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It's funny. Laugh. Media Movies Entertainment Games

Blizzard to Boll - DENIED! 289

Posted by timothy from the no-cheese-for-you dept.
Drathos writes "From MTV Movies Blog by way of WoW Insider: Everyone's least favorite director, Uwe Boll approached Blizzard about making a World of Warcraft movie. Their response? "We will not sell the movie rights, not to you ... especially not to you.""
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Blizzard to Boll - DENIED! More

Blizzard to Boll - DENIED!

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  • WoW Movie (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Obsi ( 912791 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @08:38AM (#23157264)
    Why couldn't Peter Jackson and some of Blizzard's cinematics team get together on it? I mean, Jackson DID take a large, well fleshed out world and adapt it to screen with AWESOME results.

    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by Serenissima ( 1210562 )
      He definitely did a decent job. I wouldn't go so far as saying it was an "AWESOME" job. It had good actors, great special effect, and story line hacked apart like a Hannibal Lector movie.

      • Re:WoW Movie (Score:5, Insightful)

        by Cornflake917 ( 515940 ) * on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @10:28AM (#23158962) Homepage
        The GP didn't say Jackson did an "AWESOME" job, he said that the results were awesome, which is hard to argue considering the success of the films.

        However, I think he did a great job. Look at any book-to-movie adaption, aside from movies based off books that read like a movie, the movies always fail to capture everything from the book. Given the herculean task of moving the trilogy to less than 10 hours of film, I don't think anyone could have done a better job. Yes, there were some important parts missing but unless you enjoy sitting down for 5 hours straight (I don't), something had to be cut.

        • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

          by Anonymous Coward

          [...] unless you enjoy sitting down for 5 hours straight (I don't), something had to be cut.

          I'm in a wheelchair, you insensitive clod!

        • Re: (Score:2, Interesting)

          by Serenissima ( 1210562 )
          I definitely agree. There was a lot of superfluous stuff that wasn't necessary to the movie. I don't have a problem with the removal of stuff; I just don't like it when stuff is changed that doesn't need to be changed. I loved the first movie. There were a couple changes that I didn't think were necessary but didn't detract from the overall plot. And then I watched the second movie. Faramir capturing the Hobbits to bring them to Gondor, the elves coming to Helm's Deep, etc. I remember watching that movie an

          • Re:WoW Movie (Score:4, Funny)

            by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @01:33PM (#23161708)

            ...and straight-out changed things that were completely contrary to what actually happened.
            ummm...you realize that orcs are fake and that none of that ever happened right?

        • Re:WoW Movie (Score:4, Insightful)

          by Raul654 ( 453029 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @11:12AM (#23159566) Homepage
          "Look at any book-to-movie adaption, aside from movies based off books that read like a movie, the movies always fail to capture everything from the book." - this is a textbook example of a No true Scotsman argument [wikipedia.org].

        • Re:WoW Movie (Score:5, Funny)

          by Dr. Cody ( 554864 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @11:28AM (#23159810)

          Yes, there were some important parts missing but unless you enjoy sitting down for 5 hours straight (I don't), something had to be cut.
          In regards to a WoW film, I think you may be on to something.

        • Re:WoW Movie (Score:5, Insightful)

          by mdarksbane ( 587589 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @01:20PM (#23161498)
          I think most complaints I've heard have been less about cuts than about pointless, damaging changes or additions.

          There are probably 15-30 minutes of changed or added scenes in both Two Towers and Return of the King that changed characters and took up time that could have been either a) made the movies shorter and more palatable or b) been used to include more of the good stuff from the book.

          I think overall he did a great job of capturing the look of the whole thing, and a decent job of capturing the main thrust of most of the characters - but some of the changes just kind of.. sucked, from a logical standpoint. Not to mention the character assassination on Faramir.
    • Well, he (actually not him, the graphics effects people) did make it very pretty, but my overall level of excitement from the movie is pretty low. There was a lot of parts that just really dragged on.

