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Games Entertainment

Games Should Be Like Female Orgasms 201

Posted by Zonk
from the y-chromosome-is-a-joke dept.
Gamers with Jobs has an excellent look at the pacing of games, and their resemblance to sexual response cycles. From the article: "The female sexual response cycle appears as a gradual (sometimes maddeningly so) upward slope from excitement to orgasm, with several 'false peaks' in the plateau region. Anyone who's ever performed cunnilingus while kneeling on a hardwood floor can attest to the validity of this representation. The male cycle differs radically. The transition from excitement to plateau in men is rather rapid, represented by a near-vertical line. The plateau stage is then almost horizontal for varying amounts of time (see: premature ejaculation) followed by another extremely rapid ascent into orgasm. Playing video games often reminds me of the above."
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Games Should Be Like Female Orgasms

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  • by the way (Score:5, Funny)

    by zr-rifle (677585) <zedr AT zedr DOT com> on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @01:26PM (#13287370) Homepage
    DO NOT LET Dr. Mario touch your genitals! He is NOT a real doctor!!!
  • awesome. (Score:2, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward
    Best. Worded. Post. Evar.
  • You idiots! (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Henry V .009 (518000) on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @01:26PM (#13287378) Journal
    For months, Slashdot has been posting story after story trying to make itself more female friendly and to lure women into gaming.

    Now, you've undone it all with this one crass story. Good job!
    • Re:You idiots! (Score:5, Insightful)

      by eddy the lip (20794) on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @02:08PM (#13287734)

      That sums it up pretty well. I could care less about not-safe-for-work stories, and my crass-o-meter goes to eleven most days, but this is juvenile.

      Given the stories that have been getting posted lately, I'm wondering if Zonk isn't someone's 14 year old kid brother, or maybe some /. editor meta-troll joke being played on us.

      I've never complained about stories or editors here before. There are all those handy checkboxes that mean I don't need to see what I don't want to be bothered with. But I think the senior editors need to figure out if they want Slashdot to be an interesting source of news and ephemera, or if they'd rather just watch it degrade to another fanboy site. With stories like this, that's where it's going.

      • Re:You idiots! (Score:2, Interesting)

        by haystor (102186)
        I'm done with Zonk.
      • Oh, get over yourself. The problem with this article isn't that it's crass, it's that it's really, really nerdy. But far be it for I, a /. user, to complain overly much about that.

        Rob
        • Re:You idiots! (Score:3, Interesting)

          by eddy the lip (20794)

          If you mean nerdy in the sense of "no social skills", then, yes, I'd have to agree. If you mean nerdy as in "soldering 1MB of RAM into your TRS-80", then, no, it's not. This is just fratboy humour with a thin gaming-geek patina.

          • by dave-tx (684169) *
            If you mean nerdy as in "soldering 1MB of RAM into your TRS-80", then, no, it's not.

            The TRS-80 would not support 1MB of RAM. Even with the Expansion Interface.

            I got your nerdy right here, baby!

            • (sorry, been away from slashdot for a few days, or I would have replied sooner).

              You got me on that one - I never did this myself. A friend way back in the day claimed to have jacked his TRS-80 up to 1MB. Now, this was many years ago, when people actually used the TRS-80 for other than geek nostalgia value, so I may be misremembering (or have been outright duped. I was young. It could happen....) He bragged to me about it 'cause I was stuck with the standard 32KB.

              A bit of googling didn't turn up anything t

        • Uh.. going nuts over an article that merely goes straight to the point isn't nerdy? Finally we have an article that provokes some discussion, while at the same time weeding out the puritanist high-nosers. Good shot, Zonk!

          Unnecessarily explicit though, even if it was only a quote from TFA.

          • Re:You idiots! (Score:2, Offtopic)

            by Golias (176380)
            The only "discussion" it really seems to have provoked is whether Zonk should be fired or not.

            I think he should be. This "article" he linked and quoted says absolutely nothing interesting or new about gaming, while selecting the most vulgar and juvenile metaphor available to make a rather stale point.

            games.slashdot.org should be doing stories about games. If I wanted to read about women getting vaginal juices all over hardwood floors, I would be browsing porn sites. There's bound to be enough perverts ou
          • Uh.. going nuts over an article that merely goes straight to the point isn't nerdy?

            Yes, that was part of my point.

