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Microsoft Reputation Manager's Guide To Xbox One 611

Posted by timothy
from the good-question-glad-you-asked-that dept.
symbolset writes "In the wake of a disastrous E3 product reveal Microsoft has purportedly distributed a confidential internal 100-point 'FAQ' for the Xbox One that reads like it's from the Ministry of Truth. It was of course immediately leaked on pastebin. Kotaku has the story and an amusing online poll. In the discussion below make sure to line up the FAQ entries with the AC comments for extra 'Informative' moderation."
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Microsoft Reputation Manager's Guide To Xbox One

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  • Damage control (Score:5, Insightful)

    by girlintraining (1395911) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @09:21PM (#44025183)

    This just in: The XBone One has managed to achieve what the Dreamcast couldn't... blowing up prior to launch. The Dreamcast at least fired the engines before exploding in a firey storm of shit. Which, given that their customers seem to be EA games and other publishers, and not, you know, people who are going to buy the console... seems about right.

    There are Kickstarter consoles still on the drawing board, I mean, not even prototypes available yet, that have more pre-orders than the XBone. I don't think they could fail harder. Unless (dramatic pause) ... they bring Square Enix to headline this collossal cluster f*ck.

    • Re:Damage control (Score:5, Insightful)

      by recoiledsnake (879048) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @09:42PM (#44025275)

      There are Kickstarter consoles still on the drawing board, I mean, not even prototypes available yet, that have more pre-orders than the XBone. I don't think they could fail harder. Unless (dramatic pause) ... they bring Square Enix to headline this collossal cluster f*ck.

      \

      Citation badly needed.

      • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

        Citation badly needed.

        Well, since you were a bit non-specific on what you're feeling butthurt about, I'll have to guess...Holy shit, a console made out of spare parts still has a better rep than the Xbone [kickstarter.com]. Allows you to run your own software. Costs $99. 63,000 pre-orders. Meanwhile, at Microsoft HQ... "There aren't any official numbers..." (troll face)

        • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

          by recoiledsnake (879048)

          Citation badly needed.

          Well, since you were a bit non-specific on what you're feeling butthurt about, I'll have to guess...Holy shit, a console made out of spare parts still has a better rep than the Xbone [kickstarter.com]. Allows you to run your own software. Costs $99. 63,000 pre-orders. Meanwhile, at Microsoft HQ... "There aren't any official numbers..." (troll face)

          Where are the hard numbers from Sony on PS4 sales? According to your logic, that must mean the Ouya has a "better rep" and more orders than the PS4, right?

    • by erroneus (253617) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @11:31PM (#44025817) Homepage

      I don't know if you just coined it or someone else did way before. But it's the first time I've seen it called "XBone." I think the name will stick.

      People are not just skeptical of this thing, they are outright afraid of it.

      Microsoft... wow... just wow.

      • People are not just skeptical of this thing, they are outright afraid of it.

        Microsoft... wow... just wow.

        You forget that the people buying XBox watch TV commercials and that their competitor is the root-kit maker Sony.

        This will hurt the XBox One like the rootkit fiasco or dropping Linux PS2 support hurt Sony --- this amount precisely and scientifically stated as "none at all".

        Reality. Reality bites and marketing dollars matter. Film at 11.

    • Re:Damage control (Score:4, Interesting)

      by Seumas (6865) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @11:35PM (#44025831)

      Amazon put up a poll for XBOX ONE versus PLAYSTATION 4 and they quickly canceled the poll, because with about 45,000 votes, 95% of them were for the PS4. It was a slaughter.

      http://gengame.net/2013/06/amazon-prematurely-ends-ps4-vs-xbox-one-poll-when-ps4-takes-95-of-the-vote/ [gengame.net]

      • Re:Damage control (Score:5, Insightful)

        by fredgiblet (1063752) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @11:50PM (#44025903)
        And Taylor Swift was sent to a school for the deaf when they put up a poll asking where she should perform. Popular internet polls are as reliable as astrology. I'll wait for the launch before declaring a winner, and even then the PS3 staged a comeback in the last few years, so an early lead isn't a permadeath sentence.
    • by ChromeAeonium (1026952) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @11:59PM (#44025947)

      It's not fair to call the Dreamcast's untimely demise a fiery storm of shit. The Dreamcast had a lot of good points, even if it did ultimately fail. While mistakes were made, the Dreamcast was hardly shitty.

