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Portables (Games) Businesses It's funny. Laugh. Nintendo

Nintendo DS Hurts The Children! 107

Posted by Zonk from the hilarious-reporting-in-action dept.
GameSetWatch has a humorous lampoon of an ABC-6 Action News report on the dangers your child can face in the seedy world of Mario Kart. From the article: "We've been struggling in trying to figure out how kids can be 'lured into dangerous chat rooms' while using the Nintendo DS, considering that the DS's chat program, PictoChat, can not be used over the internet, and also keeping in mind that the only way to interact with a living being over the internet through your Nintendo DS is to do so through a game that supports Nintendo WiFi Connection, all of which require both parties to input 'friend codes' before they can play with each other."
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Nintendo DS Hurts The Children! More

Nintendo DS Hurts The Children!

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  • I don't know what's worse, the self-righteous tone of the article or emblazoning goatse.cx on my retinas.

    Skip this stupid article. It isn't funny. It isn't interesting or insightful. It's dumb and obnoxious. Like Carrot Top.

    • Re:Useless article (Score:1, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward
      But.. But.. But what about all those children!

      The ones that surf.. "Craigslist" (Obviously a bastion for Child Surfing) to get Friend Codes.. to Chat and get Lured!

      I mean, have you seen the main craigslist page? Might as well be candy to the unsuspecting child.

      And then, worst thing of all, is some Lester the Molester might post directions on how to get to his house on a decal in Mario Kart! How can our kids even combat this temptation!

      Quick, Someone put a stop to these evil internets and interwebs.

      • Re:Useless article (Score:3, Insightful)

        by Meagermanx ( 768421 )
        My favorite part: Nintendo confirms what happened to Emily is possible but the company claims that person must also be using another DS system and be within 65 feet.
        If the poster is 65 feet away from your child, then it would be easier to shoot your kid or flash them or something.
         
        Man, I wish I could get Pictochat to work that way, though. A buddy list and a better chat client, and it would be great.

  • Arg! Old E3 DS render! (Score:3, Insightful)

    by homeobocks ( 744469 ) on Tuesday February 14, 2006 @10:16PM (#14721824)
    Why is it that whenever I see an article about the DS, I see this terrible old prototype render from 2003?

  • Lured into buying games (Score:3, Insightful)

    by saskboy ( 600063 ) on Tuesday February 14, 2006 @10:17PM (#14721828) Homepage Journal
    The more obvious danger of any Nintendo system is the imminent addiction to Video Game stores, and the games sections of any major department store. Partial relief from high prices can be found in pawn shops, and on eBay, but the only known cure is complete cold turkey quitting.

    Being lured into dangerous chats is a problem more likely from letting your kids sit in front of any Internet connection without ever checking what they are doing online.
    • I think the real danger is walking out in front of a car, or worse a bus, becaues lets face it, your not going to look properly if you have mario kart in your hands!
  • "Action News"!? I thought that was a Simpsons joke.

    • It is. (Score:1)

      by IAAP ( 937607 )
      FTFA: Philadelphia ABC-6 Action News at 11 tonight poses the question, "Is the Nintendo DS connecting your child with Strangers?" It also asks, using an exclamation point instead of a question mark, "Are unsuspecting kids being lured into dangerous chat rooms using this toy!"

      It's all sensationalist shit to get ratings.

      How's does it go again: Move along! Nothing to see here!.

      • if you RTFA, it sounds REALY sarcastic
        • if you RTFA, it sounds REALY sarcastic

          (W)holy shit! You're right! I just saw the first line and I thought "Oh, great! Another posting of somebody's blog who has some axe to grind!" So, I didn't even bother reading the rest. I didn't think it was even worth it - except to post a two bit opinion ;-)

          Then again, you made an interesting point and maybe I made one by accident and out of pure stupidity. :-)

          I think it's time for me to go to bed now - up too early coding - and up too late last night doing the sam

    • "Action News"!? I thought that was a Simpsons joke.
      I've lived in Philly and watched "news program" a few times. It is a Simpsons Joke.

  • Oh somebody! (Score:3, Funny)

    by Dr. Eggman ( 932300 ) on Tuesday February 14, 2006 @10:18PM (#14721832)
    Won't somebody please think of the children!
  • It airs tonight at 11 EST. Anyone in the Philadelphia area get ABC 6?

