Uwe Boll Smash! 125
Eurogamer has an interview with opportunistic license-killer Uwe Boll. In the interview, which is dominated by Boll's anger with game fans, he states that he's unlikely to see new game licenses for movies after he butchers Far Cry. From the interview: "In fact, it's not just confusing Boll - it's putting him off the whole thing all together. 'I won't say that I won't acquire another videogame licence in the future. But I'm not so eager to do it any more, to be honest. After Far Cry, maybe I'll go away from videogame-based movies. And everybody can be really happy about it.'"
Finally (Score:5, Funny)
Perhaps he could start making reality TV shows , The scripts would be better and the acting more convincing .
The burgeoning field of arithmetic (Score:4, Funny)
So in his estimates, that means about 500 to 1000 people have seen his movies and less than fifty knew him before House of the Dead.
Based on the paltry box office results from his recent movies, I'd say that sounds about right.
Re:The burgeoning field of arithmetic (Score:2)
Re:Finally (Score:1)
Re:Finally (Score:3, Funny)
So my thinking on this is , if he makes movies about the worst thing to happen to TV since the Soap opera , they will be brilliant.
Happy post-Valentine's! (Score:5, Funny)
Oh, and the whole "I'm getting out of video game movies" thing is pretty cool, too.
What a nice after-Valentine's gift.
Re:Happy post-Valentine's! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Happy post-Valentine's! (Score:1)
Re:Happy post-Valentine's! (Score:2, Funny)
You did it wrong. Should've done it the Peter Griffin way:
It was his sled. There. I've saved you two boring, boobless hours.
Re:Happy post-Valentine's! (Score:4, Funny)
>Oh, and the whole "I'm getting out of video game movies" thing is pretty cool, too.
"You won't have Dick Nixon to kick around anymore." -- Richard Nixon speaking to reporters after losing the 1962 California Governor's race to Pat Brown. This is often considered to be the first lie of Nixon's 1968 presidential campaign.10 times better? (Score:3, Funny)
So, does that make each release 1 grade higher in the Richter scale or something?
Re:10 times better? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:10 times better? (Score:1)
There are negatives, you know.
Re:10 times better? (Score:1)
10 times a negative score means that he promises his movies will only get worse.
Re:10 times better? (Score:1)
Re:10 times better? (Score:2, Funny)
"If people really think I'm completely talentless, and this is to journalists, they should at least rent one of my earlier movies, like Heart of America, which is a really, really good movie."
So which is it? The movies are getting "better and better" or people should go and see his earlier movies to judge him?
Plus, a bonus quote I found funny:
It's fashionable to hit on Uwe Boll, and this is what I don't get.
I don't think I would ever 'hit on' Uwe Boll, no matter HOW 'fashi
Re:10 times better? (Score:2)
the amazing thing (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:the amazing thing (Score:2)
So true. But I think his movies suck more prominently because they have a built-in audience: gamers. If his movies weren't based on games, then absolutely no one would ever see them and there would be no flogging of Boll in forums across the internet. (Which, of course, is way more fun than actually sitting through his movies.)
Re:the amazing thing (Score:2)
From TFA:
Boll says the point is that his movies get better as his career progresses - Dungeon Siege is "ten times better" than BloodRayne, which is ten times better than House of the Dead, and so on.
So fucking what? Since when, outside of primary school, did grown-up adults get "points for trying"?
Grow up and stop
Re:the amazing thing (Score:2)
Worst part of Alone in the Dark was Tara Reid's "acting". The writing was pretty lame, too.
Of course, I've never played Alone in the Dark.
Loophole... (Score:2, Insightful)
A Day in the Life of Zonk & Taco (Score:5, Funny)
Enter: Zonk.
Zonk: Hey there, sport, why do you look so down?
*CmdrTaco remains silent*
Zonk: Still depressed about how your Valentine's date actually turned out to be a 38 year old Slashdot fan who still lives with his mom?
CmdrTaco: [dejectedly] Yeah
Zonk: Well, by golly, I know what'll cheer you up! Another Uwe Boll story on Slashdot!
CmdrTaco: Nah, the readers are tired of making fun of the same damned guy over and over
Zonk: Oh, come on! Then we'll put it in sectional content!
*Zonk finds an Uwe Boll interview that he hasn't posted before [slashdot.org] and runs the story*
Zonk: There! That should cheer you up! Just sit back and laugh as the replies roll in.
Re:A Day in the Life of Zonk & Taco (Score:2)
"*Zonk finds an Uwe Boll interview that he hasn't posted before and runs the story*"
Hahaha, that is so fake. A Slashdot editor checking for dupes? Surely you jest!
Re:A Day in the Life of Zonk & Taco (Score:3, Informative)
http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=02/02/14/14325
Re:A Day in the Life of Zonk & Taco (Score:1)
There's SOME redeeming qualities... (Score:2)
C'mon... Gary Coleman? I don't get to see him anywhere but Avenue Q...
Re:There's SOME redeeming qualities... (Score:2)
In the show I saw, it was an actRESS, even...
Still a damned good show.
Remember kids, the internet is for porn!
Anybody know the order? (Score:2)
I dunno that it matters a whole lot, I'm not sure either movie would earn my money. It will be nice to start bashing a brand new director of craptastic movies.
Re:Anybody know the order? (Score:2)
German movie tax loophole.
Look it up. it's there.
Well, it was there, now it's patched. Uwe stops making movies. Coincidence? I don't think so.
What happened is that if an investor lost money in a national cultural production, he had a tax break for the amount of money he put in, or something that would create that effect. Today, the same german investor cannot get any benefit from putting money in a movie that will not bring a revenue, and cannot get the break
Well.. (Score:4, Insightful)
Don't Judge (Score:2, Funny)
Ok, I saw Alone In The Dark. It was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Happy now?
Re:Don't Judge (Score:2)
Re:Don't Judge (Score:1)
Re:Don't Judge (Score:2, Informative)
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/p/uwe_boll/ [rottentomatoes.com]
I'm not going to blindly agree with every movie critic, but when they *all* trash *every* movie you make, it's time to consider a new career.
Christmas already? (Score:1, Funny)
Maybe there's something to this... (Score:5, Interesting)
He might be saying something insightful about disposal culture here. Maybe Uwe Boll is secretly a postmodern hero, this generation's Andy Warhol [wikipedia.org].
Of course, I never cared for Warhol much either.
He also says his movies are successful "Not because I make the best movies on earth, but I make movies for a minimal amount of budget compared to what major companies are spending.
This is pretty brilliant, and I'd hope other directors would start catching on.
Primer [imdb.com] was made on only $6,000. If it didn't use film stock, if we encouraged digital production, it would've been less. Hopefully some directors with a little more interest in story will learn from Uwe just how easy it is to make films if you do so with a little mind for economy. If we economize film production, we'll democratize it, and in the end, get better films. Eventually. Unfortunately, along the way, we'll also get more Uwe Bolls - bad storytellers that the market can't seem to squash.
Re:Maybe there's something to this... (Score:2)
Of course, that kind of approach is strip-mining. He not only damages his own reputation with these crap films, but the movie industry in general. If viewers start thinking "let's not go to the
Re:Maybe there's something to this... (Score:2)
Re:Maybe there's something to this... (Score:1)
Re:Maybe there's something to this... (Score:2)
He's no Warhol.
Re:Maybe there's something to this... (Score:2)
So was El Mariachi. I'd rather see anything by Robert Rodriguez, Spy Kids 3-D and Once Upon a Time in Mexico included, than anything by Uwe Boll.
Is this guy a genius performance artist or a joke? (Score:2)
Best..quote...ever.
Okay, I'll admit it, I worship Uwe and hope he keeps making video game movies. Why? Because all video game movies suck (let's face it video game stories are trash to begin with--usually just cheap exercises in setting you up for some preditable gameplay). But at least Uwe's suck **ROYALLY**!
I mean, they're so bad they'r
Re:Is this guy a genius performance artist or a jo (Score:1)
http://games.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=166027&
You're this testosterone spitting baddass with the biggest fucking gun in the universe, and you inevitably fail (in the first game), it's a hardcore tragedy and statement about man's impotence in the face of the inevitable.