      • Re:WoW Movie (Score:5, Funny)

        by Culture20 ( 968837 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @09:19AM (#23157890)

        There was a lot of parts that just really dragged on.
        And a WoW movie will be different how? Grind, grind, grind. Grind, grind, grind. Raid! Grind, grind, grind.

        • Re: (Score:2, Interesting)

          by Impy the Impiuos Imp ( 442658 )
          Worse, who wants to go see a movie where someone like Legolas has to shoot 200 arrows into an orc before it dies? Or Strider has to hit a goblin with his sword 300 times before it dies?

          These aren't weapons. They're Nerf products!

          Envision Frodo's spider scene. Now imagine the spider doesn't actually try to wrap him in webs, but just kind of barks at him. I've yet to see a game that actually has spiders fight the way a spider would, wrapping people up.

        • Re:WoW Movie (Score:4, Funny)

          by Trent Hawkins ( 1093109 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @10:21AM (#23158874)

          And a WoW movie will be different how? Grind, grind, grind. Grind, grind, grind. Raid! Grind, grind, grind.
          In movies it's called a montage [youtube.com]

        • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

          by markov_chain ( 202465 )
          Well, presumably with Jackson it *would* be different. Boll, on the other hand, would faithfully reproduce what you said--just look at his other FPS movies.

          *run around in the dark*
          *shoot a bunch of monsters*
          *run around more*
          *shoot more monsters*
          etc.

        • Re: (Score:2, Funny)

          by Anonymous Coward
          When the movie does (not if) come I'm hoping they base it on a PvP realm. So as our hero is grinding he gets jumped by 5 angry members of the opposing faction and just fucking dies.

          This should also happen every ten minutes or so.

        • Re: (Score:2, Interesting)

          by SL Baur ( 19540 )
          The grinding sequence was done really well by the Southpark guys.

          I'd love to see a WoW movie that is up to Blizzard standards. I like the trailers they've made.

      • Re: (Score:2, Funny)

        by Anonymous Coward
        ...and people say the movies weren't true to the books.

      • Re:WoW Movie (Score:5, Funny)

        by Impy the Impiuos Imp ( 442658 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @10:11AM (#23158712) Journal
        > Well, he (actually not him, the graphics effects people) did make [LotR] very pretty,
        > but my overall level of excitement from the movie is pretty low. There was a lot
        > of parts that just really dragged on.

        So it was a very faithful reproduction of the books, then!
      • Any of you seen "Bad Taste?" :)

    • Re:WoW Movie (Score:5, Interesting)

      by Xest ( 935314 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @09:01AM (#23157608)
      I have to agree in a way, I've always liked the Warcraft series games and have always felt Warcraft III had one of the best storylines of any game I'd played.

      I'd honestly rather see Blizzards people do the majority of the work as I honestly think they could do an as good if not better than job than Hollywood could. If it was animated I doubt they'd need much outside help, if not then primarily they'd just need actors and costumes people - certainly I don't believe they'd need any effects people or writers.

      There are differences between film and game storyline creation certainly, but I think they could probably do it, certainly as you say with the help of a "game-friendly" director such as Jackson rather than someone whose about as good with the difference between films and games as Boll.

      • if not then primarily they'd just need actors and costumes people
        I can't imagine a WoW movie NOT being CG...

      • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

        by techpawn ( 969834 )

        I'd honestly rather see Blizzards people do the majority of the work as I honestly think they could do an as good if not better than job than Hollywood could.
        Yes, because we all saw how well that worked for Square/Enix...

      • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

        by Rayonic ( 462789 )
        There's an ongoing meme that WoW is "using up" lore created from previous Warcraft games. And I'd have to say that this is true to an extent. We seem to be systematically killing all major lore villains, or helping the good ones resolve pre-existing plotlines.

        Of course, WoW has come up with a lot of great original material. New villains/factions/etc. But we usually end up killing them also.

        I can see WoW going on for a few more expansions, but after a certain point it'll get silly. Didn't Blizzard origi

    • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

      by bukowski01 ( 901465 )
      Blizzard is already in the process of making a movie. In fact they have already snagged the studio that did 300 for the filming.
    • I hope you weren't talking about King King.

