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Uwe Boll Has Three Picture Distribution Deal 63

Posted by Zonk
from the for-the-love-of-all-that-is-holy-make-the-burning-stop dept.
1up is reporting that famed, beloved film-maker Uwe Boll has landed a three-picture deal with a company called FreeStyle. They're going to be releasing three Boll-helmed films to theatres across the country. The three films are Postal, Dungeon Siege, and an original work by the director called Seed. "The high-profile cast of In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale -- Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Ron Perlman, Leelee Sobieski, John Rhys-Davies, Matthew Lillard and Burt Reynolds -- means Freestyle's putting their muscle behind the fantasy epic. Opening January 18, 2008, the film's scheduled to appear in at least 2,500 screens -- a nice score for Boll, considering BloodRayne's distribution problems."
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Uwe Boll Has Three Picture Distribution Deal

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  • by Chris Burke (6130) on Friday June 08, 2007 @01:09PM (#19441109) Homepage
    I saw the headline that said "three pictures" as in still images and thought to myself "Yeah, that's about the right length for a Uwe Boll film".
    • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

      by RingDev (879105)
      Oddly enough, last I heard his Dungeon Seige movie was like 4 1/2 hours and was getting split into 2 releases (thanks giving/x-mas).

      -Rick
  • by Puff of Logic (895805) on Friday June 08, 2007 @01:12PM (#19441165)
    Am I the only one who involuntarily flinches whenever news comes out about movies based on games? I swear, it's an actual physical reaction to mental trauma!
    • Far from it. It's a wonder the man has enough self-respect... or lack of shame to continue making films.

      He's a disgrace to the notion of art, and humanity.
      • I can see Uwe making more films.
        What flabergasts me is that major actors are still voluntarily acting in them.
        • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

          by frosty_tsm (933163)
          John Rhys-Davies just wants to be a dwarf again.
        • Hollywood has always functioned on its own rules of what could be loosely referred to as "logic," but you're right: The actions of movie studios, actors, and Uwe himself all serve to confuse the everloving crap out of me.
        • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

          What flabergasts me is why studios still like him. House of the Dead (2003) Budget: $7MM; Domestic gross: $10MM Alone in the Dark (2005) Budget: $20MM; Domestic gross: $5.13MM Bloodrayne (2005) Budget: $25MM; Domestic gross: $1.55MM In all 3 cases I couldn't find any significant foreign box office numbers (might have missed those somehow though). Ignoring film quality, I could understand studios taking a risk and giving him more small films to take a crack at. The risk/reward is probably pretty good given
          • Re: (Score:2, Interesting)

            by Rude Turnip (49495)
            It's all about tax write-offs.
            • by blincoln (592401)
              It's all about tax write-offs.

              My understanding is that it used to be, but the loophole he operated under was closed. So in this case I assume he suckered the new distributor into believing they will actually manage to turn a profit?
              • by khallow (566160)
                Uwe Boll still in business means that there's at least one more loophole out there.
          • What flabergasts me is why studios still like him.
            Either he has some very incriminating photos of studio execs or he just gives good head.
          • by tibike77 (611880)
            They sold relatively well on DVD and other non-cinema media.
            They more than made back their budged, every last one of them.
            Sadly.
            • To be honest, I thought Bloodrayne was okay for a low budget movie. Haven't seen the rest and have no intention, I'm just a sucker for vampires...
          • I'm pretty sure those domestic gross numbers are purely box office numbers (and Bloodrayne was $2.4MM, not $1.55MM (which was opening weekend), but that's just nitpicky). It's very possible, though I haven't found numbers to support the theory, that the DVD sales/rentals can add significantly to these figures. Does anyone know if generally how box office revenue compares to DVD revenue, specifically from the studio's perspective?

            However, beyond financials, you're right - why would a studio want to assoc

    • by Ngarrang (1023425)
      Leelee Sobieski...

      That was all I needed to read. I would watch her reading the phone book.
      • She is indeed most attractive. Of course, I would also say similar things about Kristanna Loken, and watching Blood Rayne was a traumatic experience...

