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It's funny. Laugh. Entertainment Games

l33tspeak For Parents By Microsoft 159

Posted by Zonk from the 1-w1ll-0wnz-j00 dept.
An anonymous reader writes "Microsoft has published A parent's primer to computer slang where !337$p34k is explained to the uninitiated. Expect to see a l33t-localized version of Windows XP soon." They also have a wonderful guide to the tactics of a griefer. "Honey, we're getting worried that you may be 0wning newbz. We need to talk..."
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l33tspeak For Parents By Microsoft More

l33tspeak For Parents By Microsoft

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  • Fp? (Score:4, Funny)

    by Nova1313 ( 630547 ) * on Thursday February 17, 2005 @04:32PM (#11704805)
    In soviet russia |\|3wb5 pwn j00

    • From the article:

      Leet words possibly indicating illegal activity: ... "pwn": A typo-deliberate version of own, a slang term that means to dominate. This could also be spelled "0\/\/n3d" or "pwn3d," among other variations. Online video game bullies or "griefers" often use this term.

      The ??AA are on their way to lock you up, buddy.

  • Left them feedback (Score:4, Funny)

    by CrazyJim1 ( 809850 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @04:36PM (#11704848) Journal
    I clicked yes at the bottom: Y0UR 51ght I5 d@ 8OM8, M1CR05OFt Own5 l1NuX

  • wtf (Score:5, Funny)

    by FLAGGR ( 800770 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @04:36PM (#11704851)
    Can you imagine the author, trying to keep a straight face? Poor guy, he wrote it so professionally

  • I couldn't resist... (Score:5, Funny)

    by afabbro ( 33948 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @04:36PM (#11704855) Homepage
    "Was This Information Useful?"

    No.

    "Thank you for telling us about your experience. Why was the article not useful?"

    Other.

    "Please tell us more".

    It was written by L4M3 D00DZ!!!1!

    "Thank you for taking the time to provide feedback."

  • Applied Practice (Score:4, Funny)

    by ehlertjd ( 694587 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @04:36PM (#11704856)
    Ok, now try translating the following sentence:

    M1cr0$0f7 us35 l33t sploitz and m4d sk1llz to pwn $0ftw4r3 p4t3nts.

    • Re:Applied Practice (Score:1, Funny)

      by Anonymous Coward
      Microsoft used elite expolits and mad skills to own software patents.

      Now give me my cookie!

      • Re:Applied Practice (Score:1, Funny)

        by Anonymous Coward
        no cookie for you! the number 5 would equal the letter S more closely than D wouldn't it?

    • Re:Applied Practice (Score:5, Funny)

      by BRTB ( 30272 ) <slashdot@nOsPam.brtb.org> on Thursday February 17, 2005 @06:41PM (#11706233) Homepage
      okay, let's see here..... standard loose dialect, so this is probably close enough:

      "Microsoft takes advantage of its nearly infinite resources and thus its ability to manipulate the legal system in order to gain large quantities of overly broad software patents."

      The main difficulty in this sentence is that the common "pwn" has taken on many various meanings based on context and may not be properly translated. As always, IANAL (I Am Not A Linguist)

      >=]

  • Excellent (Score:4, Funny)

    by generic-man ( 33649 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @04:37PM (#11704868) Homepage Journal
    Now I can show Pure Pwnage [purepwnage.com] to my parents and they will understand it perfectly. However, they may be concerned that teh_pwnerer is "involved in the theft of intellectual property, particularly licensed software" due to his use of expressions like "pwn."

  • From the Article... (Score:5, Funny)

    by isd_glory ( 787646 ) * on Thursday February 17, 2005 @04:37PM (#11704870)
    Rules of grammar are rarely obeyed. Many leetspeekers will capitalize every letter except for vowels (LiKe THiS) and otherwise reject conventional English style and grammar.