    • Re:WoW Movie (Score:5, Funny)

      by Wreckdom ( 1263852 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @12:08PM (#23160390)
      As a former WoW (Horde) gamer I can see two kinds of responses to a WoW movie: 1) People who don't care. 2) People who are too hooked on Wow to care.

    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by Rorschach1 ( 174480 )
      I think the real problem here is that no big-screen movie treatment could possibly do justice to the actual WoW experience in the same way that South Park did.

    • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

      by Kokuyo ( 549451 )
      Indeed, it takes a pure genious to make exciting films out of that kind of base material. How he managed to make people actually stay in the theaters for over thirty minutes when the story actually revolved around something Tolkien has written will forever remain a mystery to me.

      Now do proceed marking me Troll, I don't care. I'll stand by my opinion that from a literary point of view, Tolkien's written garbage. While the guy did a fabulous job 'inventing' whole races and languages and so forth, the writing

  • a shame (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @08:39AM (#23157272)
    That's a shame, because if there's someone who could capture the sheer mundacity of WoW, I think it would be Boll.

    • Re:a shame (Score:5, Insightful)

      by Wylfing ( 144940 ) <brian@nOspAm.wylfing.net> on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @10:16AM (#23158782) Homepage Journal

      Fade in to a low fly-by of a dwarf on griffin-back swooping over the trees of Winterspring. Cut to three adventurers (a human warrior with impossibly enormous shoulder guards, a female night elf with thigh-high boots and no pants encircled by a shimmering bubble, and a goatee-sporting gnome shifting back and forth with two giant-sized red-hot-glowing maces in his hands) on the ground looking up at the passing griffin rider. The camera swings to track the speeding flyer. Cut to an absurdly massive axe, crackling with electrical energy, cleaving the head of a white furbolg.

      HUMAN - Pile those corpses high, Ihealuloolzzz. Lilkneestaßßer needs that agility enchantment, and those greedy beasts in Timbermaw Hold won't give it to us unless we kill enough of their enemies!

      IHEALULOOLZZZ - By the light of Elune, Tànkérlordd, it shall be done!

      LILKNEESTAßßER - Off and away!

      Cut to 9-minute montage of our heroic trio slaying thousands upon thousands of furbolgs. Intersperse clips of them ripping beaded necklaces from their slain foes, and other clips showing them spilling gold-bound chests full of these necklaces onto the floor in front of the Timbermaw denizens. Over the course of the montage, we repeatedly see the face of an important-looking Timbermaw shaman. At first the face is frowny and angry, but over time it appears friendlier and friendlier.

  • May I proudly proclaim... (Score:5, Funny)

    by dintech ( 998802 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @08:40AM (#23157280)
    Woohoo! This is a proud day for both gaming and movie making.

  • I dunno... (Score:5, Funny)

    by d3ac0n ( 715594 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @08:42AM (#23157318)
    It can't be any worse than the WOW Pr0n I found on Pirate Bay recently.

    Pr0n chicks in green and blue body-paint with fake elf-ears and horns.

    Not nearly as hot as you would think it is. :(

    • Re:I dunno... (Score:5, Funny)

      by Dancindan84 ( 1056246 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @08:57AM (#23157554)

      Pr0n chicks in green and blue body-paint with fake elf-ears and horns.

      Not nearly as hot as you would think it is. :(
      Consult a doctor immediately. The kind with the couch.

      • Re: (Score:2, Funny)

        by Anonymous Coward

        Pr0n chicks in green and blue body-paint with fake elf-ears and horns.

        Not nearly as hot as you would think it is. :(
        Consult a doctor immediately. The kind with the couch.
        And have sex with them on it?

      • Re: (Score:2)

        by Achoi77 ( 669484 )

        Pr0n chicks in green and blue body-paint with fake elf-ears and horns. Not nearly as hot as you would think it is. :(
        Consult a doctor immediately. The kind with the couch.
        Yes, there is clearly something wrong when you don't consider chicks in green and blue body-paint with fake elf-ears and horns HOT.

