Celebrity AD&D Character Sheets

GnomeIllusionist writes "In their continuing tribute to Gary Gygax, Wired has created character sheets for nine celebrities. Apparently, Stephen Hawking can do 10D6 radiation damage to his enemies and Rick Astley is a 20th-Level bard. Steve Jobs' black turtleneck is actually magical armor with +6 against edged attacks." Most of them are kinda cheesy and obvious- I wonder if you can do better.

CmdrTaco's Sheet

[eldavojohn]

Most of them are kinda cheesy and obvious- I wonder if you can do better.

CmdrTaco

Web Master
Chaotic Basement Troll
Strength: Pi
Intelligence: 4
Wisdom: 12
Constitution: 18
Dexterity: 7
Charisma: 1
Special Abilities: Posses the inability to discern between 'there' and 'their' while at the same time lacking any clue of what news is.

Re:

[ndogg]

I protest. Taco's strength is at least e^(i*pi).

Give him some credit.

It's Only Funny When It's Not You

[eldavojohn]

I always wondered what evaporating karma sounded like....

Right so remember kids, it's only funny when it's not you. Oh no, I'm going to be modded troll and then funny and then troll and then ... I don't really care that much about this site anymore or my karma. If you need proof, I'll just go on a bitchy little rant about how I've never once gotten mod points despite the number of posts I've made, my karma, my many meta-moderations or the fact that I'm number four or five on the list of top contributors.

But if I hurt Cmdr Taco's feelings, I'll make it up to him:

eldavojohn

Slashdotter
Narcotic Basement Sheep
Strength: i
Intelligence: 3
Wisdom: 4
Constitution: 18
Dexterity: 19
Charisma: 2
Special Abilities: Will suck dick for karma. Extreme dexterity gives him ability to stick foot in own mouth. Often acts like a know-it-all about topics he has no right commenting on. When challenged, often flies into frenzied rage and adds +7 to defensive rhetoric with a tree hugging hippy slant to it. Member of Slashdot hive mind mentality.

Christ, if you can't laugh about everything what's the point of living?

Re:

[wish bot]

I'll just go on a bitchy little rant about how I've never once gotten mod points despite the number of posts I've made, my karma, my many meta-moderations or the fact that I'm number four or five on the list of top contributors.

You mean you don't know about the three shells?

This guy doesn't know about the three shells!

Re:

[neomunk]

Sylvester Stalone forcing Rob Schneider to show him how the shells work for the 6th time, now that would be comedy.

Re:

[MrAnnoyanceToYou]

You've probably never gotten karma points because the site places you among the top 5% considered 'addictive refreshers' or something, and therefore excludes from the karma point pool entirely. I used to be there. Right now, oddly enough, I somehow have 10 points that I have no intention of actually spending time using.

What would have made a better article

[Gandling]

The actual character sheets of celebrity players like Vin Diesel and Stephen Colbert.

Re:What would have made a better article

[dgatwood]

Let's see... William Shatner has the ability to randomly pause; if you roll a 13 on a 13-sided die, he pauses and in spite of looking ridiculous, he is miraculously unharmed by any attacks for an entire round. Also, every round, he gains experience points through sleeping with every non-human female currently in play.

:-D

Re:

[sapphire wyvern]

I'm pretty sure that only Shatner would have 13-sided dice; they're an exotic particle that has to be made by retuning the deflector dish and rerouting the emissions to the Enterprise's replicator banks.

Re:

[Quattro Vezina]

"Bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish, that's the way we do things here, making shit up as we wish..."

Voltaire is God.

Re:

[Kingrames]

Non-human?

Wow, he got nerfed pretty bad.

Re:

[dgatwood]

Zapp Brannigan: We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?

Re:

[KDR_11k]

he gains experience points through sleeping with every non-human female currently in play.

Won't somebody please think of the tribbles?