    Kinda reminds me of Slashdot

  • My first time... (Score:5, Funny)

    by flibuste ( 523578 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @04:39PM (#11704902)
    I am so ....I can't describe the feeling... It's the first time I click "YES" at the question "Was this information useful" on a Microsoft web page.
    • That's funny. I clicked NO and got this message:

      We are experiencing technical problems. Sorry for the inconvenience. We are still interested in hearing your comments if you have time to provide your feedback. You can do one of two things. You can close this window, refresh your browser, and submit your comments. Or, you can try later.

      Thank you.

      The editors of At Home and At Work


      Maybe they were h4>0r3d
    • My first time...

      Did you use a firewall?

  • Leet words possibly indicating illegal activity... (Score:3, Insightful)

    by mongoose(!no) ( 719125 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @04:41PM (#11704916)
    "Leet words possibly indicating illegal activity: "warez" or "w4r3z": Illegally copied software available for download. "h4x": Read as "hacks," or what a computer hacker does. "sploitz" (short for exploits): Vulnerabilities in computer software used by hackers. "pwn": A typo-deliberate version of own, a slang term that means to dominate. This could also be spelled "0\/\/n3d" or "pwn3d," among other variations. Online video game bullies or "griefers" often use this term." I have never heard of sploitz, but its pretty obvious that M$ was trying to plug anti-piracy in the comment on part about Warez. Interesting that they didn't mention the term "p0rn". Any parents looking to learn leet should find guides from stuff like the Jargon File (http://jargon.watson-net.com/section.asp?f=cracke rs.html), not learn from Microsoft.

  • :O (Score:3, Funny)

    by kereira ( 795255 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @04:41PM (#11704927) Homepage Journal
    1'|) |_0\/3 70 533 |_337 |_0(4|_153|) 53771|\|G5 |=0|2 05s... That'll be the day, when my peers understand l337.
  • TFA:
    "pwn": A typo-deliberate version of own, a slang term that means to dominate. This could also be spelled "0\/\/n3d" or "pwn3d," among other variations. Online video game bullies or "griefers" often use this term.

    At least they defined my favorite l33t w0rd. Otherwise TFA editors would have gotten spammed by me and t3h l33t p0l1c3!!1!

    • Dating back to Starcraft, I was always under the impression that pwn was a contraction for "power own" - that is, to go so far above and beyond the minimum amount of ownage necessary.
      • I like that derivation, but it does sound to make like a backronym - an acronym invented after the fact. Likely, it just comes from o and p being right next to each other - so it's an easy typo to make, especially if you're firing off quick messages during an online clickfest.
      • I'd heard it stood for "pistol own", coming from FPS games, where the pistol was generally the weakest gun.

        The typo theory is probably correct, though. More people should use Dvorak.

  • You know your child is a criminal if... (Score:5, Funny)

    by Austerity Empowers ( 669817 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @04:43PM (#11704956)
    ...he signs his email "l33t h4x0r" ...she makes more weekly on "w4r3z" than you make at a real job. ...his friend call him "Juarez". ...he wants to name your new born child "Fsck r0x0rs"

    Tip your waitresses, I'll be here all day. Tip me and I leave pronto.

  • World of Warcraft (Score:3, Interesting)

    by BrookHarty ( 9119 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @04:43PM (#11704960) Journal
    In WoW you cant chat between factions, but you can use leet speek using numbers and other non-characters.

    Theres a plugin called "Universal Translator" so you can now type /uts Hi and it will translate it into [-]:1 uses ":" for uppercase and "." for lowercase. It also supports morse code.

    Not exactly the normal leet speak with letters, but it comes in handy in game.

    I've also seen this type of leet speak mix with hex as simple way to send chat in IRC and others wont be able to understand the garbage.

    The only one I dont get is "pwned", that just looks stupid.
    • The only thing you need to worry about 'pwned' is how to pronounce it.
    • It's not the l337 speak I mind so much.

      It's those n00bs who use l337 Morse Code.

      Bastards.
    • Two things.

      First, I hate leetspeak. I think it's a plague on the game, and that Blizzard should scramble non-alphabet characters in future patches.

      Second, I believe Blizzard has stated that the Universal Translator and similar plugins are beyond the acceptable use of the UI system. Reference here [wowwiki.com]. This may lend ammunition to the idea that with the next content patch (ha!) they'll patch the language system.