  • Come on, let's deal with this once and for all (Score:5, Informative)

    by Ecuador ( 740021 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @08:46AM (#23157368) Homepage
    We are still almost 800k signatures short. Guys, just sign the petition [petitiononline.com] and the nightmare will be over. (In case you missed it, Uwe said he will stop if 1 Million people ask him to.)

    • Re:Come on, let's deal with this once and for all (Score:4, Funny)

      by Scutter ( 18425 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @08:59AM (#23157584) Journal
      Based on his open responses to the community, if you really think a petition will make him stop then I have this lovely bridge I'd like to sell you...

      • Re: (Score:2)

        by Bodrius ( 191265 )
        I'd agree if it were completely up to him, but movies do need money to be made.

        It's very different to say "hardcore gamers don't like this director so much" vs "one million viewers signed a petition asking to get him out of the business because his movies were so bad".

        The (legitimate) response to the first is 'Who cares?'. The response to the latter would be 'OK, who's the next director on the list? Can I give my money to anyone without a signed 'you suck' declaration by 1 million viewers?'.

        Or, if they're c

    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      by loafula ( 1080631 )
      I'm not a fan of the man, in fact I haven't seen a single one of his movies. I think the idea of this petition, though, is childish. If you have a problem with his films, don't watch them. I would mod you down if I had the points.

      • Re: (Score:2)

        by 3vi1 ( 544505 )
        You don't get it: Now that he's made a (very crappy) movie for each of the franchises he's touched, there's no hope that anyone else is *ever* going to make a movie for that franchise again.

        If he would stop making movies, we'd see fewer video-game related movies, but they'd almost certainly be of higher quality. Avoiding movies he's directed is not enough: he's turning the whole genre into a laughing stock.

    • Fool! It's a trap! (Score:5, Insightful)

      by SatanicPuppy ( 611928 ) * <Satanicpuppy@nosPAm.gmail.com> on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @09:07AM (#23157698) Journal
      You're proving to the producers that 1,000,000 people know who he is...and care. That tells the money guys that giving him a pile of cash and the rights to a some beloved IP will capture the attention of 1,000,000 people at a minimum.

      Seriously, the best thing you could have done was start a petition and have like 3 people sign it. I would show the people in charge that no one cares about him.
      • Seriously, the best thing you could have done was start a petition and have like 3 people sign it. I would show the people in charge that no one cares about him.

        OK, that part's done. Now what?

        • No, it's not. He can take that petition with 8 hundred thousand signatures with him to his next movie pitch, and say, "Do you really think no one cares about my movies?"

          The only people who drop out of sight in the movie biz are the people that no-one cares about one way or the other. 20 years from now people will still be watching his movies for their awfullness, and famous talented actors will be doing the story of his life in movie form a la Ed Wood [imdb.com].
      • Soon I'll have this great list of 1 million names and email addresses I'd like to sell to any interested spammers.

    • In a purely hypothetical case... (Score:5, Funny)

      by Cadallin ( 863437 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @09:37AM (#23158194)
      Wouldn't it be easier to just shoot him in the head?

      Not that I'm suggesting anyone should. Just y'know, it'd be a lot more expedient than a petition.

    • the first rule of public relations is that there is no such thing as bad publicity. if you get your name out there, you can do something to cash in on that fame and/ or notoriety. a million signatures merely means a million people not only know who the guy is, but are actually passionate enough to go to a website and register their disgust for him

      thus ensuring you will hear about uwe boll again and again forever

      the only way you will ensure you will never hear of use boll again is to not mention him. btw, a front page slashdot story, unfortuantely, extends uwe boll's shelflife

      love is basically the same as hate when it comes to garnishering attention. just ask any troll. the only way to defeat a real life troll like boll, just like online, is to IGNORE them. if you give them attention, they win

      so any stupid petition ensures boll lives on and on. is that what you want?
      • While I suspect that, yes, Boll would probably love it to have a million people hate him...