Re:

[sapphire wyvern]

That would indeed be interesting. Wil Wheaton, too, I guess. I wonder if any of them play anything but D&D? There's so many more interesting games out there.

Should use Stormbringer System....

[tjstork]

Hawking has to roll every time he gets near a flight of stairs in a melee or takes the tumble critical hit..

Re:Should use Stormbringer System....

[cp.tar]

Hawking has to roll every time he gets near a flight of stairs in a melee or takes the tumble critical hit..

He's in a wheelchair.
Rolling is his only mode of transportation anyway.

Re:

[pugugly]

Yes, but his level he can pick the feat "Dalek Wheel Chair" and can either levitate up (at will) or level the building (also at will).

What feats the building gets when leveled is uncertain till edition 4.5.

Pug

Re:

[Enderandrew]

Hawking is a wild mage who creates branching realities with each roll, in some of which he fails or succeeds. Each possible outcome on the die roll exists simultaneously.

Re:

[ShieldW0lf]

I would have thought Hawking to be more of a cleric, personally...

Re:

[StarkRG]

Nah, I figure Hawking is like a Dalek. eh-leh-VATE!!!

Re:Should use Stormbringer System....

[ggvaidya]

Nonsense. Real theoretical physicists don't fear stairs: they level the building.

(You don't think Hawking radiation only applies to black holes, do you?)

Obligatory Onion reference

[Guppy]

Bill Gates Grants Self 18 Dexterity, 20 Charisma [theonion.com]

REDMOND, WA--Microsoft head Bill Gates, already considered by many to be among the most powerful men in the world, further increased his powers Monday, augmenting several of his key statistics to near-immortal levels.

Re:Obligatory Onion reference

[sapphire wyvern]

That article is so much better than Wired's version.

Opens new tab to read article...

[The Ultimate Fartkno]

...sees Paris Hilton, clicks the little (x). Next story, please.

Re:Opens new tab to read article...

[Aglassis]

...sees Paris Hilton, clicks the little (x).

Next story, please.

That is only because you failed your Will save. Much like a tarrasque, she has a Frightful Presence.

Re:

[ScriptedReplay]

Paris Hilton
Intelligence: 9
Wisdom: 8

George W. Bush
Intelligence: 10
Wisdom: 6

Wow. I mean ... wow. I thought Paris Hilton defined -inf for wisdom as well as intelligence, but man was I wrong.

Gotta go search for my jawbone on the floor now.

Re:

[rtb61]

The discussion of those two really reflect why, AD&D score sheets really do not reflect reality. Both of them really should have negative numbers in wisdom and intelligence, not because of their of their own necessarily, but because they seem to exist in a vacuum of intelligence and wisdom that drains away the wisdom and intelligence everybody that associates with or even just comes in close proximity to them.

Their whole expression of their public existence and acceptance speaks volumes of an appallin

Re:

[CowboyNealOption]

Actually they simply forgot to put the decimal point in front of the 9.

Re:

[pjt33]

Never mind that. What about Charisma 18? Gag me with a spoon...

Re:

[michrech]

That's hot.. Now where's my car? I need somewhere to put my cocktail. *hickup*

Never mind that. What about Charisma 18? Gag me with a spoon...

Gives a whole new meaning...

[zuggy40]

to being rick-rolled

Re:

[detritus.]

So is this:
(989) 272-RICK

And if you're deaf,
[phone] (TDD)

Even for nerds...

[Chonnawonga]

...I'm not sure this qualifies as news.

Re:

[pembo13]

Some people seem to feel that AD&D is critical to being a geek somehow.

First ADHD post!

[tomhudson]

Some people seem to feel that AD&D is critical to being a geek somehow.

Some people seem to feel that ADHD is critical to being a geek somehow.

There - fixed.

... unless you're an AI in which case ADD is just another instruction ...

Re:

[kesuki]

Like they say, you don't HAVE to be crazy, but it HELPS. Especially if your life ambition is to play video games for FUN not necessarily to win, mind you but for fun. (mind you the 6 months in mental hospitals + 6 months in group homes is NOT FUN a 5 digit back pay check from social security, is something any geek who doesn't have a HDTV or a playstation3 yet dreams of. (plus my best PC only has 1 gig of ram and 300 GB of HD storage and a 3000+ (2000 mhz) processor)

We're dreaming quadcore with 4 gigs of r

Re:First ADHD post!

[pjt33]

Could you rewrite that after taking your tablets? At the moment I'm struggling to make sense of it.

Re:

[tomhudson]

I don't know what's scarier - that I actually read the whole entry, or that such a thing even exists.

I like what this other entry says - short, and actually understandable at a glance: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ultimate_RISC_(URISC) [wikipedia.org]

The single instruction for URISC consists of three memory addresses x, y, z. Obviously, no opcode is needed, given that we have only one instruction. When executed, this instruction computes the difference (y) (x), assigns the value to y, and branches to z if the new

Re:

[electrosoccertux]

I agree. I would like less Reddit/Digg style stories. That's not what attracts me to slashdot, it's the in depth discussion, which simply isn't generated by stories like this.

Re:

[rob1980]

It's Saturday, let your hair down a little bit. Dang.

Re:

[Bieeanda]

The author of this dubious piece submitted it to Digg and made a thread about it on SomethingAwful, where he was threatened with banning if he ever tried to advertise his own shitty blog posts again. I have to wonder if GnomeIllusionist is the same unfunny hack trying to astroturf for page impressions again.

They've misused the Chaotic Neutral Alignment

[UrinalPooper]

Bush would be lawful evil, not chaotic neutral... So few people seem to grasp precisely how that alignment works. The best description I one saw was in an old Dragon magazine: think Daffy Duck.

Re:They've misused the Chaotic Neutral Alignment

[Nimey]

Neutral Evil. Lawful Evil types will follow laws & agreements to the letter, if not necessarily the spirit. Bush clearly thinks the law doesn't apply to him, so he's not lawful.

Re:

[MostAwesomeDude]

I would say that he's True Neutral; after all, puppets don't really have an alignment.

Re:

[Fnordulicious]

Those are only two bits of data there, not four. Your "good/evil" and "lawful/chaotic" are both binary values. But in current D&D the alignments are ternary, not binary. There's "lawful/neutral/chaotic" and "good/neutral/evil". So information-wise they're two trits, and converting down to bits gives you four.

Re:

[Dr. Evil]

Naw, he's using the law to change the law. Sending people to Guantanamo, creating stuff like the Patriot Act, even using the presidency to accomplish his bizzare goals. It all reeks of Lawful.

Evil has an implication of his motives. I like to think he's lawful good, but profoundly unwise.

If I had to draw it up:

George W. Bush,
Human
Level 24 Specialty Priest of Republicanism, Level 1 fighter
Lawful Good (see further)

Str: 13 (he does ranching stuff every once in a while, slightly above average)
Int: 18 (h

Re:

[Nimey]

I like to think he's lawful good, but profoundly unwise.

That must be very comforting. How do you account for the laws he chooses to ignore?

Re:

[Dr. Evil]

I wouldn't say "clearly" evil. The absolute Good/Evil thing has always been a PITA for me. It's a very Judeo-Christian concept. For D&D I define Good as a reverence for humanoid life and Evil as a disregard for humanoid life.

If you take an overly righteous paladin as an example, just because you're lawful good, doesn't mean you're a nice person or even effective at what you do. You can be an arrogant, righteous a**hole, shoving your vision of what's right and good down everyone's throat (as long a

Re:

[nurhussein]

I've found that a suitable poster boy for Chaotic Neutral is Dr. Gregory House.

Re:

[scooter.higher]

I would disagree. I call House CG.

While he may not follow the rules, he is doing it to save the lives of other people.

Re:They've misused the Chaotic Neutral Alignment

[WK2]

I disagree with CG, and agree with the GP poster, CN. Saving lives is only a natural side effect of what House does. He is only in it to solve a mystery, and he only does it for himself.

You can tell how "good" House is by how he treats everybody and everything else. He doesn't care about or respect them. He lied to everybody without remorse, and only decided to cut down on lying when he learned that he can get things from people if they distrust him less. He only serves his own desires, which are neither good nor evil.

Chaotic Neutral.

Re:

[scooter.higher]

But the only mysteries he solves are those that save people's lives.

Re:

[Gospodin]

That's just not true. Consider the time he borrowed increasingly large sums of money from his friend in order to empirically test the magnitude of their friendship.

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

More on Rick Astley's char sheet

[Guppy]

Rick Astley's character sheet neglects to mention a few things -- he is under a permanent Geas of loyalty. Rick is unable to abandon party members for any reason (although his party members may choose to leave him if they initiate the separation). In addition, he is unable to speak any untruth which causes emotional anguish to another.

Rick also has a compulsion to explain to others his emotional state and how he is feeling, which results in a penalty to all rolls involving deception (except vs. ducks). However, this feature is not a Geas and is merely a personality trait.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:

[vyrus128]

Yes. It got me too. XD

Re:

[Jesus_666]

Bravo. Quite awesome.


Although both you and TFA fail to mention his Conjure Hyperactive Bartender spell.

Don't bother visiting

[Sapphon]

Paris Hilton
Actress
Chaotic Neutral Human
Strength: 9 Intelligence: 9 Wisdom: 8 Constitution: 10 Dexterity: 14 Charisma: 18
Special Abilities: Wiggling out of jail time for DUI charges, washing cars in an entertaining manner.

George W. Bush
17th -level politician
Chaotic Neutral Human
Strength: 11 Intelligence: 10 Wisdom: 6 Constitution: 12 Dexterity: 10 Charisma: 16
Special Abilities: Always wins eligible elections, takes no damage for corporate connections, has the ability to prevaricate perfectly, and always goes first in initiative in attacks via other countries.

Ron Paul
23rd-Level Lawful Good Wizard
Strength: 10 Intelligence: 17 Wisdom:17 Dexterity: 10 Charisma: 13
Special Abilities: Can see into the future, but must roll Charisma or less on d100 to convince anyone he's right. Can summon 1,000 devoted followers on command, and can pull 10,000 GP out of his hat as needed -- but no one knows how. His presence at delivery adds +1 to all child's attributes.

Steve Jobs
21st Level Paladin
Strength: 12 Intelligence: 15 Wisdom: 17 Dexterity: 10 Charisma: 20
Special Abilities: Reality Distortion field allows him to temporarily influence any character, if he rolls less than his Charisma, minus the target's Intelligence.
Special Equipment: +6 Magical Armor appears as a black turtleneck and blue jeans, but protects him from edged attacks.

Dean Kamen
43rd-Level Human*
Strength: 10 Intelligence: 22 Wisdom: 23 Dexterity: 13 Charisma: 16
Special Abilities: Can instantaneously invent anything to solve any problem.
Special Equipment: 6-wheeled, gyroscope-balanced battle chair. Dean's Dexterity is reduced by one and STR increased by two when riding the battle chair.
Magical "water box." Powered by fire. Makes clean water and provides a bright light that can be used to reduce an opponent's dexterity by two points.
*His exact origin/species is in dispute.

Stephen Hawking
25th-Level Cosmologist
Neutral Good Human
Strength: 3 Dexterity: 2 Constitution: 10 Intelligence: 28 Wisdom: 20 Charisma: 12
Special Abilities: Time dilation at will, and Hawking Radiation. Any nongenius within a 60-foot radius take 10d6 radiation damage. Base movement: 6 ft/round
Special Equipment: Wheelchair of translation.