    • Re: Damage control (Score:5, Insightful)

      by cgenman (325138) on Monday June 17, 2013 @12:34AM (#44026145) Homepage

      The big problem problem that new consoles are fighting for is: a reason to exist. Most games demo-ed so far look possible on the current generation of hardware. Crowd sources AI is an interesting twist, but possible on current consoles. Killer Instinct is an odd thing to revive, but it would play just as well on a PS3.

      Suddenly Microsoft comes out with a console that:
      1. Phones home every day.
      2. Bans game lending.
      3. Possibly cripples the used game market, or maybe not, nobody is really sure.
      4. Requires Kinect to be always on, because that wasn't a disaapointment.

      Their sales pitch of "You can play games that are basically last-gen games, but with fewer rights" has had shocking trouble resonating with consumers.

    • The dreamcast owned well and long after it "failed". It failed because its best virtue was also its achilles heel; you could easily pirate all the games. That's why the dreamcast will live on forever. Calling the dreamcast a "shit" means you don't know what you are talking about.

      You seem to have an opinion on every single slashdot story, so its not surprising that your knowledge might be spread a bit thin.

    • by RogueyWon (735973) on Monday June 17, 2013 @04:41AM (#44027011) Journal

      The Xbone will do ok in the US. That's its home market, there's always a degree of "patriotic" buying (though not to the same extent as in Japan) and, like them or not, some of the 360's exclusive franchises still have a lot of market power. There are people who will buy an Xbone for Halo. The overlap between those people and "people who read slashdot" is probably quite small.

      Will the Xbone do as well in the US as the 360 has (where the sales data shows it's the dominant console)? Probably not, at least on the basis of what we've seen so far. Sony's given the "floating voters" with no strong attachment to either camp a lot of reasons to go in the PS4 direction this time. But the Xbox series has a lot of loyal fans in the US and most of them will still be hanging on.

      The danger for MS lies outside of the US. Ok, it's never managed to get the Xbox to succeed in Japan. So it's probably fair that it doesn't put too many resources into trying this time around (you'll never get away from the fact that the demographic profile of gamers looks very, very different in Japan and is much less interested in those games we consider "mainstream" in the West).

      But Europe? Europe was in many ways the key swing battleground of the 360/PS3 generation and didn't really commit strongly to either camp. There's no "domestic" console, so no "patriotic buying" effect; in short, there's everything to play for. But MS seem to have decided not to play.

      The TV offerings (which won't even be available in many territories to start with) aren't exactly tempting in Europe. I've had to sort out phone/tv/broadband packages in the UK, Belgium and the US in the last couple of years and can hand-on-heart say that you can get a decent TV package much more cheaply and easily in Europe these days. Sky or Virgin Media vs Comcast? It's not even close. MS is facing much tougher competition to take over from the existing TV providers.

      The competition in Europe is, therefore, much more likely to be about being the better machine for games. Sony's messaging so far has been "games, games, games". I'm not really sure that Halo has more potency as a brand than Resistance, or that Gears of War is more potent than Killzone in Europe.

      Then there are the emerging markets. The parts of the world that don't buy many consoles right now, but which might conceivably start to buy a lot more over the course of the next few years. These are also places where the 24-hour-dial-home restriction is likely to be a serious deterrent.

      If MS doesn't do some urgent damage limitation, the Xbone runs a serious risk of ending up as a single-territory console.

  • by Anonymous Coward on Sunday June 16, 2013 @09:21PM (#44025185)

    For some of us, you've already lost the sale. Always on internet is a killer for many of us, since it's mostly taking away our freedom.

    Fuck Xbox One.

    • by PopeRatzo (965947) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @10:37PM (#44025593) Homepage Journal

      Fuck Xbox One.

      And what a great time, coincidentally, for there to be a renaissance in PC gaming.

      Now having had a peek at the next-gen consoles, I realize I've never been happier about being a PC gamer.

  • by Anonymous Coward

    Netcraft confirms it, the XBone will definitely add 3-4" to your penis after only one use!

  • by blarkon (1712194) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @09:27PM (#44025209)
    Remember the rage around here a few years back when Sony nixed Linux on PS3. Or the whole "rootkit fiasco"? Amazing how quickly past outrage is forgotten.
    • by girlintraining (1395911) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @09:44PM (#44025291)

      Remember the rage around here a few years back when Sony nixed Linux on PS3. Or the whole "rootkit fiasco"? Amazing how quickly past outrage is forgotten.

