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Celebrity AD&D Character Sheets 194

Posted by CmdrTaco
from the kinda-funny dept.
GnomeIllusionist writes "In their continuing tribute to Gary Gygax, Wired has created character sheets for nine celebrities. Apparently, Stephen Hawking can do 10D6 radiation damage to his enemies and Rick Astley is a 20th-Level bard. Steve Jobs' black turtleneck is actually magical armor with +6 against edged attacks." Most of them are kinda cheesy and obvious- I wonder if you can do better.
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Celebrity AD&D Character Sheets

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  • by UrinalPooper (1240522) on Saturday April 05, 2008 @12:37PM (#22973514)
    Bush would be lawful evil, not chaotic neutral... So few people seem to grasp precisely how that alignment works. The best description I one saw was in an old Dragon magazine: think Daffy Duck.
  • by Sapphon (214287) on Saturday April 05, 2008 @12:41PM (#22973538) Journal
    Paris Hilton
    Chaotic Neutral Human
    Strength: 9 Intelligence: 9 Wisdom: 8 Constitution: 10 Dexterity: 14 Charisma: 18
    Special Abilities: Wiggling out of jail time for DUI charges, washing cars in an entertaining manner.

    George W. Bush
    17th -level politician
    Chaotic Neutral Human
    Strength: 11 Intelligence: 10 Wisdom: 6 Constitution: 12 Dexterity: 10 Charisma: 16
    Special Abilities: Always wins eligible elections, takes no damage for corporate connections, has the ability to prevaricate perfectly, and always goes first in initiative in attacks via other countries.

    Ron Paul
    23rd-Level Lawful Good Wizard
    Strength: 10 Intelligence: 17 Wisdom:17 Dexterity: 10 Charisma: 13
    Special Abilities: Can see into the future, but must roll Charisma or less on d100 to convince anyone he's right. Can summon 1,000 devoted followers on command, and can pull 10,000 GP out of his hat as needed -- but no one knows how. His presence at delivery adds +1 to all child's attributes.

    Steve Jobs
    21st Level Paladin
    Strength: 12 Intelligence: 15 Wisdom: 17 Dexterity: 10 Charisma: 20
    Special Abilities: Reality Distortion field allows him to temporarily influence any character, if he rolls less than his Charisma, minus the target's Intelligence.
    Special Equipment: +6 Magical Armor appears as a black turtleneck and blue jeans, but protects him from edged attacks.

    Dean Kamen
    43rd-Level Human*
    Strength: 10 Intelligence: 22 Wisdom: 23 Dexterity: 13 Charisma: 16
    Special Abilities: Can instantaneously invent anything to solve any problem.
    Special Equipment: 6-wheeled, gyroscope-balanced battle chair. Dean's Dexterity is reduced by one and STR increased by two when riding the battle chair.
    Magical "water box." Powered by fire. Makes clean water and provides a bright light that can be used to reduce an opponent's dexterity by two points.
    *His exact origin/species is in dispute.

    Stephen Hawking
    25th-Level Cosmologist
    Neutral Good Human
    Strength: 3 Dexterity: 2 Constitution: 10 Intelligence: 28 Wisdom: 20 Charisma: 12
    Special Abilities: Time dilation at will, and Hawking Radiation. Any nongenius within a 60-foot radius take 10d6 radiation damage. Base movement: 6 ft/round
    Special Equipment: Wheelchair of translation.

    Richard Dawkins
    22th-Level Evolutionary Biologist
    Lawful Neutral Human
    Strength: 12 Dexterity: 13 Constitution: 10 Intelligence: 18 Wisdom: 22 Charisma: 25
    Special Abilities: Spell Resistance Infinite (because magic is not real).
    All Cleric-Priest within 60 feet gain 2 negate levels due to logical paradox.
    Special Equipment: Spectacles of Trueseeing (always sees things as they really are).

    Rick Astley
    20th-Level Bard
    Strength: 8 Intelligence: 9 Wisdom: 10 Constitution: 10 Dexterity: 18 Charisma: 18
    Special Abilities: Uses Dex. bonus for all Dance-related checks due to years of training in the art of '80s pop dancing. Can rickroll targets for 5d6 of humiliation damage.

    Mr. T
    lvl9 Fighter / lvl7 Barbarian
    Strength: 18 Intelligence: 8 Wisdom: 12 Constitution:16 Dexterity: 12 Charisma: 12
    Special Abilities: At will: Pity (the fool). There is no save, and it is not subject to spell resistance. The effect is 4d6 subdual damage and permanent Pity.
    Languages Known: English, Jibba Jabba.

    No, I haven't forgotten any stats: some people just didn't seem to deserve all 6, as far as Wired was concerned!
  • Re:22th? (Score:3, Informative)

    by ultranova (717540) on Sunday April 06, 2008 @05:39AM (#22978530)

    What makes you think he isn't sincere in his beliefs?

    He propably is. The time and effort he has put into his anti-religious efforts suggests he's quite obsessed about them, too.

    However, this doesn't change the fact that Dawkins is known for attacks on religion far more than his work in science. This, I believe, justifies calling him a troll, whether these attacks are a weird practical joke or a genuine obsession.

    I'm just curious. I personally don't have much interest in the field of "pop-evolutionary biology" but I think it has its place, and serves a useful purpose.

    Certainly. A pity that Dawkins's is wasting his time on an ultimately doomed crusade, rather than advancing said field :(.

  • Re:Could do better (Score:2, Informative)

    by grahamd0 (1129971) on Sunday April 06, 2008 @11:15AM (#22979952)

    I thought Wired was supposed to be about the cutting edge!

    Clearly, you're unfamiliar with Wired.

When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas