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Games Entertainment

Gizmondo Tilts At Windmills 81

Posted by Zonk from the sheeeee-booooom dept.
The always excellent Game Over feature on CNN reports on the upcoming launch of the Gizmondo portable console, and what a colossally bad idea it is. From the article: "Assuming you do want to play one of those games, it's going to be a frustrating affair. The system's D-pad controller doesn't lend itself to accurate aiming, particularly in fast-paced games. Of course, you have to turn on the Gizmondo to play games or take advantage of any of its offerings. This is not a quick task. In fact, it takes 48 seconds. (Compare that to less than five seconds on the Nintendo DS.) "
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Gizmondo Tilts At Windmills More

Gizmondo Tilts At Windmills

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  • Bad marketing decisions (Score:5, Insightful)

    by sm4kxd ( 683513 ) on Wednesday October 19, 2005 @05:25PM (#13830653)
    #1 - To try and take on Nintendo and Sony with features like a manually updated 'Currency Exchange Rate'

    #2 - To launch a device with a title like 'Sticky Balls'

    #3 - To do "all that" for more money that the PSP

    Oh and 'no retail space' should fit in there somewhere too.

    • #4 - Clunky controls.

      #5 - GPS capability (maybe).

      My favorite part of the article:

      "The less expensive system, at $229, will feature an advertising service that sends commercials up to 40 seconds long to your unit as many as three times a day. It won't interrupt your game, movie or music, but you'll have to watch them before the unit will allow you to power down. (Well, unless you rip the battery out, I suppose.) A bundle, priced at a staggering $399, will allow you to turn off the ads and comes with extra GP

  • *Crystal Ball* (Score:4, Insightful)

    by quark101 ( 865412 ) on Wednesday October 19, 2005 @05:27PM (#13830665)
    I'm seeing... It's coming... A repeat of the NGage... That's it... Yes, it is.

  • Tilting at windmills (Score:4, Insightful)

    by chrisbtoo ( 41029 ) on Wednesday October 19, 2005 @05:34PM (#13830720) Journal
    In case you're a philistine like me, and have no fscking clue what "Gizmondo Tilts At Windmills" means, you'll be pleased to learn that it means "Gizmondo prepares for a battle".

    Comes from Don Quixote [wikipedia.org] , apparently. I'd be pleased to learn from some of our more learned slashdotters why it means that.

  • I'm impressed (Score:3, Insightful)

    by Pxtl ( 151020 ) on Wednesday October 19, 2005 @05:34PM (#13830722) Homepage
    This is spectacular. I've never seen such a dismal product pitch. It's just fascinating how much that sucks.

    There's only one way I'll ever buy one of those esoteric 3rd-party handhelds (I'm happy with my DS, thanks) - full x86 compatibility, to the point that I can load PC-DOS onto the sucker and play old Liero, X-Com and Descent on the damn thing. Until then, keep dreaming.

  • I'll buy one (Score:3, Funny)

    by artifex2004 ( 766107 ) on Wednesday October 19, 2005 @05:35PM (#13830728) Journal
    ...as soon as I can trade saved Duke Nukem Forever [3drealms.com] games between it and my Phantom [phantom.net].

  • Exactly what consumers want (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Digital Vomit ( 891734 ) on Wednesday October 19, 2005 @05:46PM (#13830837) Homepage Journal
    ...will feature an advertising service that sends commercials up to 40 seconds long to your unit as many as three times a day.

    OMG! I must have one of these!!

    This Gizmondo thing is a joke, right? They're not actually going to sell this handheld thing for $400, right? Right?

  • Really too bad! (Score:3, Insightful)

    by snuf23 ( 182335 ) on Wednesday October 19, 2005 @06:00PM (#13830937)
    When I first heard about the Gizmondo, I had hopes that it would be a good platform for homebrew and emulation. Hell no! They are using bios lockout just like on the PSP to prevent development.
    The now deceased Tapwave Zodiac was a pretty good little emulation handheld, although the processor was too slow and it had a weird mutant palm OS on it.
    I would really love a comfortable pocket pc designed for gaming. I have an Asus one which does the job ok, particularly for 8 bit games like NES and Segas Master System, but no Power PC handhelds have good button layouts for gaming, and most have terrible dpads. There is however, a ton of good emulation software for the platform.

    • Re:Really too bad! (Score:3, Informative)

      by Stormwatch ( 703920 )
      I had hopes that it would be a good platform for homebrew and emulation.
      For that, you should check the GP32. [wikipedia.org]
      • Yeah actually I have. Definately need to mod the screen on it - the default not lit one was pretty bad (I've never seen the back lit Euro version). The GP32 is also showing it's age processor wise.
        I really would love to see an update of this with faster hardware, more memory and a back lit screen.

        • Re:Really too bad! (Score:3, Informative)

          by Stormwatch ( 703920 )
          I really would love to see an update of this with faster hardware, more memory and a back lit screen.
          They're working on that, it's the GP2X. [wikipedia.org]

          • I have one on pre-order. The first batch should be sent out in a couple of weeks. Since it uses Linux and SDL, it should be easy to port new games and apps to.