Richard Dawkins
22th-Level Evolutionary Biologist
Lawful Neutral Human
Strength: 12 Dexterity: 13 Constitution: 10 Intelligence: 18 Wisdom: 22 Charisma: 25
Special Abilities: Spell Resistance Infinite (because magic is not real).
All Cleric-Priest within 60 feet gain 2 negate levels due to logical paradox.
Special Equipment: Spectacles of Trueseeing (always sees things as they really are).

Rick Astley
20th-Level Bard
Strength: 8 Intelligence: 9 Wisdom: 10 Constitution: 10 Dexterity: 18 Charisma: 18
Special Abilities: Uses Dex. bonus for all Dance-related checks due to years of training in the art of '80s pop dancing. Can rickroll targets for 5d6 of humiliation damage.

Mr. T
lvl9 Fighter / lvl7 Barbarian
Strength: 18 Intelligence: 8 Wisdom: 12 Constitution:16 Dexterity: 12 Charisma: 12
Special Abilities: At will: Pity (the fool). There is no save, and it is not subject to spell resistance. The effect is 4d6 subdual damage and permanent Pity.
Languages Known: English, Jibba Jabba.

No, I haven't forgotten any stats: some people just didn't seem to deserve all 6, as far as Wired was concerned!

Re:

[Machtyn]

How in the world did Paris Hilton score anything above a 4 on intelligence and a 2 in wisdom? If she rolls a 4, then she flips a coin, tails she gets -1.

Re:

[Rinisari]

Ron Paul's constitution should be at least 25, if not something like 100. You know what I mean.

Re:

[david_thornley]

If this really was news for nerds, they would have had to include Bruce [geekz.co.uk] Schneier [schneier.com].

Re:Don't bother visiting

[xZgf6xHx2uhoAj9D]

Why would you suggest Paris Hilton is stupid? It's an honest question. Because the character she portrays on "reality" TV is stupid? Because she doesn't wear underwear? Because she doesn't have a job? None of those suggest stupidity to me.

I'm not saying Paris Hilton is a genius, but I've yet to find any evidence that she's an idiot. People who accuse her of being stupid, in my experience, tend to be the type that are intimidated by or easily manipulated by the blonde, bubbly, slut stereotype. She's picked an image and exploits it to her full advantage. Yes, she's blonde. Yes, she toys with men. Yes, her childhood was handed to her on a silver platter. None of that to me suggests stupidity.

Consider that Paris Hilton is rumoured to be dubbed "the most overrated celebrity" by the Guinness Book of World Records. She has attained a huge amount of fame and fortune (not all of it inherited) by doing absolutely nothing but playing the media. That doesn't sound like stupid to me.

Re:

[wanderingknight]

Thank you. I feel the same when people call Bush an idiot. He's bad news, but he's certainly not an idiot.

Re:

[Spy der Mann]

#1. Be born with a silver spoon on your mouth
#2. Live a passionate sex life and do whatever you please with your life, and at the same time risk being disowned by Granpa.
#3. Profit!?

She's learned to play with the media, it's IMO the ONLY thing she's learned. She has to make a living out of it. Now where does intelligence fit in there?

Granted, she might not be as dumb as Britney, but Tom Cruise is much smarter IMO - he's the current leader of a multimillionary cult. Now *THAT* is being smart at playing with

Re:

[boxlight]

> I'm not saying Paris Hilton is a genius, but I've yet to find any evidence that she's an idiot.

I watch talk shows so I've seen her be interviewed by Letterman, Leno, Conan, and Larry King about everything from her TV show, her movies, her album, and her jail sentence.

And she always comes across as the bubbly empty-headed bimbo -- when she's "in character" or not. She's ain't smart, bud.

Re:

[DarkProphet]

I am surprised to say, that I agree. But by the same token, none of it suggests intelligence, either.

Re:

[Shajenko42]

You get an extra point to place in an attribute every four levels. This probably would not explain the heights some of these stats reach, however.

