The 10 Most Dangerous Toys of All Time 404
Ant writes "An article at the Radar lists the ten most dangerous toys of all time, those treasured playthings that drew blood, chewed digits, took out eyes, and, in one case, actually irradiated. To keep things interesting, the editors excluded BB guns, slingshots, throwing stars, and anything else actually intended to inflict harm." My favorite: 'Feed Me!' begged the packaging for 1996's Cabbage Patch Snacktime Kid. And much like the carnivorous Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors, the adorable lineup of Cabbage Patch snack-dolls appeared at first to be harmless. They merely wanted a nibble--a carrot perhaps, or maybe some yummy pudding. They would stop chewing when snack time was done -- they promised. Then they chomped your child's finger off."
Warning (Score:5, Funny)
Stupidity In America (and I'm sure everywhere) (Score:5, Funny)
The problem with (America) is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be capital punishment for stupidity, let's just remove the warning labels from products and let the problem solve itself.
And yea, after reading the article, hehe. Wow. I wish I'd had the Atomic lab. Oh the fun I'd have had with that! Those bastards that snapped my bra in high school would have MAJOR issues now...
*Maniacle laughter followed immediately by a chase scene involving a bunch of men in white coats*
I can't believe they forgot... (Score:5, Funny)
-only $14.95-
* Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.
* Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
* Happy Fun Ball Contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
* Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.
Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:
* Itching
* Vertigo
* Dizziness
* Tingling in extremities
* Loss of balance or coordination
* Slurred speech
* Temporary blindness
* Profuse sweating
* Heart palpitations
If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.
When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration...
Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.
Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.
Happy Fun Ball
ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!
Re:ohhhhhhh myyyyy Goddddd! (Score:5, Funny)
Have you looked in a chemistry set lately? They've taken all the fun stuff out. What fun is a chemistry set supposed to be when you don't even have any potassium nitrate? Lame.
Now, you can't even get an alarm clock with radium dials on it anymore, because "oh noes, the terrorists will get it!" Well, let me tell you: if a kid can't play with radioactive materials in the privacy of his parents home anymore, the terrorists have already won.
Re:Stupidity In America (and I'm sure everywhere) (Score:2, Funny)
It's called Darwinism [darwinawards.com].
Pratchett's Hogfather (Score:5, Funny)
The mother took a deep breath.
"You can't give her that!" she screamed. "It's not safe!"
IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather, IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.
"She's a child!" shouted Crumley.
IT'S EDUCATIONAL.
"What if she cuts herself?"
THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.
Re:Stupidity In America (and I'm sure everywhere) (Score:4, Funny)
Re:ohhhhhhh myyyyy Goddddd! (Score:5, Funny)
As far ast the U238 set, I would say that it was a safe toy compared to my "Junior Chemist" chemistry set which I got when I was 8. The thing had the lot - KMnO4, NaOH, NH3 solution, S, HCl and many other wonderfull things. In reasonable quantities and concentrations (where in solution). The floor of my room kept the scars from some successfull experiments for years to come.
Same for the cannon - it is a joke compared to my neighbout T34 remote controlled battle tank (my parents bluntly refused to buy me one). That thing could shoot plastic rounds circa 5 mm in diameter and move. Both on remote control. Ideal toy for an eight year old and a six year old to chase the family cat. The only advantage the cat had was that the tank while remotely controlled had a manual reload so we had to fetch it after every shell to pull the reload lever. The fun continued until the cat found out that he should attack the person with the remote, not the tank. After that we called a truce.
Re:ohhhhhhh myyyyy Goddddd! (Score:3, Funny)
Pussy.
KFG
Re:Stupidity In America (and I'm sure everywhere) (Score:5, Funny)
MIRV's for kids: the Stewie Griffin story (Score:5, Funny)
The motorcycle.... (Score:2, Funny)
Much like Seinfeld and people who owned a pony as a child, so am I and people who owned these things. My cousins had not one, but two of them. A fact that they never seemed to realize meant that they should give me one. Despite the fact that I told that to them constantly.
I loved the hammock (Score:5, Funny)
Re:I can't believe they forgot... (Score:3, Funny)
Wham-o (Score:5, Funny)
First (and more obvious), the Slip N Slide, and all of its various incarnations and copycats.