      • Re:World of Warcraft (Score:1, Funny)

        by Anonymous Coward
        I hate leetspeak. I think it's a plague on the game, and that Blizzard should scramble non-alphabet characters in future patches.

        "Help- I-m being attacked by --- orcs-"
        "How many-"
        "----"
        "Sorry- HOW many-"

        In case you hadn't noticed, non-alphabetic characters are, you know, kind of useful for this thing called "communication"...?
        • What I meant is that the language filter, which already scrambles letters (using a many-to-one hash which is thus more or less indecipherable), should also scramble other characters, since currently you can "communicate" so long as you use nothing but numbers and symbols. If you can already speak the language, this won't matter to you.
      • What I can get is why we can read the other sides road signs if we do not share a common languagee.
        • Because they're crafty like that.

          Like the time I was in the Arathi Highlands and said "Hmm...Hammerfall...that sounds like a good dwarven town I should check out..."

          (Hammerfall is actually a Horde outpost.)

    • The only one I dont get is "pwned", that just looks stupid.

      Assuming when you say "don't get" you mean you don't understand... This is just my opinion of "pwned." But my guess is that it arose primarily from online gaming. Lots of people like saying that someone was "owned," but there are also tons of people who can't type, therefore "pwned" arose from this. It's not too different from "the" becoming "teh."

      If you meant you just don't see the humor in it, then different strokes for different folks. :

  • I just was reading it and then refeshed the page, I now get "We're sorry, but there is no Microsoft.com Web page that matches your entry"

    Did Microsoft just find out about the page and decide that it was a little odd?

  • Microsoft has been smoking? (Score:3, Informative)

    by generalleoff ( 760847 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @04:50PM (#11705046)
    a) Panama Red

    b) Acapulco Gold

    c) Purple Haze

    d) Maui Wowie

  • omgz0rz (Score:5, Funny)

    by davez0r ( 717539 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @04:52PM (#11705080)
    i'm sending this to my m0m

    well, not sending so much as printing it out and running it up to her (because i live in her basement)

  • pr0n? (Score:5, Funny)

    by plastic_grass ( 529934 ) <<moc.liamtoh> <ta> <rodnev_godtoh>> on Thursday February 17, 2005 @04:53PM (#11705086) Homepage
    did you find the information useful? no "what is the pr0n my son keeps talking about?" i need to know!

  • No no no. (Score:2, Funny)

    by sc0ttyb ( 833038 ) *
    pwning n00bz.

    Read the whitepaper.

  • This just goes to show that something really *is* completely uncool when Microsoft is writing guides to it.

  • More useful than most (Score:3, Interesting)

    by SteveX ( 5640 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @05:22PM (#11705434) Homepage
    Seriously, I've seen some awfully lame attempts at describing online chat slang.

    "It's important to remember that the leetspeek community encourages new forms and awards individual creativity, resulting in a dynamic written language that eludes conformity or consistency."

    It's like they actually kinda get it.

    Compared to, say, http://www.pcworld.com/howto/article/0,aid,88686,p g,2,00.asp [pcworld.com], where they include 'kiss' as 'keep it simple stupid'. Have you ever seen anyone actually use that in chat?

    fysbigtbabn = Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy night

    Yeah right.
    --
    http://www.stevex.org/longtail [stevex.org]

    • Compared to, say, http://www.pcworld.com/howto/article/0,aid,88686,p g,2,00.asp, where they include 'kiss' as 'keep it simple stupid'. Have you ever seen anyone actually use that in chat?