GW Bush

[Entropius]

Aristocrat (Neoconservative) 10/Clr2 of Jeebus

Str: 13
Dex: 8 (choked on a pretzel)
Con: 14 (able to stomach sight of Laura Bush)
Int: 8
Wis: 9*
Cha: 14 (people still like him)

HP: 10d6+2d8+24

Skill points: 13*2 (Ari) +2*1 (Clr) = 28

Profession (failed businessman) +3
Craft (ridiculous speeches) +4
Knowledge (torture methods) +5
Knowledge (religion) +2
Knowledge (pseudoscience) +3
Perform (monkey faces) +7

Neocon Bullheadedness (Ex): Analogous to the Madness rule for clerics of Tharizdun (see RttToEE), Neoconservatives add half of their Neocon level to their Wisdom for the purpose of Will saves and any checks related to avoiding changing one's mind, but subtract this number from their Wisdom for all other purposes except spellcasting. Neocons who worship Jeebus count their cleric levels as Neocon levels for this purpose.

Cause Fear (Ex): By invoking the sacred name of Terrism, Bush can cause a disturbed fearful state in those who hear his speeches. Anyone hearing such a speech for five consecutive rounds must make a Will save (DC 18) or be shaken for 24 hours. In addition, for the next four months the victim must make a Will save (DC 13) upon future mention of Terrism, or be shaken for 10 minutes. Listeners with Intelligence 12 or greater are unaffected; listeners with intelligence 16 or greater are highly amused.

Feats: Courteous Theocracy (background feat), Dodge Draft, Thrall to Demon (Karl Rove), Weapon Focus (flag lapel pin), Dodge (for hunting with Cheney)

Typical cleric spells prepared: **can't cast spells, Wis10**

Re:GW Bush

[MoodyLoner]

You forgot his Unitary Executive, Misunderestimate Me and Appoint Lackey feats:

Unitary Executive: Ignores rules for character generation. Can ignore any or all rules of combat, at will, as long as Memo of John Woo is in possession.

Misunderestimate Me: Is underestimated for the wrong reasons. Add +6 inherent bonus to Bluff, and a -6 inherent penalty to all Diplomacy rolls made on his behalf, even by another PC or an NPC.

Appoint Lackey: Anyone he appoints to an Administration position takes a -8 inherent penalty to all relevant skills. The only way to avoid this penalty is to not have any skills applicable to the position.

Re:

[X_Bones]

Unitary Executive: Ignores rules for character generation. Can ignore any or all rules of combat, at will, as long as Memo of John Woo is in possession.

"Memo of John Woo"? That's the one that lets you blow up tons of stuff and perform martial arts on street criminals, right?

Re:

[MoodyLoner]

That's what I get for trusting CNN.

On the other hand, have you sat through Mission Impossible:II?

Could do better

[sapphire wyvern]

Ok. Two problems here. Firstly, these are so very far from being character sheets. They'd be useless stat blocks for an NPC, let alone a decent character sheet. Sadly inferior to the Onion article.

Secondly, AD&D. WTF? That was 2.5 editions ago. I thought Wired was supposed to be about the cutting edge!

And, now that I've completely overreacted, I'll switch out of Comic Book Guy mode and return to you to your regular programming.

Re:

[thephotoman]

Well, AD&D may have been a long time ago, but newer versions are far too legalistic for many players' tastes.

Additional character

[MarchTheMonth]

no disrespect to Mr. T, but Chuck Norris would have been much better. Chuck Norris Lawful Good Superhuman Strength: 20 Intelligence: 10 Wisdom: 12 Constitution: 16 Dexterity: 18 Charisma: 15 Special Abilities: Tears cure all afflictions. Roundhouse kick, if rolled higher than 1d4, defeats enemy. Beard has special powers not yet seen.