  • Uh... Foot Icon? (Score:2, Offtopic)

    by AndreiK ( 908718 )
    Where's the big foot icon for this post? I mean, reading the article, it's obvious it's a parody.

    Do the editors not edit or something? ... Oh, wait...

    • Re:Uh... Foot Icon? (Score:5, Insightful)

      by barawn ( 25691 ) on Tuesday February 14, 2006 @11:37PM (#14722200) Homepage
      I mean, reading the article, it's obvious it's a parody.

      I think they know.

      lampoon (lm-pn') pronunciation
      n.

            1. A written attack ridiculing a person, group, or institution. See synonyms at caricature.
            2. A light, good-humored satire.

      However, the original article from ABC is, in fact, serious. It's also so ridiculously inaccurate, it's scary. Quoth I: "Predators are using Nintendo DS anywhere in the world. And it's going to be really hard to track down those individuals because of course, they're on a wireless network from a hotspot such as a coffee shop." which is totally false - as PictoChat only works DS-to-DS, which means the person they're talking to is a few feet away.

      I dunno about you, but I think I can track a DS user who's a few feet away. I'm probably going to look for the guy holding a Nintendo DS who's not me.

      But then again, this is why I don't watch local news. To paraphrase the Daily Show, "Is the media too sensationalist? Find out tonight, in our no-holds-barred expose that just might save your family's life."

  • Understandable. (Score:4, Funny)

    by cgenman ( 325138 ) on Tuesday February 14, 2006 @10:32PM (#14721894) Homepage
    The article is right. This is completely preposterous.

    BTW, anyone who wants to win a free Nintendo DS* just visit AOL Teen Chat and send me your A/S/L.

    *Free Nintendo DS not guaranteed

  • In Soviet Russia children prey on ABC-6.

  • Hmm (Score:3, Interesting)

    by jb.hl.com ( 782137 ) <<ten.niwdlab-eoj> <ta> <eoj>> on Tuesday February 14, 2006 @10:49PM (#14721988) Homepage Journal
    I'm vaguely reminded of Brass Eye [wikipedia.org] and its satirical criticism of video games (for the non-initiated, they got a bunch of easily-bought celebrities to come on camera and say that a cartoon dog's eyes on a game could be used as a webcam by a paedophile).

    In short; utter fucking bollocks.

  • So here's the actual article ... (Score:3, Informative)

    by EvilCabbage ( 589836 ) on Tuesday February 14, 2006 @10:53PM (#14722009) Homepage
    Again, how about posting a direct link to the article making crackpot claims instead of somebodys blog?

    ABC News "report" here [go.com]

    They are indeed claiming the Nintendo DS is some kind of perverse tool of evil, they completely ignore the differences between the ad-hoc network capability and the online play and use the word "claim" to downplay Nintendos technical explaination.

  • Children First! (Score:3, Funny)

    by tirefire ( 724526 ) on Tuesday February 14, 2006 @10:54PM (#14722015)
    This silly news station has an entire section devoted to children (http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/story?section=childre n_first&id=3297128 [go.com]). After browsing through it for a moment I found this little gem:

    "I have a friend of mine who told me that his son was on-line when he was thirteen, and a sexual predator had wanted him to send nude pictures of himself to them, and my friend sent him a major virus for his computer."

    This is from a *Police Chief* who doesn't seem to realize that he incriminated his friend. But then again, his friend probably wasn't l33t enough to send him a "major virus", so two wrongs might have made a right :P .

    Perhaps stupidity is infectious in this community?

    • Re:Children First! (Score:3, Interesting)

      by Shadows ( 121287 )
      That police chief might sound kind of shady, but it's okay, they got a serious "Internet Saftey Expert" Kieth Dunn [kdcop.com] to weigh in on the matter. I mean, he's a proud proponent of eBlaster Spy Software [eblaster.com] -- software that "records ALL emails, chats, instant messages, web sites visited, keystrokes typed, programs launched and peer-to-peer (P2P) files downloaded - then sends it to you via email in the form of a detailed Activity Report" -- so you can not only spy on your child but betray their trust at the very same

  • AND (Score:1, Funny)

    by Kuku_monroe ( 753761 )
    Someone could also throw a DS to the kid's face after losing in Mario Kart.