      HAhah PCworld isn't describing l33t silly, thats AOL chat!!! ROTFLLOLOMG!!!!11111 ^_^ :P

    • Re:More useful than most (Score:5, Insightful)

      by dougmc ( 70836 ) <dougmc+slashdot@frenzied.us> on Thursday February 17, 2005 @06:50PM (#11706326) Homepage
      It's like they actually kinda get it.
      They actually do seem to get it. It was a well written article (and the one on dealing with griefers is good too) -- and while we make fun of it, I can certainly see how some parents who don't know much about that there intra-web could find it to be very useful.
      Compared to, say, http://www.pcworld.com/howto/article/0,aid,88686,p g,2,00.asp, where they include 'kiss' as 'keep it simple stupid'. Have you ever seen anyone actually use that in chat?
      I have, yes. Of course, it's more of a technical term than pwn3d. `KISS' has been around for a lot longer than l33tspeak.

      Another good (i.e. amusing) article is this one [msn.com] -- this slang I've generally not seen, but I guess I'm not a 15 year old girl pretending to be 25 on AIM either. But while I'd not be fooled by strange abbreviations, I realize that others might. Fortunately, my kids are still a bit over a decade away from being 15, so I've got some time to not pick up the new lingo.

  • pwnz teh m1cr0s0f7z0rz!!!!!!!!

  • Dammit, Microsoft can't do this to us! (Score:3, Funny)

    by drxray ( 839725 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @05:39PM (#11705609) Homepage
    l37z 5u3 th3|\/| u|\|d3r t3h D.|\/|.(.4.!
  • I notice they used the term 'glitch' instead of 'bug'. I've also noticed that in the gaming community 'bugged' is also used in place of 'buggy'.

  • An example. (Score:2, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward
    For example, "5" or even "$" can replace the letter S.

    Micro$oft

  • Not too bad (Score:4, Insightful)

    by kongjie ( 639414 ) <kongjie&mac,com> on Thursday February 17, 2005 @06:07PM (#11705904)
    I read the article on griefers. It was okay, actually, considering a lot of parents don't have a clue about this kind of stuff.

    I'm just not very sure about how they expect this information to be used. Do they think that Johnny will go crying to his parents about griefing, and this will clue them in to the problem? I don't really see children complaining to their parents about something that they in many ways sees as THEIR domain, exclusive of parents.

    One thing I thought was missing was some ideas for parents of griefers themselves. How do you know your kid is griefing? What do you say to your child when you find out he is a full-time griefer?

  • It is so simple: by creating a 1337 d1x10n4r33, Microsoft attempts to ensure that 1337$p34k becomes totally unkewl. The best way to get a teen to drop his obsessive stupid behaviour is by legitimising it. W4y 2 go, Micr0$0pht!!!111!?@#*!!
  • When I was 12, I saw a Gallagher comedy sketch where he proposed that you should be able to shoot little suction darts with a sign saying "Stupid" at cars when the driver does something dumb. That way, everyone will know who the stupid drivers are.

    Could a similar system work online? Maybe everyone gets 5-10 "abuse" tags each year. They can hand them out whenever they feel its appropriate.

    The top abusers could get dealt with in a number of ways: a big "ABUSER" sign, weapon/equipment/movement limitations
    • In Halo 2 on Xbox Live, I can give feedback about cheaters and other jerks. I think it's actually a feature of Live, but Bungie actually uses the data to kick people off Halo 2 for being jerky. In recent weeks I've noticed some improvement in the kind of opponents I face. It's nice.
      • I'm glad to see the system in action. I proposed a similar system for Starcraft called player policing when you can mark people as potential hacker. The problem with the system there is that its hard to tell who's a hacker. But Halo2 system works well because it marks people with abusive names or attitudes.
        • You can also mark people you think were cheating. Again, if they're good at it it might be hard to tell. However, if you're suspicious it would be worth tagging them, since Bungie claims to have ways to investigate the situation. I wonder if they have a way to go and look at past games in detail.
  • "It's important to remember that the leetspeek community encourages new forms and awards individual creativity, resulting in a dynamic written language that eludes conformity or consistency" Oh god, they've turned 1337 into a corporate buzzword. I can see it now: 'M1cr050f7 1337: Promoting an individual creative environment that eludes conformity'.