Re:Is this guy a genius performance artist or a jo (Score:2)
-Eric
Yeah, (Score:1)
It's not me, it's everyone else! (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:It's not me, it's everyone else! (Score:2)
He just needs to master the phrase, "It's not for you." [penny-arcade.com]
-Adam
Re:It's not me, it's everyone else! (Score:1)
It's Like He Admits How Bad They Are.... (Score:2, Insightful)
Whoa ... wait a minute... (Score:5, Insightful)
We develop a fondness for a particular game. He gets the license then creates a movie that can only be described as a poorly-done "B" movie (yes, there are plenty of well-done "B" movies). Fans are greatly disappointed in what he did to the movie and by association the game. The fans voice their displeasure. Then he gets angry that fans are disappointed? What's wrong with this picture?!!!
What does he expect fans to do? Just say, "Oh, thank you! Thank you for converting a game to a movie that I was hoping more than anything to end right after the beginning credits started! We are so grateful!"
His views of the modern gamer and modern movie-goer is clearly so low as to be insulting. I've seen productions from amateur (read: still-in-film-school) movie makers that were wonderfully written with really impressive cinematogrphy and editing; I've also been on the crew of indepenent films that were fun to film and fun to watch because the director had a solid vision of what the scripts were trying to project. (No, not porn. Seriously!) If film students and amateur film makers can make entertaining movies on showstring budgets, there really is not much of an excuse for Boll (or any director) who has lots of funding behind him not to create a movie that's at least watchable.
Unfortunately, there seems to be this distorted view within a lot of directorial circles that (HIGH PROFILE STORY or STORY WITH STRONG FAN BASE) + ACKNOWLEDGED STARS = GUARANTEED SUCCESS. I present as proof of this misguided belief Gigli, Bloodrayne, and Battlefield: Earth to name a few.
Hey, Boll, don't let the gamepad hit you in the ass on the way out.
Re:Whoa ... wait a minute... (Score:2, Insightful)
Boll claims in the article that the reason his films suck is because the material is so shallow. It would be great if some independent film maker could prove him wrong by making a film that's dramatically better using the same material.
Perhaps this has already been done? Anybody know of some independent filming attempt
Re:Whoa ... wait a minute... (Score:1)
Re:Whoa ... wait a minute... (Score:1, Informative)
Sorry, but I don't buy that at all! Lame excuse. (Score:5, Insightful)
There is a lot that could have done with, for example, Bloodrayne. The background on her character - half-human, half-vampire - is great fodder for some interesting character development. Note that in most sci-fi shows, characters of mixed races are the ones that often get the most intersting character arcs. Look at Spock, Troi, and Seven of Nine in the "Star Trek" series and how they often ran into problems with being a mixed race, whether that's from biological issues, prejudice, or something else. (Okay, Seven wasn't quite a mixed race, but you get the idea.) Rayne could have had a very interesting character arc in the hands of a good writer, which Bloodrayne: The Movie did not have.
Her vengeance against those who murdered her mother certainly could have been expanded to involve some interesting twists and turns, particularly with the Nazi-era background of the original Bloodrayne. Exactly how did her mother die? Murder? Consequence of being raped by a vampire? How did Rayne find out who was responsible? Was her mother's murder really what triggered her rage against fellow dhampirs or is there some long-forgotten memory that is subconsciously driving her? Add a bit of "Indiana Jones"-style action and the Bloodrayne movie could have been very well done.
Instead, we get a piece of schlock that was nothing more than the Bloodrayne name and blades with some blood and guts. Oh, and a very-easy-on-the-eyes babe. Hey, is that Ben Kingsley? That Ghandi guy? Well, that certainly gives the movie credibility! (Not.) It was poorly written, poorly directed, and poorly thought out.
The fact that its source was a video game cannot be more irrelevant.
"shallowness" is a strength (Score:2)
Re:Whoa ... wait a minute... (Score:2)
Making a good movie out of a video game and making a good video game out of a movie is difficult (as has been proven often enough), since the two are so damn different things.
Porn? (Score:2)
Hey, I liked Battlefield Earth... (Score:1)
Aside from his mother, I mean.
Whatever you say Mr Boll (Score:5, Funny)
Actually, we are bashing you because "you make it happen". Praise the lord that you are giving up on video game franchises.
Dungeon Seige (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:Dungeon Seige (Score:1)
He is truly a master alchemist. Take an awesome premise, add cool actors, and VOILA! - Another completely flushable turd. Damn you for ruining so many great gaming memories with your pathetic directorial vision.
Re:Dungeon Seige (Score:2)
That's awesome!