            Rob
  • by kwoff (516741) on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @01:27PM (#13287382)
    As if anybody here knows what a female orgasm is like. :)
  • Wow... (Score:5, Funny)

    by GypC (7592) on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @01:28PM (#13287390) Homepage Journal
    Dictionary.com just went down under a massive number of requests for this url
    http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=cunniling us
  • Oh great... (Score:3, Funny)

    by Incongruity (70416) on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @01:28PM (#13287396)
    Now /. isn't even work safe for me! D'Oh!
  • Anyone who's ever performed cunnilingus while kneeling on a hardwood floor can attest to the validity of this representation.

    Weeeell that pretty much excludes everyone who would actually be reading this article. ^_^

    On a side note...what...the...fuck? Just....what the fuck....yeah I got nothin else.
  • by syrinx (106469)
    Anyone who's ever performed cunnilingus while kneeling on a hardwood floor can attest to the validity of this representation.

    Cue the 'but this is slashdot' jokes.
  • This is, by far, (Score:3, Insightful)

    by BlackCobra43 (596714) on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @01:30PM (#13287411)
    The lewdest and most disgusting submission I've ever read.

    Do go on
  • Dude ... you really need to get out more, if you're connecting video games to orgasms.
  • by Rahga (13479) on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @01:34PM (#13287439) Homepage Journal
    There's a Nolan Bushnell interview linked to slashdot somewhere in the last two years where he talks about Atari's past and part of Breakout's design. He mentioned that one of the intentional goals, though the player didn't realize it, was to encourage the player to get the ball "stuck" so that the game would play by itself for a short while. The player gets a break from the paddle while watching the fireworks, feels a sense of accomplishment by getting the game to do that, and can get back into the game after that brief interlude.
    • Mod parent up.

      Only interesting comment possible given this BS story.

    • Interesting. I know in Alleyway (Nintendo's breakout clone in the first year of the Game Boy) you could easily pull that off in the first level without a whole lot of effort.
    • How did anyone not realize it? The first thing I did was to try to dig a tunnel straight to the top so I could take out the blocks.
      • Some of the cheaper clones have bad level design. A good level design should have some path, easy or hard, where the ball can readily bounce around for a while, generating an orgasm of raining bonuses and taking out enemies like flies as soon as they appear. Many things can be compared to sex and sexuality, why not games?

        And the music in Arkanoid is the best, btw.

    • So I should blame any future sexual dysfunction caused by gender confusion on the Atari 5200 and Super Breakout?
      Did Grand Theft Auto undue the damage or was that just crass overcompensation?

      The way I see it, Bushnell just made himself liable for an entire generation's sexual frustrations. Breakout will now replace Asbestos in high-paying AdSense keywords. If nothing else, I could turn it into a Law & Order script to pay for the enormous lawye^H^H^H^H^Htherapist bill. Hopefully any symptoms will occur be
  • by ZiZ (564727) * on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @01:34PM (#13287440) Homepage
    So...

    They're saying that games should be impossible for most men to understand, considered "dirty" and "taboo" by a surprisingly large number of women, portrayed horribly incorrectly by popular and underground media, ranked as FAR WORSE THAN BRUTAL MURDERS by the 'conservative' factions (and heaven forbid six-year-old Billy should know about a game, when he could be watching healthy shows about cops brutalizing criminals brutalizing passerby brutalizing cops)...

    ...Well, I guess the comparison is pretty valid.

  • Would the premature ejaculation of video games be when a game is so fun that you finish it within a week of purchase? (As I did with GTA:VC and GTA:SA) It was a lot of fun, but I felt cheated since I was just getting warmed up and BAM... it's over.

    The thing I actually hate most is impotence. When you play a game that is loads of fun, but just as your getting into it you reach a spot that is impossibly difficult and frustrates the hell out of you because you just can't FINISH.

    - "I swear, this has never happe
    • See Ninja Gaiden for XBOX.
      Currently stuck on the Tank-Tank-Helicopter fight, where it won't let you backtrack to buy potions.
    • An important lesson to learn is that it's ok not to achieve orgasm. Having fun is more important. Thus, to continue the analogy: If a game's dificulty curve explodes upward too fast, and you can't progress, just leave it. It was fun while it lasted, but you don't have to torture yourself to it right now. Leave while you have your sanity and play something else instead. Sometimes that works in sex too, incidentally.
  • Drew: "I'm thinking about playing that new game from Blizzard. If things go right I might be showing off my O-face. You know: WHOSYOURDADDY or better yet LEAFITTOME. Oh! Oh!"
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @01:43PM (#13287520)
    Can we please get rid of Zonk, already?

    Seriously, please?

    I know he can be filtered, but since he's come on board the other editors seem to have stopped posting. Probably because he posts approximately 5000 pointless and often duplicate articles EVERY SINGLE DAY and there's no longer room for anyone else. I've noticed lately he seems to be spreading his blob-like appendages into the other sections, a growing blight on an already blight-filled website.

