Can You Handle 'THEY'? 100
In a refreshing turn, over at Newsweek's LevelUp blog N'Gai has some suitably chastising commentary on the newly-announced FPS entitled simply THEY. This overly-simplistic name is accompanied by a nearly informationless press release, and reinforces the idea that whatever THEY is, it's not worth looking into. "Generally, the role of a press release is to inform. But having read the THEY press release, all we've taken away from it is hyperbole and buzzwords, assembled Mad Libs-style for maximum unintended hilarity. What is THEY? Apparently, THEY is a 'next generation mystery first person shooter for PC and next generation consoles.' Who are THEY, you ask? ''THEY' are huge--'THEY' are different--'THEY' are hostile!' How good will THEY be? It's 'so mysterious, so stunning and so amazing--that 'THEY' might become one of the most anticipated world premiere titles from this year's Games Convention!'"
Where did I hear that before... SEGWAY (Score:3, Funny)
Turned out to be a joke THEY called Segway.
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At one point, Segway specific denied that they had teleportation.
Now, I doubt that anyone seriously believed they had teleportation, but there was so much publicity that someone actually asked them about it.
In other words, they were putting out enough moronic doubletalking hype that intelligent people were thinking maybe they had really done a major breakthrough and could do something like a jetpack.
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No, They patented ground-effect lighting. (Score:2)
I remember him from an NPR interview. [npr.org]
From the makers of... (Score:5, Funny)
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"He'll tell us what to do!"
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I found this [stlyrics.com] but there is little info aside from saying it's a song
Giant fighting machines with funnels...
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-2 to the mod who missed the reference.
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-2 to the mod who missed the reference.
Here, I dug up the fucking link and I still don't get the reference. This is like one of those internet memes, only not funny.
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gabbo [wikipedia.org]
Features? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Features? (Score:5, Funny)
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If anyone brags about banging Charlene, I'm outt'a here.
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Re:Features? (Score:5, Funny)
My BFG is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
My BFG, without me, is useless. Without my BFG, I am useless. I must fire my BFG true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will...
My BFG and myself know that what counts in this war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, nor the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit...
My BFG is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strengths, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes and my heart against damage. I will keep my BFG clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...
Before God, I swear this creed. My BFG and myself are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life...
So be it, until victory is humanity's and there is no enemy, but peace!
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This is my weapon.
This is my gun.
This is for fighting.
This is for fun.
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This is my rifle.
This is my gun.
You missed the whole point of the drill, which is to pick up the correct and precise designations of the equipment and armament, which is essential for efficient, terse and comprehensive communication in the battle, without too much explaining (like this) over the channel. "Gun" can mean a lot of things, from pistol to cannon and that much ambiguity is unacceptable in armed forces communications. Rifle, OTOH, is a firearm with long, rifled barrel, basic infantry w
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Birds and the Guns (Score:1)
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Ahem....allow me to explain, as succinctly as possible:
"This is MY BOOM STICK!!"...and..."It's pump action for a reason, baby".
Actually, not a frigging clue, and don't wanna know because then someone would have to explain squibs and
feed jams and using that wire brush (SHUDDER!)...no, not gonna go there.
OB Firefly quote (Score:2)
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[At the end of the game]
Crow T. Robot: Well, a good thing about the game was it wasn't any longer.
Joel: And a bad thing?
Crow T. Robot: It was this long.
No (Score:1, Funny)
Another movie license game? (Score:3, Informative)
Is the game They based at all on the 2002 horror film titled They [imdb.com]?
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Re:Another movie license game? (Score:4, Interesting)
Production Costs $17 million
Theatrical Gross $13 million
Amazon.com Sales Rank: #43,832 in DVD
a low budget, high-concept, Lovecraftian horror flick that still managed to lose money.
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THEY were going to, but unfortunately, THEY ran out of bubblegum...
(If you don't get the reference, watch the movie.)
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oh heck - **** spoiler ****
Duke Nukem (Duke):
It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and I'm all outta gum!
They Live (Nada/"Rowdy" Roddy Piper):
I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubblegum.
esquire - heh, probably not as in lawyer (as commonly used in the US)...
Marketing: Salaried Intoxication (Score:2, Funny)
Nothing to see here (Score:5, Insightful)
I already know there is lots of useless crap in the world that I'm not interested in. Tell me about things that ARE interesting.
--Q
As the web-banner already says... (Score:2)
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I already know there is lots of useless crap in the world that I'm not interested in. Tell me about things that ARE interesting.
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Well, yes and no (Score:3, Interesting)
Yes in that indeed it doesn't actually tell you anything that you'd base a buying decision on.
No, in that it's another somewhat comical (and somewhat sad) example of bad marketing and press releases that sound like they were generated by the Dilbert Mission Statement Generator, or a variant thereof. You know, the stuff that we all like to make fun of.