Second, was a sort of tetherball variant they sold in ~1985 called "Zing Zang". It featured an adjustable steel pole with a spike on one end (designed to be inserted into the ground), and a wire coil on the other end, onto which a cord with a captive tennis ball was attached. The tennis ball cord would theoretically start in the middle, with each player (holding a hard plastic "raquet") assigned a different direction (clockwise or counterclockwise). The goal was to get to the top or bottom of the coil to win. But most kids I knew would just swing the pole around like a giant two-handed flail, bringing down tennis ball torture on opponents... while trailing a steel spike behind them that would often go forgotten until it lodged in someone else's knees or groin or chest.
Sure but... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Great List (Score:5, Funny)
Exactly.
When your mother laid your egg, did she leave you to fend for yourself completely?
Leaving my egg on a mountaintop taught me to fight off the wolf cubs for best tit and made me the man I am today. A flea bitten cur.
KFG
Re:Needs chemistry lesson (Score:5, Funny)
Sick of being bullied.
Too many enemies saying nasty stuff about you.
Then you need the Russian Mafia Chemistry kit. Now with Polonium 210!!
Re:ohhhhhhh myyyyy Goddddd! (Score:4, Funny)
Another "toy" that was a fad: burning plastic. Yes, just the simple fun of watching pieces of plastic combust and form sizzling, bubbling, congealed masses dangling from the end of a stick. I remember my friend moronically started whizzing the stick around with the sizzling plastic dangling and some flew on his hand causing a blister.
Buy maybe our ultimate crazy passtime required no toy whatsoever: one summer it was all the craze with the kids on our block to hyperventilate. All it took was one kid knowing how to do it and very quickly the "technique" was transmitted among all us kids as though it were some kind of esoteric rite, and we were all doing it. How fun to breathe heavily and then hold your breath and then suddenly wake up moments later after having lost consciousness.
Oh yeah, I also remember the time in gradeschool when I "discovered" this really cool powder in a cabinet - if you left it on your skin it would cause it to become dark for a really long time (like a few days). It was silver nitrate.
Re:Stupidity In America (and I'm sure everywhere) (Score:3, Funny)
Re:ohhhhhhh myyyyy Goddddd! (Score:5, Funny)
Natural selection through Christmas presents. Got a kid that was dumb enough to stick his hand in an EZ Bake oven? That one's a moron. Better try again! What about another boy who ducks when someone aims a BB gun in his direction? That's a keeper!
The real terrorists aren't the ones with bombs strapped to their chests. They're in our law firms, preventing our children from blowing themselves to tiny bits with their "Actual Working Holy Hand Grenade" when they don't listen and count to 4. This is not what God intended. God gave us Jesus and Christmas and all that so we could kill off our dumbest kids and raise only the smartest.
Let me tell you, the terrorists have already won, my friends. They won long ago...
Re:Cabbage Patch Finger Food (Score:5, Funny)
Yup. 35 fingers and one penis. Uhh, don't ask...
Re:ohhhhhhh myyyyy Goddddd! (Score:5, Funny)
After begging and pleading with their parents for years, my friend Pete and his older brother finally got BB guns one Xmas.
Of course, the first thing they did was go into their room and had a shootout. Pete's brother nailed him direct in the eyebrow over the left eye. Pete scraped the BB our of his eyebrow, at which point a little fountain of blood began flowing. Pete's first words were "I'm going tell!"
Since they both knew that they would lose their precious armaments, negotiations ensued about how things could be amicably worked out. In the end, Pete settled out of court for the opportunity to shoot his brother in the ass three times.
It's missing a few (Score:5, Funny)
Where is the Bag O' Glass [jt.org]? Pretty Peggy Ear-Piercing Set? Mr. Skin-Grafter? General Tron's Secret Police Confession Kit? Doggie Dentist? How about Johnny Switchblade, Adventure Punk or the Teddy Chainsaw Bear?
What kind of kist is this?
Re:ohhhhhhh myyyyy Goddddd! (Score:5, Funny)
And just so you can spot them, they wear three piece suits and like to use code words in Latin for critical parts of their communication.
Re:ohhhhhhh myyyyy Goddddd! (Score:5, Funny)
Oh, that's a college level course these days. 500 or 600 level in most places. 8th graders have to pass tests these days. No time for learning.
Re:ohhhhhhh myyyyy Goddddd! (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Stupidity In America (and I'm sure everywhere) (Score:3, Funny)
"Hey cut it out guys! I'm just *different*, okay?" *snap*
Memories of high school are traumatic enough without imagining these horrors, okay?
Re:ohhhhhhh myyyyy Goddddd! (Score:4, Funny)