Re:Dungeon Seige (Score:2)
And what's your beef (pun intended) with Zombie Ninjas? We've had Smart Zombies before. Consider them intelligently designed zombies...
Re:Dungeon Seige (Score:3, Funny)
Besides, pirates > ninjas any day.
Re:Dungeon Seige-Roasting Marshmellows. (Score:2)
Slither looks like it will be a great campy horror film.
Uwe Boll sucks (Score:5, Interesting)
House of the Dead the game was about a HOUSE infested with zombies, and some detective type people going in and shooting zombies - not a great or original premise, but that's the game. That's what he should have worked around to create a better plot. House of the Dead the movie, though, was about a bunch of college kids who go to a rave on an island with zombies. How is that anything like the slim plot that was already in the game?
Alone in the Dark the game had a similar plot to House of the Dead in that there's a HOUSE and there's zombies - except this one had more potential to make a decent horror film, as even the name implies. But, Uwe Boll again scrapped everything that made the game what it was - except for zombies and monsters, and he made it into more of an action film.
In the interview, Uwe Boll complains that games aren't known for their stories anyway. Maybe he should play them once in awhile instead of hunting for the cheapest license he could sink his fangs into. Maybe get a license for Grim Fandango, or Beyond Good and Evil, or Pandora Directive, or Gabriel Knight instead of some mindless shooter, and he'll have more material to work off of. However, as his history has shown to not follow the source material at all (however slim that material may be), I wouldn't trust him with those licenses either.
If someone took Harry Potter and turned it into a teen comedy road picture taking place in the US, people would be pissed. So Boll shouldn't be surprised that fans are pissed that he doesn't stay true to his source material.
Re:Uwe Boll sucks (Score:2)
He'll go through entire teams of writers until they take his crappy advice on the script. There's a site about his firing of the writing team from House of the Dead and how he treated them floating around somewhere, check it out.
Re:Uwe Boll sucks (Score:1)
No, in the name of all that is good and holy, no. Those are good games with good story lines and I hope to god if anyone ever gets the movie rights to them it's someone who will do them justice.
Re:Uwe Boll sucks (Score:2)
No, game movie makers suck (Score:3, Insightful)
The problem is that none of the movie makers seem capable of respecting the source material. Doom is of course the worst offender. Doom the game had three elements and the movie had none of them. It has already been discussed enough but it is true f
Resident Evil 2 (Score:1)
I saw Resident Evil 2 in the theaters. I thought it was good for what it was: cheesy fun. The acting was good. I liked the cinematics (atmosphere, lighting, etc). Most importantly, I was entertained. I didn't go in expecting a masterpiece.
So I watched the trailer for Dungeon Siege [joystiq.com] that somebody else kindly posted, and it looked bloody awful. Nothing screams desperation lik
This guy sucks ass!!! (Score:1)
Re:This guy sucks ass!!! (Score:2)
Don't Taunt Happy Fun Boll (Score:2, Funny)
Karma burn topic :P (Score:2)
ASSUME for a minute you have no idea who this "Uwe Boll" guy is or what he did, and also ASSUME for a few more minutes you never played any of the videogames he made into movies.
Now the fun part starts.
First, look at the budgets of his movies. And what actors played (so how much money went into the actual movie as opposed to payroll). And who the heck wrote the scripts.
Take a peek at how (many) other movies with t
Re:Karma burn topic :P (Score:2)
But, Doom actually TRIED... (Score:5, Insightful)
But it still took place on Phobos, still got in shots of all the required guns and enemies STRAIGHT FROM THE GAME, and even had an ENTIRE SUBPLOT revolve around Sarge's search for the BFG-9000. There were plenty of in-jokes for fans, like Karl Urban's character being named John, a dead scientist named Carmack, and Rock's utterance of the three words we were all waiting to hear once he found the BFG - the computer monitor might call it the Bio Force Gun, but we at least got to HEAR it get called the Big Fucking Gun.
On top of that, I remember reading in an interview with someone from ID that the producers actually used art design from Doom 3 as a basis for the set design. You know what? It shows. The overhead lighting above doors, the fonts, everything seems ripped out of the game and come to life on screen - which is the WAY IT SHOULD BE.