Re:Additional character

[fyrewulff]

I thought it should be

Chuck Norris:

Strength: Chuck Norris
Wisdom: Chuck Norris
Int: Chuck Norris
Dex: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris: Chuck Norris

Re:Chuck Norris

[tomhudson]

Everyone knows that as soon as you introduce the Chuck Norris character into the game, it ends as all the other characters get roundhouse kicked into another alternate universe.

Also, Chuck Norris always wins, even with a 1. Nobody else dares roll the dice to counter. It is said that someone tried once - they rolled a blank - the pips on the die had turned white in fear of Chuck Norris.

Re:

[phantomfive]

Dude, it's funny. Get over it.

Re:Chuck Norris

[hairykrishna]

I would suspect that he is now unable to 'get over' anything. He was probably killed by mysterious roundhouse related injuries within seconds of his post being submitted.

Re:

[Hassman]

Wouldn't Chuck Norris be maxed out on all stats and professions?

Re:

[Nimey]

Are you implying that Chuck Norris is a munchkin?

You can't run far or fast enough, me bucko.

22th?

[crossmr]

"22th-Level Evolutionary Biologist"

how about 22nd..
looks like an editor just failed an intelligence check.

Re:22th?

[ultranova]

How about "22nd-Level Troll" ?

Dawkins isn't best known for his scientific work. He is best known for his crusade against religion. Publishing one tirade after another about the subject is hard to consider anything but trolling; and he's been pretty succesfull in that, as proven by books like "The Dawkins Delusion" - how many Slashdot trolls can say they got dead-tree books published just to counter their posts ?

If one wanted to be really nasty - considering his convictions - one could even call him a "22nd-Level Crusader" :). Also, I seem to recall there was a prestige class which concentrated on jamming the powers of clerics and denying that deities were anything worth worshipping, as opposed to simply powerful but ultimately ordinary beings; I can't recall what it was called, thought.

Re:

[glwtta]

Publishing one tirade after another about the subject is hard to consider anything but trolling

What makes you think he isn't sincere in his beliefs?

I'm just curious. I personally don't have much interest in the field of "pop-evolutionary biology" but I think it has its place, and serves a useful purpose.

Re:

[ultranova]

What makes you think he isn't sincere in his beliefs?

He propably is. The time and effort he has put into his anti-religious efforts suggests he's quite obsessed about them, too.

However, this doesn't change the fact that Dawkins is known for attacks on religion far more than his work in science. This, I believe, justifies calling him a troll, whether these attacks are a weird practical joke or a genuine obsession.

I'm just curious. I personally don't have much interest in the field of "pop-evolutionar

What a cop out!

[26199]

"Good and evil need no explanation" ... if you've figured out what's good and what's evil in this crazy world, please share!

Re:

[jd]

Gaining karma points on Slashdot is good. Designing lolcats only Geeks could actually understand and be amused by is good. Demonstrating to Pastis the readership relationship between his cartoon and chedder cheese is good. Drinking Real English tea is good. Watching "Not the Nine O'Clock News", "Kenny Everett" and "The Goodies" is good.

What's bad... All American TV shows and movies.

Not funny!

[johnwbyrd]

Augh!

Slashdot is an awesome place to find out about the latest Internet Explorer vulnerabilities and the hippest Linux distros. But it's a truly dreadful, forsaken, necrotic place for getting legal advice and for finding the funny.

Funny is embedded in an underground cavern on the dark side of the moon from Slashdot. Funny is being cryogenically frozen in carbonite while Slashdot looks on and taunts funny with the voice of James Earl Jones. Funny is imprisoned in Florida, recounting hanging chad from the 2000 election, while Slashdot rules the country for eight years and mispronounces the word "nuclear".
King of the Hill, My Name Is Earl, Wonder Showzen, Look Around You: all funny! Linux startup scripts, Microsoft patent trolling, packet sniffers going 1.0, DVORAK keyboards, anything written to be sung to the tune of anything else, parodies of Magic cards depicting tech moguls: all not funny!