        It's still worth a shot. Mostly because ignoring him won't make him go away, but a million signatures would at least make him a liar if he didn't.
      • Yeah look how it worked for Michael Bay.
    • I don't think you could find a million people who have even heard the name Uwe Boll, nevermind know who he really is. The best you'll get out of most people is, "Oh, he's that guy who did that one crappy movie?"

  • I love Uwe (Score:3, Insightful)

    by elrous0 ( 869638 ) * on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @08:51AM (#23157454)
    There I said it. I'm a huge film fan, and yes his movies are schlocky. But they're not meant to be serious cinema, just a little fun. Plus the guy is just a great character to have around. He openly insults other directors and movies (his recent take on the new Indiana Jones movies was dead-on, BTW), challenges critics to boxing matches, and is generally thrilled to be the director-you-love-to-hate. Personally, I think the guy is a genius.

    And, being a big fan of the Postal videogame series, I think he is the PERFECT director to bring its warped sense-of-humor to the screen. I look forward to seeing the end result.

    • Re:I love Uwe (Score:5, Insightful)

      by IndustrialComplex ( 975015 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @09:05AM (#23157662)

      There I said it. I'm a huge film fan, and yes his movies are schlocky. But they're not meant to be serious cinema, just a little fun. Plus the guy is just a great character to have around. He openly insults other directors and movies (his recent take on the new Indiana Jones movies was dead-on, BTW), challenges critics to boxing matches, and is generally thrilled to be the director-you-love-to-hate. Personally, I think the guy is a genius.

      And, being a big fan of the Postal videogame series, I think he is the PERFECT director to bring its warped sense-of-humor to the screen. I look forward to seeing the end result.


      Uwe Boll has a Slashdot account?

      Now, here is the serious response. You credit Boll with openly criticizing... wait, you said insult, not critique. Insults other directors, resorts to basic animal reactions in response to critique, and takes pride that he is viewed as the worst possible thing that can happen to a story you enjoy.

      The man isn't a director, he reminds me of an online griefer. If Uwe Boll was his nom-de-plume then I'd think he fell victim to the formula, Anonymity + Audience = Total Ass (to paraphrase for work audiences).

      The man is a walking tax writeoff for movie studios.

      • Re: (Score:2, Troll)

        by elrous0 ( 869638 ) *
        His movies are nowhere NEAR as bad as they're made out to be, even taken at face value. The dialogue is usually a little hokey, with some bad casting and cheap FX, but they're not even close to the worst stuff out there. If you want to see TRULY bad filmmaking, check out just about any Sci-fi channel original movie (with the NOTABLE exception of the brilliant Battlestar Galactica remake). At worst, Uwe's films are mediocre. But they're also, by and large, pretty fun and delightfully tongue-in-cheek.

        For ex

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by elrous0 ( 869638 ) *
      I give an honest opinion and get modded flamebait? So much for metamoderation.

    • Re:I love Uwe (Score:5, Insightful)

      by thebonafortuna ( 1050016 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @10:09AM (#23158678)
      Who modded this "Flamebait"?

      Note: Just because we don't agree, or disagree in the strongest terms possible, hardly means someone deserves to be punished for posting an honest, non-inflammatory, contradicting opinion.

      If you disagree, go ahead and do so in a constructive way - by posting an intelligent rebuttal. But if punishing someone for taste were allowed on /., the boards would degenerate into Mac vs. PC, Xbox vs. PS3, Red vs. Blue, reasoned vs. impertinent...oh wait.
  • I'm one of the few that doesn't play WoW, but I have a lot of respect for Blizzard's commitment to quality. They won't release a project they don't feel is up to their standards, and would rather take a huge loss than release a turd.

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by Creepy ( 93888 )
      and Uwe Boll has exactly the opposite incentive - if his movies lose money, he gets a tax shelter (though he has said he would like to see them do well), so it really is a conflict of interest.