  • Suggestion. (Score:1, Insightful)

    by Anonymous Coward
    Let's all go to the channel 6 website, hit the contact button, email them, then say, "Y'all are f'cking retarded."

    Also, let's contact the FCC and complain about the slanderous nature of the show. Let's face it, the report is straight up libel. What they say is false, and they most certainly know it. Anyone who has even seen a DS is aware that PictoChat cannot be used over the internet, but they act like it can. False + intent to defame = a crime.

    So, let's also encourage Nintendo to sue them.

  • Complaint form (Score:5, Informative)

    by Omega697 ( 586982 ) on Tuesday February 14, 2006 @11:19PM (#14722113)
    Go here: http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/story?section=stationi nfo&id=3293957 [go.com] To file a complaint. I did. We need to hold these reporters' feet to the fire. Insiste they cease their fearmongering and shoddy journalism.

    • Re:Complaint form (Score:5, Insightful)

      by some guy on slashdot ( 914343 ) on Tuesday February 14, 2006 @11:40PM (#14722214)
      I sent them a "compliment" with a "tip" to the concerned mother, telling her to call the police or inform a manager if her child is meeting predators in Pictochat, because they have to be close by to communicate in that program. I also told her to tell her kid not to give her friend code out. I was cheery and "helpful" so maybe that'll help them realize what a bunch of idiots they are for running that story.

      I honestly can't believe they found a "security expert" who was willing to ignore the fact that it was technically impossible for someone to incite the described scenario over the internet. He lied to get on TV, so, shame on him.

      Also, I wish they'd stop saying that the DS is intended to be a childrens' toy. It certainly is something small kids would enjoy, and it certainly is a toy, but a lot of adults have them and enjoy them and get together at PAX to draw penises at each other while getting smashed. It's not like a Leappad or something.
    • Already done. Referred to their so-called story as "sensationalist rubbish" and "drivel". It's fun criticising the media.
    • You guys dont seen to realize that they dont care, these sorts of news shows have about 20 different stories and they recycle them with whatever is topical. Like the tabloids The show is not about informing its about entertaining and anyone stupid enough to believe anything on those shows probably couldent make the right decision if they were well informed.
    • Wow - I discovered your story about Pictochat and the horrors of using the Nintendo DS to play games such as Mario Kart over the Internet, and the issues that my 6 year old daughter could run into.

      Such as - playing a game (such as Mario Kart) which features no communication ability with a child predator (in neither text nor audio format, since the game connection simply assigns competitors and does not allow them to chat).

      And Pictochat - I have to worry about that one, since she will have to be within 65 fe
      • It's obvious that you're gravely underestimating the devilish obsession and ingenuity of the Internet pedophiles! This short-sighted irresponsible behavior is placing your children in grave danger!

        Have you never thought of driving in letter-shaped patterns, or even jumping in morse code?

        Can you afford to take that risk when they walk among us?!

  • Incorrect statement (Score:3, Informative)

    by 77Punker ( 673758 ) <(spencr04) (at) (highpoint.edu)> on Tuesday February 14, 2006 @11:35PM (#14722183)
    Mario Kart DS does not require a friend code to play online. A friend code is only required to play against a friend. Of course, there's still no threat to the children. The worst that could happen is somebody draws a penis for his logo. The one that could be a threat since it has a chat function, Animal Crossing, does require a friend code to play a game so you're damn sure whose DS and game cartridge combination you're playing against.
  • Seriously, this kind of ultra-sensationalized bullshit borders on liable and slander (as there is an article version online as well); it wouldn't be a bad idea for Nintento to consider drawing up a lawsuit.
  • On the right side of the article, there is a video link that links to the afore mentioned article.

    The same link is on the front page of the site.

    I want to hear a report talk about this seriously with a straight face. :-/
  • "Don't talk to strangers in game rooms if you don't know they're your friends. Don't talk to anyone. Just stop talking. Stop chatting in the game room." (emphasis mine.)

    I am aghast.
    Not sure at what exactly.
    But, don't parents teach their kids that an "unknown person" (what exactly is an unknown person anyways?) who isn't acting like he wants a game of Mario Kart isn't someone you want to talk to?
  • The **only** real way a Nintendo DS can hurt a child is if the child whacks him/herself with it really hard casusing massive brain damage.
  • If your kid is reading craigslist. You have a lot more things to worry about than a stranger asking what they are wearing.
  • let the station know what you think of thier reporting at

    866-639-7749
    • I've got a bad feeling this number leads to the audial equivalent of goatse.
      • That's actually their tip line. It would probably be easier to call their general number, which is (215)-878-9700. Burn a few cell-phone minutes and tell them how wrong they are.