            To quote the official UK site [gp2x.co.uk]:

            It's open. You want to develop your own games for the GP2X? Go right ahead. The SDK is included with the system free. Not since the days of the Amiga has a system been so easy to develop for, commercially and for fun.

  • no good games, $399 and it has ADs!!! what are they smoking!

  • Wow, I'll take 20 (Score:5, Funny)

    by OneIsNotPrime ( 609963 ) on Wednesday October 19, 2005 @08:12PM (#13831733)
    The $399 version "allows you to turn off" ads.

    The $229 version forces you to watch them.

    The $179 version randomly spews profanity and flatulence sounds at high volumes.

    The $149 version kicks your shins and sheds asbestos.

    The $99 version calls your girlfriend and tells her you never loved her, then puts out a mafia hit on you.

    The $49 version only shows episodes of 'Caroline in the City', and is glued permanently to your face.

  • Let us all lean back from our keyboards for just a second and take a quiet second for reflection for what is soon to be the next in a string of extinct handhelds. The dang thing hasn't even been released stateside yet and unless it comes up with a "Halo" or other prime mover it'll arrive here stillborn. I think too many of us nerds got burnt by Tapwave to go out on a limb again... our rotund dork bodies are way too much weight for the limbs to hold.

  • Making money from Gizmondo (Score:2, Interesting)

    by Anonymous Coward
    There has been much discussion [guardian.co.uk] related to the Gizmondo. Specifically, the posting by Threep Doat on that link.

  • the name for this gizmo is called "gizmondo" a name that i find simillar to quazimodo or what ever his name is. but scince i now very little of this contraption i find it funny. well i would like to see the gizmondo play my MP3's and play games like the psp but will it be better or inferior to the other portable gizmos.

  • With the possibly exceptions of the Palm and the old Game and Watch, virtually every other handheld device I've seen so far as been a useless gimmick, IMHO. Other people will likely respond to this by accusing me of being a Luddite...my response would be to in turn accuse them of being brainless lemmings.

    A friend of mine works on game development for the GameBoy Advance. Although this device is due to be end-of-lifed soon, from what I've seen it never sold particularly well. The reason why, I suspect, is be
    • I'm not going to accuse you of being a Luddite. I'm going to accuse you of having no idea what you're talking about. The original gameboy is the best selling videogame system of all time, the DS is currently outselling the ps2 [the-magicbox.com], and over 150 million of the various types of game boy have been sold. Nintendo makes plenty of money on handhelds. (Hence the occasional speculation that Nintendo will go handheld-only)

      You can be playing a game on DS or GBA in less than 5 seconds . (Not having played with the PSP fo
      • "(Not having played with the PSP for any length of time, I don't know exactly how long it takes to be playing a game on that system. Anyone know?)"

        A bit longer when you first put the game in (it _is_ a mini-CD, so it has load times), but after that it's instant on/off. Turning it "off" really just puts it to sleep, so when you turn it back "on", you're playing again in less than half a second. Literally. No need to search for a save point or try to finish the level or whatever. You can literally just turn i
    • I agree that handheld should have "instant-on", but IMO the games don't have to be that simple (as in 1985 arcade games) as long as you can at least save at any time, or better, put it in stand-by without losing anything (My laptop with a modern OS and numerous applications can do it, why should it not be possible for the simple OS and single application running on a handheld?).

      I don't think the minute it takes to boot really matters. I've been using a laptop on the bus for the last few months and IMO the
    • > from what I've seen [the GameBoy Advance] never sold particularly well.

      <laughs until he passes out>
    • Other people will likely respond to this by accusing me of being a Luddite...my response would be to in turn accuse them of being brainless lemmings.

      Ah yes, the wonderful attitude of "I don't like it, so nobody else could possibly find it useful." And anyone that disagrees is a brainless lemming? How charming.

      A friend of mine works on game development for the GameBoy Advance. Although this device is due to be end-of-lifed soon, from what I've seen it never sold particularly well

      No. Just....No. Did you even
  • When I see the Gizmondo(didn't know about the advertising interruptiosn), GP32, Zodiac, and the other handheld consoles as of recent, I think of one thing: collectability. Heck, throw in the Wonderswan too.

    These suckers probably will lay waste to Nintendo's handheld offerings, and not sell well at all. But I bet within several years these puppies will go for big bucks on eBay. So, to summarize:

    1. Buy these handhelds the minute they are available, or go on clearance.
    2.
    3. eBay Profit!

    Because looking at Gizmon
  • I have to ask the question. Ok, so they've spent boku $$ and they want to recoup some of the loss, but releasing a DOA device is just going to harm their company not help it.

    Think of the Ngage (stop laughing I have a point)imagine if Nokia had actually LISTENED to the feedback prior to releasing it. Gone back, made the next gen version (like they did with the QD) and released that as the Ngage.

    All the complaints would've disappeared, they would've had a solid product that may have been able to carve out a b

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