  • Also, see this... (Score:5, Interesting)

    by antdude ( 79039 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @06:24PM (#11706077) Homepage Journal
    PBS' documentary [pbs.org] on American language. It is going to get worse with these slangs. :(

  • ./ed (Score:3, Funny)

    by paulius_g ( 808556 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @07:05PM (#11706447) Homepage
    Microsoft.com didn't get slashdotted? Damn, these Windows servers can take more than I've expected.
    • Most of Microsoft's static web content is served by Akamai, ever since the DDOS that pointed to windowsupdate.com. It was pretty entertaining to ask Netcraft what Microsoft was running and have it report (truthfully) that their web content was coming from Linux boxes.

  • lmao (Score:2)

    by tedgyz ( 515156 ) *
    I was horribly confused in Q3A when players were saying 'LMAO'. I thought it was some 733t code for 'lamer'. Turns out it means Laughing My Ass Off.

    And we expect peace in the middle east? We can't even get q3a players to communicate properly. :-)

  • What about B1FF??? (Score:3, Informative)

    by SirBruce ( 679714 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @07:43PM (#11706759) Homepage
    Bah. No mention of B1FFSPEAK [wikipedia.org], which I encountered long before the modern l33tspeak.

    Bruce

  • Please... (Score:3, Insightful)

    by andreMA ( 643885 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @07:59PM (#11706900)
    ...let it be that with it more widely known it dies a quick death.

    "l33tspeak" was never cool, is not "elite" and isn't spoken.

    Retarded, yes. Or about like pig-latin as an amusement for children.

  • You should not be aiming this article at the parents. For one, most parents have got no idea about compters or computer games. It should be aimed at gamers. I do agree at 'griefers' are an annoyance for all gamers, so what you should be trying to do is teach gamers how to deal with them, or they will most probably want to start griefing themselves as a revenge tactic. By all means inform the parents, but aim the extent of the article to gamers.
  • Doesn't this just serve to legitimize leetspeak as a form of communication? Kids today are already getting flunked out of their English classes for typing their papers the same way they text message their friends, with "u" and "r" instead of "you" and "are".

    Parents don't really need a guide to leetspeak - all they really need is to tell their kids that the more leet you try to be, the more ass you actually suck.

  • Damn Microsoft (Score:5, Funny)

    by dghcasp ( 459766 ) on Thursday February 17, 2005 @10:02PM (#11707494)
    Now I have no incentive left to finish my magnum opus, "A stuffy british guy's guide to elite-speak." Microsoft owns this market.

    1 p0wn3d u: In the contest of skills that we just completed, I found myself victorious. Although this victory has no real meaning, I like to fantisize that if I went to the pubs and told a woman about it, she would shag me. If only I was old enough to go to the pubs...

  • Well, I feel old now...all these elite hackers owning me, and knowing far more ASCII than I do. Some people will say these kids can't communicate correctly and say it's laced with poor grammar and spelling, but just maybe it's better to call someone a griefer online, than what I do which is grab a random bystander in a bar and shout "You bitch ass motherfucker!!"
  • 6.
    Report game glitches. Work with your child to identify exploitable glitches in the game or new methods of cheating. Report these to the game site administrator.

    Or... you "h4x0r" with your kids to "pwn" the "s3rv3r"?

  • so this is real? (Score:2, Interesting)

    by Bambi Dee ( 611786 )
    Does anyone actually "5p33|<" |_!|<3 7|-|15? I'm beginning to wonder whether it's not just a myth. "ur gay", yes, but "/\/\" for "M"? In realtime? Outside of ASCII art? Must be terribly inconvenient. No wonder they need to abbreviate two-letter-words! Anyway, I've never seen this extreme form of leetspeak in the wild, except when it's being made fun of. Then again, I don't play "those" games (much) and have no warez d00d acquaintances either. And as a retired author of embarrassing scrolltexts I've al
  • Speaking as a person with a stereotypical slashdot-childhood; I don't think bullies actually need any kind of provocation. The only benefit of provocation is that bullies can pretend their actions are justified.
    In my experience both as a child and as a grown-up, bullies will find a "reason" even if there isn't one.
    Telling children not to use provocative names in online games is telling them the bullies win.

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