      There's incompetence, and then there's monumental epic cluster fuck moments of total and abject negligence like this. Sony throwing root kits onto CDs and nixing Linux on the PS3 were just bad decisions. Dumb decisions. The development of the XBone makes that look like someone flushing a cherry bomb down the toilet compared to a FAE.

      This isn't normal stupid... this is weapons grade stupid.

      • Let me see it I got that right: Sonny p0wing your computer is just stupid, but MS making an always online console is weapons grade stupid? I got that right?

        Also, why does nobody remember the "always on" feature of the MS Teleprompt?

        • by girlintraining (1395911) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @10:25PM (#44025515)

          Let me see it I got that right: Sonny p0wing your computer is just stupid, but MS making an always online console is weapons grade stupid? I got that right?

          Sony got found out pretty early on there, bud. See, that's the awesome part about even the partly open systems of the Windows world. You can't hide your dirty laundry for long.. and let's be honest: There's people out there far better than Sony at this. It was amateur hour, okay? This was a middle manager telling his engineers to make this happen "or else", and not much more thought put into it than that, because he read in a trade show mag somewhere it was his duty to defend the company from the evil pirates by any means necessary, ethics be damned. And the poor bastard fell into that pit trap and took the whole company's public reputation with him.

          It was stupid, ill-thought out, and poorly executed.

          Now on the other side, we have the XBone... it's watching you like some creepy stalker, while you undress, while you watch TV.. recording everything you do... it makes the NSA's capturing of your phone's "meta data" look positively germane. I mean, they're making no bones about the XBone's objective here: It's to hoover-vac every last shred of privacy you ever had and sell it to the highest bidder.

          This was deliberate, well thought out, well-funded, and the only thing that was poorly executed here was the public relations. They've come out looking like some lovecraftian horror beast about to be sent back into the deep by Johnny Depp wearing a pirate hat... They served their asses on a silver platter. But no... there is no contest here man. Not. Even. Fucking. Close.

        • Also, why does nobody remember the "always on" feature of the MS Teleprompt?

          Because nobody knows wtf that is. [google.com]

    • I do remember the rootkit fisaco. And I haven't purchased a sony product since.
    • by sourcerror (1718066) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @09:52PM (#44025319)

      Just think about how many people is affected by the removal of OtherOS, and how many by the 24 hour authentication.

    • by Triv (181010) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @09:52PM (#44025327) Journal

      Sony may have screwed up in the past, but they also generated a metric fuckton of goodwill at E3. That press conference was a marvel of modern brand messaging. It convinced a lot of people not at all interested in this generation of console, myself included, to seriously consider a PS4.

      There's principle, and there's bloody-mindedness for the sake of itself. It's okay to change your mind.

      • by Nerdfest (867930) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @09:56PM (#44025355)

        I still won't buy a PS4. Microsoft may have screwed themselves over, but Sony can't be trusted. As I said above, play games on a PC, in Linux ideally.

  • Herp Derp Derp (Score:5, Insightful)

    by girlintraining (1395911) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @09:37PM (#44025253)

    Q: What exclusive first-party games are in development, and when will we see them?

    A: None. Despite bending our customers over a barrel and raping them until they bled and screamed for mercy with our new DRM, we don't have a single exclusive to show for it.

    Q: How many games do you plan to ship at launch?

    A: We got a lot of promises, but the warehouse is presently, uhh, a bit vacant.

    Q: What is the new Xbox Live?

    A: For game publishers, it's the second coming of Christ, the ressurection, the moment we've been waiting for, beating ourselves off to in private fantasizing over. For game players, it's an unholy cluster fuck that makes Square Enix scorched Earth policy on every franchise you ever loved look positively humane.

    Q: What new benefits does Xbox Live offer?

    A: The new generation of Xbox Live gets to know you and your preferences, by watching you 24/7 through a webcam that cannot be turned off, and puts you at the center of all your games and entertainment, and then builds a giant 20 foot thick concrete wall between you and all your friends who you can't share any of it with without an extra fee. It will make sure your Xbox is always up to date and ready for you, like meeting every ex you ever had at a party, who then stalk you for the next year, posting comments on your Facebook about what a whore you were, and a cheater -- that gaming is better with smart, quick and intuitive multiplayer, unlike everything else on the market which can accomplish this basic feat without spying on you, whoring away your personal viewing habits, and knowing exactly when you're about to climax on the couch to post that new advertisement for Buxom Babes 7, backed by the new Smart Match system -- which is just like online dating, only creepier. It adds even more personalization to your TV and entertainment, because what's more entertaining and personal than sitting alone, in your basement, your friends unable to join you to play without paying an extra fee? Nothing, that's what! With the evolved Xbox Live, your games and profile are stored in the cloud, so you can access them from any Xbox One console, and we'd appreciate it a lot if you'd forget about what we've done with Sidekick, and every other Cloud platform we've absorbed like some Doctor Who alien, only with less wit and British charm.... this time will be different. We Promise(tm).