And it also shows at least one reaction to such crap, and it's not a positive one. It turns out that there _is_ such thing as bad publicity.
It
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Hopefully it may yet entertain you, my liege...
A company is spending lots of money in order to tell people about their product, but when they pull in a willing audience who actually pays attention to the advertisement, the audience still has no clue as to what is being talked about? They're spending time, energy, money, (all valuable), in actually convincing the public that, as a company, they don't even know how to do business? How does this instill confidence
Kill Bugs! Kill Bugs! Kill More Bugs! (Score:2)
From the pictures, it looks vaguely like Starship Troopers. "The only good Bug is a dead Bug".
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And then... (Score:5, Funny)
From the ALL CAPS Department (Score:3, Funny)
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wow (Score:1)
Vaporware (Score:2, Insightful)
Loving your weapons (Score:2, Funny)
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So did Daikatana, didn't they?
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Dude, the question isn't whether exposure is good and bad, but whether you get the kind of PR you actually want. Exposure is only good when it doesn't cause you lost sales in the process.
Bad exposure is damn easy to get. Just do something extremely stupid, or have your product fail in a sp
Next generation consoles? Wow... (Score:2)
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Wrong. Nintendo's next game console will clearly be called "Biiver".
Acronyms (Score:1)
Even the name was an elaborate cover-up designed to deceive the public. It was an acronym; I think the "Y" stood for "Yodelers".
Sigh... (Score:5, Interesting)
Platforms: PC & next generation console
Release date: 2008/2009
Genre: First person mystery shooter
Scenario: Near Future
* next generation 3D engine
* unique weapon system that makes you "love" your weapons
* mysterious science fiction background story
* diversified enemies--thrilling and intelligent
* heroes to identify with
* heavy usage of physics
* destructible environment relevant for gameplay
* haunting single player mode
* versatile multiplayer modes
Honestly, this pretentious crap needs to end. This doesn't make me want to purchase or play the game. Sure it's an announcement but honestly, every single buzzword is touted for every FPS game when they come out. Besides, it looks like a third-grader wrote this for a book report and copied the box on game. It provides just enough information to sound real but not enough to be useful, like this up and coming game from downtown ATL.
Platforms: PC & next generation console
Release date: 2008/2009
Genre: First person strategy thriller
Scenario: Present Time
* next generation 3D engine
* unique tactics system that makes you "love" planning
* politically-charged background story
* diversified citizens--pissed off and delayed
* support characters with realistic backgrounds
* mild usage of physics
* adaptive environment relevant for gameplay
* intellectually challenging single player mode
* variety of multiplayer modes
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Apart from your comment being filled with truth, it also managed to make me nearly fall from my chair in laughter. Nice satire, thumbs up
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I find it's ok to "love" your weapons, but not to love your weapons. Maintain some distance, you know.
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But I wonder when "geeks" are so hostile towards any tech company, game related especially, without that multi-million dollar veneer. It's not until an "indie" gets published by Sony does it become hip enough to look into (Guitar Hero, Katamari, etc)
I'm hostile because I would love to see information on this game instead of a bullshit promo. There is no useful information in this game description. I know it's an introduction to a concept but their approach is far too pretentious for me at this point. I want more information than a marketing profile... give me information that I can actually get interested in... more than a promo and two pictures (one is a conceptual picture)
Your earlier comments share my perspective as well. My point is simple: giv
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Shooting Aliens... with paintball guns? (Score:2)
Ironically (Score:3, Interesting)
1-18-08 (Score:2, Insightful)
Maybe They (Newsweek) just don't *get it*.
In Soviet Russia (Score:3, Funny)
just to get that out of the way. And for once, the grammar nazis won't even wince.
Obligatory 80's reference. (Score:4, Funny)
The might be giants?
So (Score:2)
Yes, but will THEY buy the game? (Score:2)
THEY did not say.
THEY (Score:1)
what they mean (Score:1, Funny)
Title: THEY = hey, naming a game FEAR was a good idea, let's do something similar!
Release date: 2008/2009 = 2009/2010/2011/2012/...
Genre: First person mystery shooter = what was I saying about FEAR?
Scenario: Near Future = either that or WWII
* next generation 3D engine = ooooh, shiny screenshots
* unique weapon system that makes you "love" your weapons =
* mysterious science fiction background story = [unable to translate, gibberish]
* diversified enemies--thril
Obnoxious viral ad campaign (Score:2)
...So in other words it's an obnoxious viral advertising campaign, and you're falling right into it.
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But always remember: Nothing is as it seems! (Score:1)
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It worked (Score:1)
Then again... (Score:2)
Then again, it might not.
Is John Romero working on this? (Score:1)
THEY killed Kenny (Score:1)
"THEY're bastards. THEY killed Kenny"