    Zonk: just because you read something online doesn't mean you have to post it.

    I know I can't be the only one who feels this way. Feel free to chime in and we'll all ride the mod-o-vator to the basement together. Maybe we can give each other orgasms on the way down while we search for the elusive female gamer.

    Ugh.
    • I get the feeling that a lot of slashdot readers are insecure about sex. Just note the amount of "This is juvenile, we all know he just wants to increase ad impressions by posting about sex which is guaranteed to appeal to shashdot readers! Zonk go away! I will n3v4h read slashdot again, I don't want to read about females and their orgasms, I want to read about breasts!" you'll find on this page.

      Ok, it's not high class writing, but take a look at yourself and what you're writing.

  • SEX! (Score:2, Insightful)

    by Anonymous Coward
    Now that we've got your attention, please read this story and post your comments so that we can increase ad impressions!
  • Looks like I'm gonna have to get myself a hardwood floor in the bedroom! ...For whenever I get someone in there that I could perform that specific act on...
  • Now all the whiny politicians will latch onto this article and talk about how video games are sexual training exercises. Won't somebody think of the children?!?!
  • by FidelCatsro (861135) <fidelcatsro@gmai ... minus physicist> on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @01:49PM (#13287579) Journal
    So if games should be like those female orgasms they should
    1:) Take ages and be boring for male players
    2:) be often faked
    3:) Hard for us men to find the controls
    4:) have many sequels
    5:) be more approachable for solo players
    6:) be featured in cosmopolitan constantly

    Now are half those things , not things we would want to avoid in games
    • One of my favorite jokes, with 3 different punch lines, depending how woman-friendly I'm feeling:

      Man 1: Do you know how to tell if a woman is having an orgasm?
      Man 2: No.
      Man 1: Who cares?

      Man 1: Do you know how to tell if a woman is having an orgasm?
      Man 2: No.
      Man 1: Yeah, I figured as much.

      Man 1: Do you know how to tell if a woman is having an orgasm?
      Man 2: No.
      Man 1: Ask her.
    • Guess that explains why we don't like bots then....
  • I can't believe how many slashdot readers are offensed easily!! random quote : WTF is this? Random crap!! I hate slashdot! You've gone so low! You've lost a reader!! The guy is using a metaphor! He uses a quite common situation, the human pleasure cycle, which is the same (so they say) for every ppl of the same sex, to explain the problem there is with game that gets to difficult after some time, or that finish too rapidly!
    • it's an example of what normal people usually call: "american puritanism"... Americans can go on for hours on guns, pistols, semiautomatic guns, fighter jets, military strategy, cynical geopolitical diatribes, corporate warfare, cutthroat competition and various dog eat dog arguments like "you suck, bum! get a job!" Then all of a sudden sex is mentioned and everyone starts crapping in his pants crying murder and all that... I say, "get a life, I mean, sexual..."
  • The buildup to flow (Score:4, Interesting)

    by doc modulo (568776) on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @01:59PM (#13287654)
    I personally play Counter-Strike Source online mostly to reach a state of flow [wikipedia.org].
    The article talks about the buildup within the game from start to finish.

    His ideal buildup is also the best way to gain the altered state of conciousness of flow, although I'm not sure his goal was the same as mine. He was probably just talking about having a smooth experience without unwelcome distractions.

    In his view, so as a man, playing video games should be like "playing with a women to reach her orgasm". He literally said he'd like to do the same thing over and over again. In other words, a very long plateau.

    I suspect that women, on the other hand, want to play games more like Wario Ware. They get bored more quickly with doing one and the same thing over and over. They'd rather play with one concept, go: "ok I get it, what's next" and then move on to the nose-picking mini-game.

    So maybe men would like games to be like female sexual arousal graphs, meaning repetition of comparable experiences to get closer to flow.
    And women would like games to be more like male sexual arousal graphs, meaning quick intense fixes of one concept and then moving on the the next.

    This is just my personal theory though.

    Any women in the audience who can comment on flow and excitement graphs?

    P.S. As a man, I figured out how to stay at the plateau level for as long as I want :D
  • by Khyron (8855) on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @01:59PM (#13287658)
    I seriously have to wonder if the elegance of this metaphor is lost on an audience most of whose romantic experience has thus far been measured by progress bars with such captions as...

    PROGRESS WITH DENISE

  • by chris_mahan (256577) <chris.mahan@gmail.com> on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @02:04PM (#13287705) Homepage
    No wait, I'm serious!!!