Was Doom high art? No. But it was awesome, awesome Nerd Porn, which is exactly what a good video game movie SHOULD be, and my friends and I had a great time sitting in the theater picking out all the references to the game we know and love. Boll has yet to accomplish this.
Re:But, Doom actually TRIED... (Score:2)
That sums up the majority of most anti-Uwe Boll sentiment. Gamers don't care if 'they don't get it right'. They just care if they actually TRY. Case in point : Final Fantasy The Spirits Within. Where were the swords? The chocobos? The magic? Bahamut? Cid? Moogles? Spirits that travelled on a meteor?! A giant orbital space cannon?!? Way to throw out almost a decade worth of usuable content and come up with some entirely new B.S.
Love it or hate it,
Re:But, Doom actually TRIED... (Score:1)
Unfortunately (obviously), that's because he had absolutely nothing to do with it [imdb.com].
Re:Karma burn topic :P (Score:1)
I haven't seen Uwe Boll's movies, or even played the games they're based on. I have played Doom, though not seen the movie.
IMHO, there are only two requirements for a Doom movie:
The rest is negotiable. These two things leave a lot of room for any good horror writer to work with. With the right writer, it might even have a deep, engaging story to make it worthwhile aside from the scary parts, but I'm not going to demand that
Re:Karma burn topic :P (Score:2)
What part of "Alone in the Dark", just the title, didn't he get..
Alone: No.. a heavy commando of 20 soldiers does not even remotely look like "Alone".
Dark: Not bright. Sunless. At least cloudy or sometimes underground. Cold, damn crypt or something.
Put them together. Alone in the Dark.
It's an insult.
And I take it personally.
Cthulhu fhtagn.
To put it another way... (Score:4, Funny)
Wait, I haven't seen House of the Dead, but is he saying that it was ten times worse than Blood Rayne!? That seems pretty implausible. I mean, it seems like "I'd rather gauge my eyes out with dirty shrimp forks than see this movie again" would be fairly close to the bottom of the scale.
the truth about Uwe Boll: bad on purpose (Score:2, Interesting)
Re:the truth about Uwe Boll: bad on purpose (Score:1)
Sequels (Score:1)
FarCry (Score:1)
Re:FarCry (Score:1)
Re:FarCry (Score:2)
The FarCry screenplay should be written by the Penny Arcade folks. After I've read their FarCry promo comic I'm positive that it'd better movie material than what Boll is/will be using.
Uhm, what? (Score:2)
Course he does. "Before they judge, they should see the film, that's the first thing. Second, they should really try to compare it fairly, and not based on my name.
"If people really think I'm completely talentless, and this is to journalists, they should at least rent one of my earlier movies, like Heart of America, which is a really, really good movie.
"And then they should say, 'Okay, this is the history of this director, we should judge him based on this.' They shoul
Re:Uhm, what? (Score:2)
No place to hide - no place for Uwe Boll (Score:2)
http://corral.elrellano.com/ [elrellano.com]
Mr. Boll even has a small cameo at the end. (In the english version at least.)
(The special effects are made by the same guy who made the Nintendo ON fan movie a while ago.)
Man.. (Score:2)
Telling statement (Score:2)
Oh, I'll write it, I'll write it! I may even believe it.
But if you're aiming to be better than Underworld 2, the sequel to a movie about ass-kicking vampires fighting ass-kicking werewolves in which at the end there's an ass-kicking half-vampire half-werewolf, then it's like figuring you're damned already but you can at least try to get sent to the fourth level of hell ins
Finally! (Score:1)
Sounds famliar... (Score:1)
10 X 0 = 0 (Score:1)
Psst... 10 times 0 is still 0...
What about the critics? (Score:1)
Bad Director Throws Fit, Still Bad Afterward (Score:1)
Where to start...
Ok first you took one of the most treasured PC games of all time, the Lovecraftian inspired Alone in the Dark, sets in in modern times and puts Tara Reid in it. I could honsestly care less about Dungeon Siege or Bloodrayne or House of the Dead, those games had little to no plot or atmosphere to them, but the steaming turd he made of AiTD is unforgivable. Movies based on video games have always been weak, but Boll has compined that with a budget movie menta
Postal? POSTAL?!!?!? (Score:2)
And I loved playing Postal and postal 2.
Has Uwe Bol ever played any of these games? Who directed the Doom movie BTW? I just saw it last night (Netflix) and it sucked.