There exists a damned fine reason why the Slashdot moderators are making millions writing PHP and perl scripts, and not making millions writing Hollywood sitcoms. 'CAUSE SLASHDOT IS NOT FUNNY!

Now I'm going to be moderated a troll by someone who writes parodies of Gilbert and Sullivan operettas. Sigh.

Re:

[Dunbal]

Now I'm going to be moderated a troll by someone who writes parodies of Gilbert and Sullivan operettas. Sigh.

      No, because by slashdot standards, your post was actually quite funny.

Re:Not funny!

[kvezach]

Now I'm going to be moderated a troll by someone who writes parodies of Gilbert and Sullivan operettas. Sigh.

I am the very model of a modern Slashdot forum troll
and when I post and moderate I always will be very droll...

The day ...

[ari_j]

The day that Slashdotters come up with something better than Wired magazine does, I'll tune in to watch the original showing of the last episode of TNG.

Steve Ballmer with 10D8 chair attack

[Joce640k]

Too easy...

Mr.T? I thought he'd be...

[RyuuzakiTetsuya]

A nightelf Mohawk. =) Although maybe they grabbed his real sheet, i mean, Mr. T IS handy with computers and has an antiquated hairstyle.

Priceless

[EdIII]

Mr.T's Character Sheet (TFA)

Special Abilities: At will: Pity (the fool). There is no save, and it is not subject to spell resistance. The effect is 4d6 subdual damage and permanent Pity. Languages Known: English, Jibba Jabba.

I think I almost peed myself that was so funny.... yeah just a little :) They did forget a persistent Fear of Flying (no saving throw) and the complete inability to detect sedatives in any fluid.

No, No, No! More Cheese please!

[Zero__Kelvin]

"Most of them are kinda cheesy and obvious- I wonder if you can do better."

Trying to do this, but in a less cheesy way, is like going on a diet and trying to figure out how to loose less unwanted fat. There is a reason why Kraft doesn't have a slogan: "Now with less cheese ..."

That being said, here is my contribution, which his hopefully way more cheesy . Everyone knows that John Holmes [wikipedia.org] had (at least) a +5 wand!

Charles Stross did it first

[Rix]

http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/2008/03/politics_as_she_is_played.html [antipope.org]

news for nerds

[Khashishi]

After all this time of silly politics or pointless reruns of DMCA or copyright cases, finally, we have some refreshingly nerdy news for nerds.

Re:Error in 'George Bush'

[cp.tar]

AFAIK, his INT score shouldn't be higher than 9.

I'd also say 16 isn't his rolled CHA score; he couldn't possibly have rolled more than 12. At best.
All the rest is the doing of a few magical items, circumstance bonuses and followers.

Also, since he left my benighted country just a few hours ago, he also possesses a magical shield aura along with several hundred guards: no-one can enter the area within 300 m from him.
Setting your eyes on him can also probably turn you to stone or suffer the effect of Baleful Polymorph; what other reason could there be that people living in vicinity of the route he took were told to shutter their windows and stay inside?

Re:Error in 'George Bush'

[bjourne]

AFAIK, his INT score shouldn't be higher than 9.
I'd also say 16 isn't his rolled CHA score; he couldn't possibly have rolled more than 12. At best. All the rest is the doing of a few magical items, circumstance bonuses and followers.

Impossible, the Diebold optical scanner validated his character sheet. And you are just a sore loser.

Re:Error in 'George Bush'

[Original Replica]

I can't believe they forgot to mention his favorite spell:
"Fear and Confuse"- This spell has a nation wide area of effect causing any creatures with below 14 INT to see enemies in every shadow and to believe that the caster is their best hope of salvation. Any mage attempting to cast a "Dispel Fear" will immediately be lynched by the effected creatures. Duration: each effected creatures rolls 2d4 for number of years under the spell.