        Heck, even House of the Dead would have been a decent cheesy B horror movie if he hadn't insisted on putting those stupid scenes from the game in the movie...
  • How many times does Uwe Boll go down for a deal like this? Silver tongue? Hypnosis? Pact with Satan?

  • by WidescreenFreak (830043) on Friday June 08, 2007 @01:15PM (#19441257) Homepage Journal
    "considering Bloodrayne's distribution problems"??? You're joking right? The problem was that Bloodrayne was distributed at all! *shudder* And once again he's trying to hide his pathetic movie making "skills" with some high-profile name. Hey, if Ben Kingsley and that honey Kristianna Lokken couldn't save Bloodrayne I'm not sure how he thinks that doing it again will someone work. Apparently, this company that's giving him these three films has not heard of the phrase about learning from history.

    Ooh. I'd better be careful lest Boll challenge me to a boxing match. Unfortunately, he's a better boxer than filmmaker. Then again, he probably does everything better than filmmaking. :P
  • Problems (Score:2, Funny)

    by Bugs42 (788576)

    Opening January 18, 2008, the film's scheduled to appear in at least 2,500 screens -- a nice score for Boll, considering BloodRayne's distribution problems.
    Silly me, and here I was thinking that BloodRayne's failure was due to it being a crap movie.
  • by Sciros (986030) on Friday June 08, 2007 @01:32PM (#19441603) Journal
    Uwe Boll is my favorite movie director and producer, and fight choreographer of all time. He should make a movie a week because I would watch them all! Bloodrayne was one of the best movies ever because of Kristanna's amazing breasts and Billy Zane's pimp toupee that looked like he kept it in a pocket right up until the camera started rolling in every scene and hastily kinda just slapped it on, barely checking if it was even right-side-up.

    Forget Peter Jackson and Halo. Uwe Boll is the only man for that job. And for Zelda as well. I can't wait for his awesome Oscar-sweeping epic Dungeon Siege movie; I assume Burt Reynolds plays the donkey.
  • Finally! (Score:2, Funny)

    by brainlessbob (973044)
    His movies gets the attention they deserves and I hope it atleast ends the overall negative publicity his movies gets. They may not be masterpieces but they definently are alot better than what many says.
    • No, they are not a lot better. They are festering warts and cancerous polyps on the rectum of filmmaking. Boll has absolutely no talent and churns out some of the worst garbage Hollywood has ever seen. Here's hoping this is Boll's last gasp. These three films are going to tank, FreeStyle will abandon him, and then hopefully no one will ever fund his films again.
  • "The high-profile cast of In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale -- Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Ron Perlman, Leelee Sobieski, John Rhys-Davies, Matthew Lillard and Burt Reynolds

    The big name actors made Bloodrayne seem even worse to me - I kept thinking what the fuck are you doing in this crappy movie?

    And what are you even doing in this type of movie? I'm looking at you Michael Madsen. And you Michelle Rodriguez.

    And the material they had to work with made them look like really lousy actors. What

  • by JMZero (449047) on Friday June 08, 2007 @01:54PM (#19441995) Homepage
    Dungeon Siege: The Movie [penny-arcade.com]
  • This is good, people! If Uwe floods the market with his crappy films, perhaps poorly acted, written, and directed films will fall out of favour! People will go to the cinema and think: "Wow, looks like they totally Uwe'd this movie, let's check out something else."

    So don't worry everybody, we can count on the market and people's good sense and intelligence to fix the problem.

    Right...?
    • Re:Oversaturated (Score:4, Insightful)

      by suv4x4 (956391) on Friday June 08, 2007 @02:59PM (#19443167)
      People will go to the cinema and think: "Wow, looks like they totally Uwe'd this movie, let's check out something else."

      It's not how it works. You see, some movies are so bad, I mean SO BAD, that they're good. The canonical example is "Plan 9 from outer space" (you gotta check this out).

      If you thought Plan 9 is funny, then you will love Uwe's "Alone in the Dark" quite a bit more. The movie is so hilarious, that if they marketed it as a parody, I'd never suspect anything else.

