangible, fictional reward a game might offer
trust me, evolution has made women the most challenging and addictive game ever, there's just a steep learning curve.
RL is teh suck. (Score:5, Funny)
Huh? Has anyone actually tried this? I mean, unlike Leisure Suit Larry, the game you describe may have better graphics, but the gameplay itself is as boring as the Sims, and the speed-up key can only be used once a day, and in an astonishing display of programmer ignorance, the speed-up key only works at night when you're trying to game! At least the Sims design team got that part right -- you want to fast-forward during the day when you're at work and nobody's home!
> instead of exploring levels of some fake world, figure out what places you can take your woman to in the real world that get her in the mood. figure out how to get her to do x and y things that she would never think of doing.
And the list of defects goes on. Like, there's no fucking save/restore feature either! I mean, you spend six weeks of game time setting up a surprise menage-a-trois with you, your girlfriend and just *one* lousy goat, and if the persuade roll fails, all you can do is pull out the old .45 and restart.
No way, man, "RL" is teh suck. I wouldn't even warez it.
A view from the other side (Score:4, Funny)
So I have two suggestions: either cut back on the gaming a bit - for example, set aside certain nights to not play - or tell me your username and what server are you are on. I'll tell my wife, you guys can hang out together online, and I'll take your SO to a movie.
Instead of cute bears... (Score:4, Insightful)
Give up the games until (Score:5, Funny)
Stories from the Real World (Score:4, Informative)
Not so long ago, I went to a LAN Party and watched an acquaintance of mine sit through the entire thing playing "There" while the rest of enjoyed "real" games. Honestly, I couldn't believe he even bothered coming to the LAN in the first place.
After a while, he went on about how cool it was and showed us all his "flirting" with his "online wife". Knowing that he was married with a newborn child, I asked him, "What does your REAL wife think about all this?" He replied, "She does it TOO!".
I gulped and listened to him ramble on about the fact that his REAL wife was even planning to go meet her ONLINE HUSBAND. Obviously the guy had serious marital problems burgeoning, but he was alas unaware. I'm sure that by now he's either divorced or practicing online swinging (shudders)
Geeks all have this problem with balancing computer time vs. their relationships. It's hard, but that's why I end up staying awake into the wee hours of the night. Also, another rule: Play games you know you can put down. This is why LAN parties are good ... you go, play all night, and then it's out of your system (hopefully). Elsewise, join "Gamer's Anonymous" and realize that you're no different than a Crack Smoker.
I wrote an article in Issue 168 of ZZZ Online [zzz.com.ru] about some of this that may be of interest.
A female POV.. (Score:5, Insightful)
Wrong Forum, Indeed (Score:4, Insightful)
You admit you're addicted, that you want to play this game all the time, but the girlfriend is the problem?! Where's Dr. Phil?
Animal Crossing (Score:4, Interesting)
It's just a game! (Score:5, Insightful)
I find that in the long run, the SO is much more important to me than any game will ever be, no matter how powerful/how much money/how much time I spend playing it.
A game should be just that, a game.
I think when you find a game or virtual activity getting in the way of real life friendships (let alone relationships), you probably have an addiction problem.
Zoo Tycoon? (Score:4, Insightful)
Finding video games more amusing than your partner is indicative of a problem. This is true of anything though, not just video games. The solution is not to distract her with games (unless the problem is that she's just bored, and not specifically craving more of your time) but to find out what the root problem is, and solve it.
Get a better girlfriend (Score:4, Insightful)
Of course there needs to be a balance between time you spend with your friends doing fun stuff and time spent with your SO doing fun stuff, but it shouldn't take an enormous amount of effort to balance. It should come naturally, and when possible, the two worlds should overlap.
If gaming is important to you, than you need to find a girlfriend who enjoys gaming, too, and will join you. This is important, because later on, when you're married, this will cause problems. She could expect you to "grow up" and stop doing "childish" things.
An IT manager showed some obvious interest in me. I decided to pursue this for at least a friendship, because I can always use another gaming friend and movie buff to hang with. I later find out he thinks I'm perfect and never imagined a girl like me could exist. I'm a geeky hot chick who shares all his interests. He makes it obvious he wants more from me.
I THEN find out the guy is married! Turns out he's so smitten he was actually considering having an affair. Of course I put a stop to that dream.
My whole point is, the guy had no concept that a woman like me existed, so instead he settled for a nice woman who put up with him and lets him get laid every once and awhile. Obviously, he isn't happy with this, and his mind is wondering to other, seemingly better prospects.
If the girl you are with cannot handle your hobbies, and refuses to join you with your hobbies, than you are with the wrong woman for you. There is someone better out there.
(You may need to wait 10+ years before you can find her, but she's out there)
Re:long-distance (Score:5, Funny)
*bedeebedeebedeebedeebeep*
He: (boom, zzzot, blam) HELLO?
She: Hi, hon-hey, what's that in the background?
He: (boom, *boooOoom*) (whispering) dudes, turn it down or put on some pr0n or something, quick! -- NOTHING, HOney!
She: Don't you lie to me...
He: (ooooh, baby, come back to bed nooowww...) Look, I know I'm on a business trip, this sorta thing happens.
She: Don't you LIE to me, you worthless bastard!
He: (slurp, groan) Sometimes these things happen, I'll make it up to you, honest!
She: BULLSHIT! You're not ON a business trip! You're not even in a HOTEL ROOM with some CHEAP FLOOZIE!
He: Bu-but, I can exp-
She: You're at one of those FUCKING LAN PARTIES AGAIN, AREN'T YOU?*click*