        I've already sent them a nice little email picking their story apart completely. Hopefully if enough people point out their fearmongering BS, they will suck it up and admit to their ignorance (preferrably on the air).

        • Re:866-639-7749 (Score:4, Insightful)

          by earthbound kid ( 859282 ) on Wednesday February 15, 2006 @07:19AM (#14723422) Homepage
          Unlikely. There's no real precedent of Action News channels admitting how full of crap they are. And why would they? They have no incentive to do so as it stands. They must have known the story was garbage when they made it. Any idiot can tell that the DS only chats locally. So they willfully overlooked the truth to get ratings through sensastionalism. Pointing out their error won't cause them to correct their mistake, because it wasn't an honest one, it was a willful deception. What are they going to do, go on TV and say, "Oh our bad, we lied right through our teeth the other day, but we got some polite calls, so we'll retract what we said now." Not going to happen.

          Basically our only realistic hope is to annoy them so much that they (and other TV news shows) realize that if they libel video gamers again it's just going to clog their phones and email boxes and make their lives miserable. The other options are to complain to the FCC about the blatantly misleading nature of the program and hope that they threaten to pull their license and to encourage Nintendo to sue, but neither is that likely to happen given the spinelessness of the FCC and the difficulty of proving libel in America. There's not really much hope for justice. All we can do is annoy them and hope they learn their lesson.
    • let the station know what you think of thier reporting

      This is like feeding trolls. All you do by inundating them with feedback is prove to them that their grossly inaccurate and misleading story has succeeded in attracting a lot of attention. Which in turn means increased traffic (and thus ad revenues) on their website.

      Perhaps a better approach is to sic Nintendo (and their crack legal team) on them.

  • Hang on.. (Score:2, Insightful)

    by andypoole ( 523157 )
    Are they assuming that people don't read the media? They say how scared they were of putting their name, age and location into their DS' Pictochat to someone who's within 70 feet of them (or however long the distance is), but they're quite happy to put their name, age and location in an article on a very public website, which subsequently gets linked to by Slashdot and the like, hence being seen by far more people than it would if they'd just put it into their DS to start with...
  • Actually, they may soon have something to worry about.

    Opera for the DS [modojo.com].

    Japan only, I'm afraid. We'll see if it can run on this side of the pond.

  • No one figure the range on these things yet? (Score:4, Interesting)

    by forgotten_my_nick ( 802929 ) on Wednesday February 15, 2006 @08:08AM (#14723563)
    I can see it now on pictochat...

    "Princess Peach! GET OUT NOW! The signal is coming from within the Castle!"

  • Hasn't Nintendogs got a function where you can record a 5sec voice message, which is sent when the system finds another Nintendog? The only thing left is how to pack as much obscenity and peadophelia into a five second recording.
  • Of course the DS hurts children, especially when you throw it at them.
  • What's with the recent surge in stories about evil child predators lurking in the corners of the internet just waiting to solicit your child for buttsecks or at least explicit pics? I get the feeling somebody is pushing an agenda somewhere, and it's not for the sake of the children.

    If your child gets solicited repeatedly on the internet, it's your own damn fault for not paying attention to/controlling what your child is doing. If you're not going to supervise your children's behavior on the internet, at l
    • Fact of the matter is, if we REALLY were concerned for children's safety, we would take them away from their parents at birth, and never allow them to associate with any relatives.

      Stories like this remind me of a (surprise!) sensationalist news report on child abductions in Canada. The stats were from 2003 or 2004. They spent a good 5 minutes talking about how many children go missing in Canada each year. It's in the tens of thousands. A good chunk of that is teen runaways, but there are still THOUSANDS of
  • Once again, your article at http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/story?section=special _ coverage&id=3905371 [go.com] (about the "dangers" of the Nintendo DS) is a pack of lies. None of the claims it makes are true. There are not sexual predators out looking for children with Nintendo DSes. It's simply not possible.

    For your own sake I hope you realize you should remove this article from your web site, or you may face a libel suit from Nintendo.

    This article is a mockery of the journalistic process and does nothing but expo

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