  • Twisted logic gem (Score:5, Insightful)

    by mwvdlee ( 775178 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @09:03AM (#23157642) Homepage
    From the MTV blog:

    And to be honest, the real gamers are the typical download guys, right? They don't pay anything for movies, because they illegally download the movies. So why I should please these guys?

    If all these real gamers are the downloading guys, how come those games are sold so well that Uwe wants to license them?

    • If all these real gamers are the downloading guys, how come those games are sold so well that Uwe wants to license them?

      Warcraft 3 used a CD-key system, you could pirate the game but you'd never be able to play on Battle.net, a problem with a game that is so heavily multiplayer. World of Warcraft is a MMO, the game itself is chump-change compared to the subscription fee you have to pay to play it.

      In other words, the games sold well in part because Blizzard used tight enough DRM and authentication procedur

  • Sign the petition and he will quit. [petitiononline.com] (redundant I know)
  • Somewhere in the distance, the Warhammer Online team weeps gentle tears.

    M

  • I almost wish they would... (Score:5, Funny)

    by sTalking_Goat ( 670565 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @09:44AM (#23158312) Homepage
    Maybe the sheer horror of the experience would get some people to finally pull the WoW needle from their arms and I'd get some friends back.

  • For the Horde (Score:5, Funny)

    by Pojut ( 1027544 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @09:48AM (#23158378) Homepage
    The primary thing that pisses me off about the potential WoW movie is that from everything I have read, it looks like it's going to be told from the perspective of the Alliance.

    Come on. Everyone knows the Alliance is for pussies. And so are Blood Elves.

  • Nice headline (Score:5, Insightful)

    by DeepZenPill ( 585656 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @09:56AM (#23158504)
    ...where are we, Digg?
  • I had no idea who Uwe Boll is until I read this article. Thanks, Slashdot for wasting a few more of my brain cells (which are already in short supply).

  • Recurring Theme (Score:4, Informative)

    by stewbacca ( 1033764 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @11:00AM (#23159404)
    I sense a trend (from the Uwe Boll Wikipedia entry):

    When rumors surfaced that Boll had expressed interest in a Metal Gear Solid movie, and claimed to have been given a script to read, Metal Gear creator Hideo Kojima responded in his audioblog HIDECHAN, "Absolutely not! I don't know why Uwe Boll is even talking about this kind of thing. We've never talked to him. It's impossible that we'd ever do a movie with him."
  • ... why anyone should really care?

    How many people have seen the movies that he's made?

    How many additional people really would have gone to see "alone in the dark", or any of his other video game-based movies, even if it was done by a terrific director?

    In comparison, how many people really thought they wanted to see a movie based on a video game, and then skipped it only because he was associated with it?

  • Uwe Boll = Ed Wood. (Score:4, Insightful)

    by guidryp ( 702488 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @11:11AM (#23159540)
    I don't think Boll is any worse than a bunch of other anonymous directors turning out B movies. He just seem the most well known among them. This generations Ed Wood?

    I recently watched the Dungeon Siege movie. It was no worse than a bunch of other Fantasy B movies. The performances were often better than what George Lucas extracts from people. Can we go back in time and petition Lucas never direct again? Maybe everything after Empire Strikes Back wouldn't suck then.

    I don't get why people have against Boll. At least he never really ruined a good property. He makes B movies and you pretty much get what is expected.

    Boll the character is often more entertaining than his movies. His smack talking about his next movie, postal was hilarious...

    We may as well have Boll direct the low budget B movies, at least when we see his name, we will know what to expect.

    • Re:Uwe Boll = Ed Wood. (Score:5, Informative)

      by nuzak ( 959558 ) on Tuesday April 22, 2008 @01:14PM (#23161378) Journal
      > This generations Ed Wood?

      No, Ed Wood really loved movies, and poured his wholly incompetent heart and soul into making them. Uwe Boll finds cheap franchises and exploits them for a tax loophole. All his upcoming titles were in production before the loophole was closed. We'll see what happens when his funding dries up.

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