    Q: I saw reports stating friends will be unlimited and reports saying the cap is 1,000. Which is correct?

    A: We're excited to report it's the lower of the two, which shouldn't discourage you in any way... because we've tried very hard to match the same low standards that are already present in the industry with our next generation console!

    Q: Do I have to pay to access Xbox Live?

    A: No. We'll just be collecting your personal viewing habits and selling them to the lowest bidder.

  • Missing question (Score:4, Interesting)

    by alantus (882150) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @09:39PM (#44025259)

    101. Since I would have to pay 500$ for it, will I be able to run my own software on the Xbox One?

    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      by recoiledsnake (879048)

      The iPad costs the same, and you can't run your software on it.
      I don't see what the price has to do with that.

    • by girlintraining (1395911) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @10:14PM (#44025473)

      101. Since I would have to pay 500$ for it, will I be able to run my own software on the Xbox One?

      Today Microsoft Studios and the world's biggest and most renowned publishers, including 343 Industries, Crytek, Turn 10 Studios, Capcom and Insomniac Games, unveiled their blockbuster games lineup for Xbox One, with more exclusive titles than at any time in the history of Xbox. We're excited to share more about our complete launch portfolio over the coming weeks and months.

      101. Since I would have to pay 500$ for it, will I be able to run my own software on the Xbox One?

      Similar to Xbox 360, Xbox Live on Xbox One is free to any system owner with a broadband Internet connection and includes access to a robust catalog of gaming content on Xbox Marketplace and personal profiles.

      101. Since I would have to pay 500$ for it, will I be able to run my own software on the Xbox One?

      We're in continued discussions with a broad set of content providers and owners but we don't have anything to announce at this time.

      101. Since I would have to pay 500$ for it, will I be able to run my own software on the Xbox One?

      I exorcise thee, every unclean spirit, in the name of Ballmer the Father, and in the name of Microsoft, our lord and judge, and in the power of the Holy Console, that thou depart from this creature of Consumer which our Lord has designed to call unto his Holy temple. I cast out you noxious vermin, through the same Christ our Lord, who shall come to judge the living and the dead, and the world by fire.

  • $400 too much (Score:4, Informative)

    by RubberDogBone (851604) on Sunday June 16, 2013 @11:06PM (#44025691)

    Since I don't game much any more, mainly because I have nothing to prove to 14-year-olds who would mow me down, the only aspect of Xbone that remotely appealed to me was the promise to revolutionize TV.

    Luckily, TV and "sparts" were most of what they talked about! Oh joy. Just the same old TV repackaged. Wow this is totally what everyone wanted. Um.. yeah.

    The thing is, I already have several TV gadgets that do most of that, or at least the parts I care about. One is a Roku box. Microsoft should get one. It was $90 at Costco and ranks up there among the best decisions I've ever made in electronics. The thing OWNS my TV on the weekends. Key points: it was under $100 and I already have it. Two of them, actually. Roku in the kitchen over wifi is like wireless cable. Now what am I missing again?

    Another gadget is the new Dish Hopper with Sling. The box they tried to ban. Sure, I have to pay every month for it and it only gets "a whole lot of channels" mostly in HD, for not a lot of money. But it does a very good job at it the one thing it does. It also happily feeds ALL of that content to my phone, wherever I might happen to be. Or a PC or tablet or whatever.

    Wait, RDB. What about playing pirated video files? What about porn files!? Roku doesn't do that very well! Nope. But the Hopper can play some and I also have an old WDTV Live box which can play nearly anything. It plays some things VLC won't touch. The WD box doesn't do much else but it does do file playback. A perfect companion device. It, too, was cheap.

    So I am not feeling the need to drop $500 on another STB. What I have works. Nothing Microsoft demoed or talked about poses any threat at all to these devices. And even if they did, the price tag still kills it.

  • by slashmydots (2189826) on Monday June 17, 2013 @12:04AM (#44025959)
    Is anyone going to buy the Xbox One?
    No.

    All the rest of the questions and answers seem pretty stupid after that since that sort of undermines them all.

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