      The script, acting, editing, effects: everything is going to crack you up. And this is why, I like Uwe's movies and watch them. Especially good if you go watch it with some friends.
  • Burt Reynolds in a medieval fantasy movie? Here's some working titles:

    Smokey and the Rogue
    The Longest Furlong
    The Best Little Whorehouse in Middle Earth
    Cannonball Run
  • Uwe Boll, video game based films, etc... Does it really make a difference when almost all big name films coming out are complete and utter shit anyway?
  • I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

    Why hasn't someone taken this man's movie making license away!!!??? And what frickin suckers would give this guy money to make movies in the first place?????

    The best scene in Bloodrayne was Meatloaf's naked vamp chick harem, then you he actually had to throw meatloaf in that scene which took it down a bunch of notches.

    I saw a brief story a while back on Postal and thought to myself, um, like the game REALLY didn't have much of a story line. It was pretty much "
    • by KDR_11k (778916)
      Why hasn't someone taken this man's movie making license away!!!???

      Because of a pesky law known as the first amendment. If there ever was a reason to abolish it it's this guy.
    • by Ecuador (740021)
      If this is accurate: http://www.cinemablend.com/features/Uwe-Boll-Money -For-Nothing-209.html [cinemablend.com], then you have your answer.
    • The way the German tax laws are written, Boll's backers get a big tax write-off for investing in his movies, regardless of whether they're any good. Thus, it's a win-win: the investors get a big tax reduction and Boll has a job.
    • by mink (266117)
      Postal 2 has some bit of storyline.
      Get your paycheck, go get some milk from the mini mart, return some library books, mundale life kind of stuff.

      Dont remember a lot of the rest. Like why I ended up in a gimp suit, or the reason I had a sniper rifle. I do thank the thugs who were hunting me for managing to line up, because in that game the sniper rifle will actually penetrate through at least 3 people. They went down in one shot.
  • That man takes to the movie camera like Jason Vorhees and hockey masks.
  • Postal? (Score:1, Insightful)

    by Anonymous Coward
    You know, I have to admit I can't think of anyone more appropriate to make a movie out of that.
  • I can't believe we've all already forgiven him for House of the Dead (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0317676/). Bloodrayne was bad? How's about a movie where if you're on the boat, it rains, but if you fall in the water it stops. Pan back to the boat, more rain...
  • And closing Opening January 19, 2008. Seriously "Dungeon Siege" will have been sitting in the can for two years. Distributors are not stupid, if it was even slightly watchable it would have appeared before now.
  • Yet another sign of the imminent apocalypse, Uwe Boll gets a 3 movie deal.

  • that dungeon siege had already been finished, released and bombed. I really need to cut down on my spice consumption, prescience is too trippy.
  • How do you pronounce "Uwe Boll"? The closest I can come to is "you bowl", which doesn't sound like a name.

    You know, so I can tell people to avoid his movies.
  • FYI January is the traditional dumping ground for studios. Films that studios believe will be big open in November-December to cash in on the holiday crowds. Smaller films that don't have mass appeal, but appeal more towards the "arthouse" crowds, open in late December in order to be in contention for Oscar consideration, then they are (hopefully) released big in February to March with ad campaigns trumpeting their Oscar nominations. Films that are neither arty nor will be popular open in January.

    Congrat
  • by Allen Varney (449382) on Friday June 08, 2007 @07:28PM (#19446381) Homepage
    For the second time in two days, I get to plug one of my Escapist articles: "Uwe Boll and the German Tax Code [escapistmagazine.com]," which answers the perennial question "Why do people keep giving Boll money to make movies?" (Link goes to HTML text version.)
  • by Anonymous Coward
    the existence of Uwe Boll proves that there is no God!
    • I feel the exact opposite way, given his ahem track record, there must be SOME supernatural intervention. I think Uwe Boll proves that God exists and he enjoys playing really dumb practical jokes on humans.

We warn the reader in advance that the proof presented here depends on a clever but highly unmotivated trick. -- Howard Anton, "Elementary Linear Algebra"

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