    The flirting with the girl before, hum, getting wit'it, is like that of the game company saying: Woah, this game is gonna be the greatest! It's got a billion triangles all at once and with great gameplay... You do love great gameplay boy... Mmmm, ah, hehe, but not yet, noooo, not yet, gotta wait a little bit longer... How long? Until the game hits the shelves... When is that you ask? Ooooh naughty gamer, you can't wait can you... Maybe next month!!! Aha! But, hey, when you finally get your sweaty palms on it, you'll love it, yes, you'll love it, so save your money now, 'cuz, this biatching game won't be free, oooooh no suh-ree, this game is gonna cost ya! But hey, you'll love it! You'll see, it will definitely be worth the wait!!! Hey, come on boy, save your money for the game... Until then, you can fantasize about it, fanboi, and we'll keep you interested with sneak-peeks screenshots from GameSpy... Oh you naughty gamer, you can't wait to get your fingers on my awd keys...

    Then, when the game is released, it's sort of like getting the girl, who's been all hot-to-trot up to that point into your seedy apartment and then suddenly it's all hard work: Come on, install, come on, I got to upgrade my DirectX before you'll play? Oh, come on, just a quickie game right now... What, my videocard isn't good enough for you? ow ow ow! Dont' say that! Oh, and my memory isn't fast enough? Oh please wait here while I go get it...

    (on the way to local geek computer store) Dang, I was so looking forward to this...

    (back at the crib, after $300 in expenses all installed in the machine) Oh, finally I get to play!!! Whoo Hooo baby come on!!!

    (waching boring video intro) Dang, hey, I know, take your time, take your time, I'm waiting right here!!!

    (Starting to play) Oh fuck this game sucks. I can't get any of the fancy moves I was hoping for, instead, I can barely move around and then I get knocked back down and gotta start over...

    (trying to return game to store) I'm sorry Sir but there's no refund on opened games...
    But, but, it didn't perform! I got cheated! It's a ripoff! I, I...

    Store manager: Now son, you go and let these kind of games for the big boys.. Here, let me show you Playstation games...

    Ohhh! Shiny packaging...

    ----
    Note: don't get all excited. It's only a game.
    On an aside, this is probably why there aren't too many girl gamers. Different dynamics.

  • Lame. (Score:2, Insightful)

    by manno (848709)
    So lame.
  • But I don't expect Slashdot to have the flavour of overhearing a bunch of drunken fratboys bragging about their latest conquests. I'm glad that Slashdot has the ability to filter out articles posted by particular editors. Zonk? *plonk*
    • I haven't seen anyone bragging here. You're complaining about nothing, so be quiet.

      Back on topic: The article mentions the sudden show-stopper that some games have, and I have to agree. It's probably the most frustrating thing that can happen in a game when nothing new happens, and progress is only past a string of delicate button-twitching. Now, some games are based on that, but that's ok. What's bad is when the difficulty curve goes up like a rocket without warning, or reason for that matter.

      Actually, I

  • by cicatrix1 (123440) <cicatrix1@gm a i l . com> on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @02:17PM (#13287824) Homepage
    ... and not discussed on slashdot?
  • Fictional, I mean.
  • Wow dirty (Score:2, Funny)

    by Devir (671031)
    I'll say this was a real shock when i opened up the browesr to a normally clean site.
    But I can see what the submitter was getting at. Most games start out slow, then bam you're tossed into this massive extended climax with no pause to rest.
    A good game and story would start slow, hit some exciting points, relax abit, then burst with a full and exciting climax then calm again and cuddle you after complete the game.
  • "I couldn't say where its comin' from, but I just played a game called Dinah-Moe Humm..."
  • by fmaxwell (249001) on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @04:32PM (#13288870) Homepage Journal
    If "Games Should Be Like Female Orgasms," why are the most popular games first person shooters?

  • "Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle..."
  • Honestly, people (Score:3, Interesting)

    by vga_init (589198) on Wednesday August 10, 2005 @06:30PM (#13289974) Journal
    I, for one, am not offended.

    Are pleasure cycles and the human orgasm not the subject of serious scientific study? Is it offensive to you that we have collected good, solid data on the subject and discovered that it might be applied to another field?

  • It should be:

    "Female Orgasms Should Be Like Games."

  • 1. Anyone who thinks it's immature or offensive or juvenile to talk about the female (or male) orgasm is immature and downright offensive to the rest of the (sane, non-puritanical) world's sensabilities. The article makes a valid point and the submission is very frank and mature. If you hear schoolchildren laughing when you read this submission, it's only because YOU need to grow the fuck up. Pleasure is pleasure, and this is an interesting (and IMO at least half-right) comparison.

    2. I cannot believe n

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